Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Some of mine:
-I thought that maxi pads were for keeping the baby from falling out of you when you were pregnant.
-One time I was in a store with my mom and she wanted to buy something but she didn't. When I asked her why, she said it wasn't on sale. I didn't know the difference between on sale and for sale, so I ended up thinking that stores were full of things that you couldn't actually buy, and I thought that was kind of stupid.
-I thought that we lived inside the earth because the sky looks round.
-I thought that flowers could get angry because of a Peter Rabbit book where he "upsets a flower pot."
-I thought that the worst swear word in the world was "pask" because my friend told me that it was. I had never heard anyone say it, but I assumed that was because it was such a bad word. Finally when I was 12, I asked someone if they had ever heard anyone say the "p-word." They were like, "do you mean piss?" And I was like, "No, the really bad p-word. You know, p-a-s-k." And they were like, "Um, that's not a word." To this day part of me still thinks that maybe it is a really bad word and everyone I know who says it's not a word just hasn't heard of it because it's that bad.
-I had a very strange and hilarious mis-understanding of how babies were made and the difference between safe sex and unsafe sex that I can explain further if anyone is interested and okay with me saying the word penis several times.
-I used to get the words "hippie" and "hooker" mixed up and I dressed up as a hippie for Halloween one year and told everyone I was a hooker.
-And, like GA, I also thought there was only one session of general conference until I got to BYU.

I liked this question!

-I thought that if it rained at my house, it rained everywhere in the world.
-I thought the only religions were Christian and Jewish. I also didn't know the difference between the LDS church and the Jehovah's Witnesses until ... about the time I started reading the board, which was in high school.
-I thought that dogs' barks were a full-blown language like English or Japanese, because that's how it was in 101 Dalmations.
-I thought that when I played Treasure Mountain on the computer, there was someone on the "other end" controling what happened and laughing at me when I answered math questions wrong. I don't know what the "other end" was, because this was pre-internet, but I couldn't wrap my brain around how else the computer knew when I was right.

haha, these are funny. I remember not knowing the difference between Christianity and Catholicism (and accidentally saying I was Catholic).

I thought high school came after college. "High" is right in the title.
I wanted to go to Disneyland, and when my Mom said we didn't have the money, I told her to go to an ATM.
I'd say Peanut Buster Barfait rather than Parfait. >.< My parents let me persist in that one far too long.

-I thought the 24th of July was a national holiday until I was about 12.
...
I'm sure there were more, but I have this inherent dislike of being wrong, so I'm pretty sure my brain already erased the memories of any of my other childhood misconceptions, except for one, which I don't feel like sharing here.

I couldn't hear the difference between the words tourist and terrorist. News reports were always very confusing for me.

Indefinite Integral wrote:-I thought the 24th of July was a national holiday until I was about 12.

I still think "let's save some fireworks" every 4th of July.

Let's see...
I used to think that we only eat female chickens, because only they have breasts.
I called it the "tropical guide" until college.
I thought the Virgin Islands were inhabited by young girls who had not had sex.
I thought everyone called Brazil nuts "nigger toes" (My grandpa called them that, and my dad perpetuated it I think out of irony, who knows?)
I thought condominiums were small condoms.

Yarjka wrote:

Indefinite Integral wrote:-I thought the 24th of July was a national holiday until I was about 12.

I still think "let's save some fireworks" every 4th of July.

Let's see...
I used to think that we only eat female chickens, because only they have breasts.
I called it the "tropical guide" until college.
I thought the Virgin Islands were inhabited by young girls who had not had sex.
I thought everyone called Brazil nuts "nigger toes" (My grandpa called them that, and my dad perpetuated it I think out of irony, who knows?)
I thought condominiums were small condoms.

You knew what a condom was before a condo?

Portia wrote:You knew what a condom was before a condo?

Yep. I'm still not entirely sure what a condo is. How is it different from an apartment?
Nevermind, just checked Wikipedia, now I sort of know.

Adult misconception: I get the "N" magazines mixed up: I never know what is liberal or conservative out of The National Review and The Nation. (I think I've got The New Republic and The New Yorker down after reading them enough.)

Teenage misconception: I thought helluva was pronounced haloova.

Squirrel: I also thought the song was "by this shalmeno." And I don't think it's our fault. No one enunciates that song properly. It still sounds like shalmeno most of the time to me, unless I'm thinking about trying to separate out the words.

My family is close friends with a family in Idaho (I live in Washington). Our parents were all friends in California before work moved us both and kids started being born. We would visit them once a year or so. Because we visited them so often and they were out-of-town, just like the rest of my extended family, I thought we were cousins. So much so that I still remember being told they weren't and being so devastated that I asked if I could call them cousins anyways.

My mom didn't let me watch anything except PBS. I therefore assumed all other TV was terribly inappropriate and rude.

I remember thinking that if I married someone of a different race/ethnicity, I would automatically become that race/ethnicity. I was really sad when I found out I wouldn't.

I thought no one lived on farms anymore (until I was in high school. I grew up in Chicago, so don't judge). I thought all the farm land was owned by companies that hired people to work it, from like 9-5 or something. Like a desk job, only outdoors.

I also thought the phrase was "used of" instead of "used to" ("I'm used of it," instead of "I'm used to it") I'm sure there are others, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.

I thought that they didn't really pray in General Conference. I don't know why, but I thought prayer was too holy or something to broadcast over the satellite. My theory was that they turned off the broadcast right before the prayer, and then one of the men sitting up on the stand in our chapel (usually someone in the stake presidency) would jump up and say the prayer instead. I figured no one would know about this little conspiracy, since everyone had their eyes shut the whole time. Finally my curiosity overcame my Primary training, and I snuck a peek that shattered my theories.

I was also really confused in general about how the General Conference broadcast worked. I asked my dad how we could see in California something that was currently happening in Utah, and he explained that there were satellites way up high in the sky that sent video of Conference to the dish in the back of the chapel. But what I didn't understand was how the satellites could get the image in the first place. Maybe the Tabernacle didn't have a ceiling, and the satellites had really powerful cameras? But that didn't explain how the camera angles were from the front or side, rather than the top. I was really confused about this for a long time.

Cindy wrote:I thought that they didn't really pray in General Conference.

I was really concerned that the GC cameramen had to keep their eyes open during the prayer in order to operate the camera. My mom said that they could probably just point the camera at the right place and it would stay there during the prayer. Whew!

Portia wrote:Teenage misconception: I thought helluva was pronounced haloova.

Me too!

Now that is a cute story, Cindy

NerdGirl wrote:-I thought that we lived inside the earth because the sky looks round.

So did I. In my case I had heard that the earth was round, they just didn't explain to me which side of the surface we lived on. Well, it made sense to me at the time.

Is this the real reason you went into astronomy, NerdGirl? I supposed if we had powerful enough telescopes we could see the people on the other side of the world. When I said something like this to my older brothers they had no idea what I was talking about. I guess I imagined all the stars were somewhere in the middle of the world. I was three or four at the time.

By the way, are you still studying medicine?

Another misconception was that lions were a type of dog. Okay, I was an adult before I got that straightened out.

WHOA! Vorpal blade! You're back! YAY! It'll be awesome for my brains to be turned to mush more regularly

Squirrel wrote:WHOA! Vorpal blade! You're back! YAY! It'll be awesome for my brains to be turned to mush more regularly

Thank you squirrel. I couldn't imagine why my presence here would cause your brains to turn to mush, but after following the link you gave I understood. I see that I am not entirely forgotten, which may not be a good thing in some cases. Try not to hold my past too much against me. I cannot promise that I will turn your brains to mush in the future. I've changed.

And yes, I am more than three times your age. Someone my age could have a grandchild your age. Now that does make me feel old.