Therapy is dumb.

[Tally M.]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

[Portia]

You'll never again have the convenience and low cost of CCC + Comprehensive Clinic. Just saying.

[Katya]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

Would it help to parse out who, exactly, you think is defining "bad enough"? Is it you? Is it the therapists? (Therapists actually like it when people come in for things that aren't "bad enough," because they're easier to treat.) Is it your family or friends? Is it the community at large?

[Tally M.]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

Would it help to parse out who, exactly, you think is defining "bad enough"? Is it you? Is it the therapists? (Therapists actually like it when people come in for things that aren't "bad enough," because they're easier to treat.) Is it your family or friends? Is it the community at large?

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

[Portia]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

Would it help to parse out who, exactly, you think is defining "bad enough"? Is it you? Is it the therapists? (Therapists actually like it when people come in for things that aren't "bad enough," because they're easier to treat.) Is it your family or friends? Is it the community at large?

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

The board readers/ board board? We're a Q&A board, so I don't think we're representative.

Also, I've read about this, which may help you sort out whether you think you're affected by one, the other, or neither. (PMS and premenstrual dysphoria)

[Katya]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

Would it help to parse out who, exactly, you think is defining "bad enough"? Is it you? Is it the therapists? (Therapists actually like it when people come in for things that aren't "bad enough," because they're easier to treat.) Is it your family or friends? Is it the community at large?

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

Ha! (I'm sure a lot of the quieter people are perfectly mentally stable. )

[mic0]

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

Ha! (I'm sure a lot of the quieter people are perfectly mentally stable. )

YUP! I'm like you, Tally, I think. I don't like to talk about it much because I don't feel like I have it very bad. That said, there are enough days a month where I am really depressed or anxious that it seems to help to talk to someone outside my normal circle. And, like Portia said, the CCC is a good resource; being in college is nice because we have these free resources. You may as well go a few times and see how/if it helps.

[Tally M.]

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

Ha! (I'm sure a lot of the quieter people are perfectly mentally stable. )

YUP! I'm like you, Tally, I think. I don't like to talk about it much because I don't feel like I have it very bad. That said, there are enough days a month where I am really depressed or anxious that it seems to help to talk to someone outside my normal circle. And, like Portia said, the CCC is a good resource; being in college is nice because we have these free resources. You may as well go a few times and see how/if it helps.

I went for about two months this past summer. Mostly because I broke down about this time last year, and a friend made me promise to call and go in. Mentally I know I should, but there's still another mental block keeping me from going.

[UffishThought]

So...I don't have any major mental illnesses. Just minor depressive episodes (at least once a month linked to hormones and headaches, plus some other times if the right circumstances come together). I cognitively realize that I don't have to be "bad enough" for therapy, and I realize that it could do me some good, especially since I'm in a position right now where I don't really have a confidante. However, I'm still in this mindset that I'm not "bad enough" for therapy...regardless of what I actually know.

Would it help to parse out who, exactly, you think is defining "bad enough"? Is it you? Is it the therapists? (Therapists actually like it when people come in for things that aren't "bad enough," because they're easier to treat.) Is it your family or friends? Is it the community at large?

I think it's me. And to be honest, a little bit of comparing myself to this community.

As yet another member of this community (but not as maybe the most public face of mental health advocacy), here's my plug: I started therapy for the first time a a few months ago because I was feeling down more often than I used to and not really enjoying the things I used to enjoy. And I just talked a lot and she knew where I was coming from and sometimes asked questions that helped me see where I was thinking of things wrong and sometimes she gave me information about common thinking errors or people's cycles of thinking and behavior, and it was great and wonderful and I got to a point she thought was good enough that I didn't need to come in anymore in about half the time she said people usually take.

So I guess I'm saying it doesn't have to be super serious but it can be super helpful and it's totally worth it even though your brain says therapy is for broken people and maybe you're not broken enough so you shouldn't go. Because you should. Because therapy can also help people who are pretty okay get to definitely okay or many even awesome. Go, go! Set up an appointment now so you can't wriggle out! And yes--the cheapness is wonderful. (This message has been brought to you by several sentences that ramble too much.)

[Portia]

Well, therapy is whatever.

on the one hand, I got my own apartment, got admitted to an ivy league writers' conference, and cast in a play.

on the other hand, I had the unpleasant realization that my relationships strongly resemble the one in (500) Days of Summer. Right down to "I love the way she makes me feel." Nota bene, not ... I love her. I love her large blue eyes, making out in weather conditions, and her taste in sensitive music of the early '00s. Just like the kid inthe movie, I guess there's something about me ... probably the psychological issues ... that allow dudes to idealize me and believe that I will complete them.

my therapist has some wack ideas about not jumping into bed until the six-month mark. I guess I have no right to b**** if I don't do the things that build meaningful relationships, but unless they're eunuchs or mormon, I don't see that happening in this day and age.

i'm hoping that going to a no-liquid-sugars diet, increased sunlight, and 8-9 hours of sleep by eliminating the commute can help with the mood swings. i don't think anything will help with the relationships. i think i'd just have to be accepted for who i am, not who some guy wants me to be because i'm cute and needy.

[Katya]

on the other hand, I had the unpleasant realization that my relationships strongly resemble the one in (500) Days of Summer. Right down to "I love the way she makes me feel." Nota bene, not ... I love her. I love her large blue eyes, making out in weather conditions, and her taste in sensitive music of the early '00s. Just like the kid inthe movie, I guess there's something about me ... probably the psychological issues ... that allow dudes to idealize me and believe that I will complete them.

So they're in love with the idea of you, but not actually in love with you? That sucks.

[Portia]

on the other hand, I had the unpleasant realization that my relationships strongly resemble the one in (500) Days of Summer. Right down to "I love the way she makes me feel." Nota bene, not ... I love her. I love her large blue eyes, making out in weather conditions, and her taste in sensitive music of the early '00s. Just like the kid inthe movie, I guess there's something about me ... probably the psychological issues ... that allow dudes to idealize me and believe that I will complete them.

So they're in love with the idea of you, but not actually in love with you? That sucks.

Yes, looking at it objectively, I think so. A few different people have talked with me about the concept of boundaries, of holding things closer to one's chest until greater trust is gained. That is a challenge for me.

One young gentleman whom I do feel accepts the "true me" is a fairly good candidate for being a narcissist. He seems nonplussed by my emotional problems, and we have a very open friendship. I wonder if he feels he understands me, though, because of his own weak connections, tendency to move, and giant chip on his shoulder. I.e., does he like me for me, or because a trait about me reflects well on him? He doesn't believe in fairy tale love ... But I don't know if he believes in love in the normal sense at all.

[Katya]

my therapist has some wack ideas about not jumping into bed until the six-month mark. I guess I have no right to b**** if I don't do the things that build meaningful relationships, but unless they're eunuchs or mormon, I don't see that happening in this day and age.

This strikes me as a self-fulfilling prophecy. So long as you believe such men don't exist; you won't look for them / attract them / expect the men you know to live up to that standard.

[Emiliana]

my therapist has some wack ideas about not jumping into bed until the six-month mark. I guess I have no right to b**** if I don't do the things that build meaningful relationships, but unless they're eunuchs or mormon, I don't see that happening in this day and age.

This strikes me as a self-fulfilling prophecy. So long as you believe such men don't exist; you won't look for them / attract them / expect the men you know to live up to that standard.

These guys are in the minority, but they're definitely out there (case in point, my best friend just hit six months with her boyfriend without doing the dirty; neither of them is Mormon or a eunuch). If you let them know upfront that it's gonna be awhile a lot of men can adjust their expectations.

What was her reasoning for six months, though? Seems a bit arbitrary.

[Portia]

His standard was in the three- to six-month range. He believes that the honeymoon phase/hormones can blind a person to a partner's flaws, and that by establishing a groundwork that's not based on sex, you have a friendship to fall back on.

He seems to think that with my condition it's even more likely that I rush to the physical and believe that equates with a man truly deeply caring, and then get crushed if/when that's not the case. I don't know that he's wrong.

[Whistler]

I was in a relationship once where we decided to stop making out so much and see if we still liked each other. We still liked each other okay. We broke up later for other reasons though.

[Marduk]

We still liked each other okay.

I can't imagine why this relationship didn't turn out. This sounds like the stuff of movie romance.

[Portia]

Ha!

I think different individuals have a difference tolerance to rejection, and mine is nearly zero. So I feel really hurt whether it's a year-long relationship that ends, or just some dude I met who doesn't return my feelings. And this is not limited to sexual situations, although I think it is limited to potential dating/romantic relationships.

[SmurfBlueSnuggie]

I wanted to share something and this feels like the right place to do it. I've dealt with negative body image for years. In the past couple years I finally started trying to spend some time trying to adjust the mentality and not just my body. I'd gotten so much better. I've been working out and eating healthily because I care about my body being strong and active for years to come, not because I hate how I look. I've learned to dress myself in a way I like. I've learned to not let my dad talk to me about looks basically ever. But I really wasn't curing the negative image, I was just learning how to live with it.

Between a boyfriend who said he didn't consider me super-attractive but was still attracted to me (yes, it sounds terrible, but it was this crazy revelation that I could still be something physically desirable even though I don't rate high on a looks scale. If he'd told me I was attractive, I'd have thought he was lying.) and my new therapist who lets me just talk about whatever I want, I was starting to realize that the negative image ran deeper than I ever thought. So recently my therapist gave me a book to work through on improving things. The first bit was nice. Lots of little quizzes about what I like and don't like. I was saddened to see just how much I hate about myself and how deeply it runs. But I was also happy to see that there were more things than I thought that were neutral or somewhat positive. I'd sort of thought I was all neutral-to-negative.

The latest chapter has been a huge problem though. I use biofeedback for stress. Have done so for years. Visualizations are by far the best option for me. This chapter of the book uses an autogenics text to try to create a relaxed state. So I used one of my autogenics tracks instead of my visualization for a week or two. Autogenics has you focus on each part of the body one by one and relax it. It's always been really hard for me; it just tenses me more. But the book used autogenics. The chapter before had me recording every "body image episode" in a journal. Now I was supposed to focus on body parts to relax them while having essentially a panic attack over how much I hate myself. It didn't work. I've been severely messed up for three weeks now. I'm constantly thinking about why I'm ugly.

So my therapist told me to take a week off. Yesterday I was telling a friend about this and it hit me: "no wonder it's not working!" Let me ask if this makes any sense to you. To solve my self-hate over my body, they recommend I put all my focus on each body part one by one, no matter my opinion about that body part. Because that's totally going to help. You hate this thing - think about it and relax it!

Yeah... so, when I see her Tuesday I'm going to create an alternate plan to get through this step. Because that is stupid.

[bobtheenchantedone]

It's never fun to run up against something that just doesn't work for you. For a few weeks my therapist kept giving me "homework" of different relaxation techniques to do during the week which I would either a) try once or twice without it working or b) forget to do entirely and then feel stressed right before my next appointment because I didn't get my homework done. Now she has me set the homework and that's so much better.