Temple Endowment for Single Sisters

[Integrating Editor]

https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/73562/
I'm having a hard time with this question since it hurt more to have my chance at receiving my own endowment soon ripped away from me than it did to have the chance of a mission taken away. I know I'm only 19, but the fact that I've been wanting to get my endowment since I was 13 or 14 ought to count for something. I've ached for that, desperately wanted to make more covenants, to tie myself more tightly to God. I also want to learn there more fully about the plan of salvation, and I've wanted that for years. If Tootles is right, 26 is a really long way away. All of my friends have gone through the temple or will be doing so in the next few months, and in many cases they have far less desire to go through the temple than I do. They haven't spent much time considering it, and it's just the next thing to do before serving a mission or getting married. When it comes to being "ready for the serious things in life," many of the people my age seem far less ready for the seriousness of life than I am. Having dealt with clinical depression complete with hallucinations and frequent suicidality for most of your clearly remembered life will do that for you. And the missionaries going off will come back probably before I go through for myself. So I'll be living the same life that they are, but they'll have the added strength and responsibility of the covenants while I will not. I just want either an explanation that actually fits my circumstances, that lets me know why as a kid whose life story has a tendency to make people cry, I don't need extra help from the temple covenants but all my friends do. Does anyone have an explanation that I can really grasp onto? Something that can help me wait?

[C is for]

I'm pretty sure it's 25 tho

(not that that helps)

Listen, you should find a bishop and tell him how much you want to go to the temple. He'll either tell you why it's not the right time for you or he will tell you to begin preparing to go through. It's really up to your bishop.

(And for a personal story, I was a service missionary at 21, knowing I couldn't do full-time service anytime soon. Brought up the possibility of endowment with my bishop, he said he didn't see why not. Not all bishops do this for service missionaries, but mine was okay with it. Maybe you should consider a service mission.)

[Tally M.]

I think the line I most take issue with in that answer is "generally people going on missions or getting married are ready for the serious things in life."

I'm not quite sure why. It just does.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

On the positive side, I have a friend who is my age (TO THE DAY. Weird, huh? She was also my next door neighbor growing up. Anyways...) that got her endowment a couple months ago (22 and a bit). She is definitely not planning on going on a mission any time soon (She is starting grad school in a month), and she (pardon the blunt/harsh) has no current prospects of getting married.

So, some bishops will let/encourage you to get your endowment just because at a younger age than 25 or 26.

[thatonemom]

But if not...

I was 24 when I went through the temple (about a week before I got married) I'd been in a ward previously where I'd asked the bishop about it (I was 23, nearly done with grad school, and had a full-time job lined up. I felt about as "adult" as I could get). Anyway, he flat out said the stake president wouldn't let any single sisters go until they were 25. And that was the end of it.

I won't pretend like that didn't hurt, and I can't even explain all the reasons why. But I have some ideas on what to do in the mean time:
Go to the temple as often as you can. The baptistry is a sacred place. I know Provo and Timp get extremely crowded. And sometimes the workers or patrons are LOUD. So try to go to other temples, if you can. Or go at off-peak hours. Some of the strongest promptings I've gotten were in the baptistry. We are definitely blessed when we go there.

Learn what you can about the temple and the ordinances there. Read The Holy Temple. Take the temples class (if you're at BYU, or from institute). Read the dedicatory prayers for the different temples. Notice how the promised blessings are for everyone, not just people who participate in specific ordinances.

Do the temple work for your own family, if possible. (If it's all done, you can do some of mine. I'm not even joking. There is so, so much to do).

Learn more about the covenants you've already made, and the blessings that come from them.

Seek out spiritual help in other ways. The temple is a good source of blessings, but it is one of many. Ask for Priesthood blessings when you need them. If you're home teachers suck/are non-existant, ask your FHE brothers/bishop/roommate's boyfriends/Elder's Quorum president. There are a lot of people who will help as soon as you let them know there's a need.

Hugs to you, IE. I know it's a hard thing not to be able to go through the temple as soon as you feel like you're ready. But I promise it is nothing bad or lacking on your part.

[Wild Berry]

I think the line I most take issue with in that answer is "generally people going on missions or getting married are ready for the serious things in life."

I'm not quite sure why. It just does.

It bothers me a little too. Are 19-20 year old girls that much more ready for the serious things just because they've had the opportunity to get married and I haven't? I'm about to graduate and hopefully go to grad school and that's pretty intense to me. But really, while it doesn't make much sense for girls to wait so long, it definitely depends on the bishop and stake. I'll be 23 soon and my bishop said our stake is happy to recommend girls to go through starting at 23 1/2 if the bishop approves it.

[Katya]

I think the line I most take issue with in that answer is "generally people going on missions or getting married are ready for the serious things in life."

I'm not quite sure why. It just does.

I think this is one of those times when reaching for an explanation or justification ("you can't go through the temple before 25 because you're not 'ready for the serious things in life'") is much worse (and more insulting) than simply acknowledging that there is a relatively arbitrary policy in place and, like most arbitrary policies, it occasionally backfires or hurts people in unintended ways.

[UffishThought]

The impression that I've gotten is more like this:

LDS theology holds that you're not responsible to live according to laws you haven't been taught, but once you learn them, you're accountable. The temple has some really big laws, and the spiritual consequences for failing to live up to them could be huge. Quite a few young adults leave the church. Unless those young adults are about to participate in something that requires them to be endowed (like a mission or marriage), leaders are reluctant to give them a recommend in the middle of the prime danger-of-leaving-the-church period. And of course there are individual exceptions, but generally, it seems like less of a "you personally aren't mature enough" policy and more of a "your demographic isn't as invested in the church as we like people making these covenants to be" policy.

Thoughts?

[Tally M.]

The impression that I've gotten is more like this:

LDS theology holds that you're not responsible to live according to laws you haven't been taught, but once you learn them, you're accountable. The temple has some really big laws, and the spiritual consequences for failing to live up to them could be huge. Quite a few young adults leave the church. Unless those young adults are about to participate in something that requires them to be endowed (like a mission or marriage), leaders are reluctant to give them a recommend in the middle of the prime danger-of-leaving-the-church period. And of course there are individual exceptions, but generally, it seems like less of a "you personally aren't mature enough" policy and more of a "your demographic isn't as invested in the church as we like people making these covenants to be" policy.

Thoughts?

I think that makes more sense. But it's not normally portrayed that way.

[Integrating Editor]

The impression that I've gotten is more like this:

LDS theology holds that you're not responsible to live according to laws you haven't been taught, but once you learn them, you're accountable. The temple has some really big laws, and the spiritual consequences for failing to live up to them could be huge. Quite a few young adults leave the church. Unless those young adults are about to participate in something that requires them to be endowed (like a mission or marriage), leaders are reluctant to give them a recommend in the middle of the prime danger-of-leaving-the-church period. And of course there are individual exceptions, but generally, it seems like less of a "you personally aren't mature enough" policy and more of a "your demographic isn't as invested in the church as we like people making these covenants to be" policy.

Thoughts?

Why would they encourage more missionaries at younger ages if that's the case? That seems to be increasing the potential numbers of people with greater responsibility and potential for falling away. Which leaves that particular policy applying to fewer and fewer people. The answer you're putting forward is definitely the most reasonable one I've ever heard, but it still leaves me with a lot of questions. Especially since those returned missionaries come back and live exactly the way I will in a few years. The world of missionary work can only shelter them for a little while.

[Tally M.]

The impression that I've gotten is more like this:

LDS theology holds that you're not responsible to live according to laws you haven't been taught, but once you learn them, you're accountable. The temple has some really big laws, and the spiritual consequences for failing to live up to them could be huge. Quite a few young adults leave the church. Unless those young adults are about to participate in something that requires them to be endowed (like a mission or marriage), leaders are reluctant to give them a recommend in the middle of the prime danger-of-leaving-the-church period. And of course there are individual exceptions, but generally, it seems like less of a "you personally aren't mature enough" policy and more of a "your demographic isn't as invested in the church as we like people making these covenants to be" policy.

Thoughts?

Why would they encourage more missionaries at younger ages if that's the case? That seems to be increasing the potential numbers of people with greater responsibility and potential for falling away. Which leaves that particular policy applying to fewer and fewer people. The answer you're putting forward is definitely the most reasonable one I've ever heard, but it still leaves me with a lot of questions. Especially since those returned missionaries come back and live exactly the way I will in a few years. The world of missionary work can only shelter them for a little while.

And honestly, maybe it currently is an arbitrary policy. So that those who really do feel like they should go through the temple sooner make a significant effort.

[blpsara]

I am one of those individuals. Granted, I am 32 now, but my experience is relevant.

At age 20, I knew I was not supposed to go on a mission (and was devastated. I always wanted to go.). I also knew I was supposed to receive my endowments. My parents 100% supported me. My bishop 100% supported me. My stake president fought me tooth and nail. This was right before the current policy came into place, by the way.

His reasoning to me was that the reason why they want you to be getting married or going on a mission is that the covenants you make are so serious that they want you to have support in those covenants. (Marriage, your spouse can help you live those covenants. Mission, your companions can help you live those.)

I 100% know that some people are ready earlier. If you know it's your time, talk to your parents and bishop. Get their support. Ask what you need to do to prepare. But just know that it may not turn out the way you want it to. You may meet opposition and resistance. The preparation is still going to bring many, many blessings in your life, and you will have a greater appreciation for the temple when you do go through versus someone who goes through without that preparation.

[blpsara]

PS - My stake president did let me go through. But it took many, many conversations before he agreed.

[SmurfBlueSnuggie]

I am the opposite of you, IE, in that I am slightly terrified of receiving my endowments. However, I have friends with your view point and have ended up in some interesting conversations over the topic that may offer some insights.

Another "qualifying situation," apparently, is a single woman living alone overseas. When you add this to marriage and mission, I think the binding similarity in the situations is extreme need. You say that some people going on missions/getting married are just as or less prepared and excited than you? Well, maybe that is exactly /why/ they need the endowment. Because what the Lord is about to give to them is so overwhelming, and they aren't ready for it yet. This is pure hypothesis, but it was the idea that came to my mind while she was trying to convince me to get my endowment.

[Emiliana]

Disclaimer: I am not, have never been, and don't intend to be Mormon, and therefore really have no idea what I'm talking about. That said, Smurf's comment about "extreme need" brought this to mind ... Would your mental health problems qualify as an extreme need?

[vorpal blade]

The Church policy is as follows:

"Most single members will be interviewed for a recommend for their own endowment when they
are called as missionaries or when they are to be married in a temple. Worthy single members
who have not received their endowment in connection with a mission or marriage may become
eligible for a recommend interview when the bishop and the stake president determine that they are sufficiently mature to understand and keep the sacred covenants made in a temple. Such eligibility should be determined individually for each person rather than using routine criteria such as reaching a certain age or leaving home for college or employment."

So, unless there was a recent change I'm unaware of, there is no age criteria.

[UffishThought]

Maybe not, but there are definitely bishops and stake presidents with their own age guidelines. Most of the ones around here I've seen have been in the 22-26 range.

[Tally M.]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/73562/#comments

MSJ posted a comment.

[NerdGirl]

I was 19 when I received my endowment (in 2002). I started talking to my bishop about it when I was 18, and he told me thought I should wait for about a year and see if I still felt as strongly about it. I did. And his response ultimately was that if I had received revelation that this was what I was supposed to be do, then it would be wrong for him to try to stop me. I think it's very bishop-dependent, but if you really feel strongly about it, talk to your bishop repeatedly about it. Just keep going in and talking to him.

And try not to dwell on feeling like you're missing out on blessings/protection. In my own personal experience, there are a few aspects of the church that I am not able to fully participate in due to physical limitations (I can't fully take the sacrament anymore because of gluten contamination, for example). I feel like God understands my circumstances and what is in my heart and doesn't withhold anything from me because of my limitations. I think that if you have such a strong desire to go to the temple and make covenants, God will recognize that and honor that desire even if you end up not actually being able to go to the temple right now.

[UffishThought]

In my own personal experience, there are a few aspects of the church that I am not able to fully participate in due to physical limitations (I can't fully take the sacrament anymore because of gluten contamination, for example).

Really? In my ward they have a few rice cracker fragments for the gluten-intolerant folks. Maybe you should see if you can get something set up for you.