Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/74866/
I really almost asked this question myself. What would your response be? I'm trying to decide how much to spend time with him without leading him on. I hear that's bad.

Here are the two things I think:

1. People deserve to be with someone who is attracted to them, so it's not fair to prolong a serious relationship in spite of a lack of attraction.

2. Sometimes attraction takes a while to develop.

These to things are, unfortunately, at odds with each other, so I'd say give it enough time that you don't think (2) is going to happen. Which, unfortunately, may not be a precise time. (But if you're attracted to everyone else on the planet besides him, then yeah, it's probably not going to happen.)

Talk to yayfulness about him and his girlfriend.

I would say if you're interested, do friend things with him. If he's interested, give him a couple dates before you really ix nay it. Although I would also say you need to remember that your goal at this point in life (assuming you're a practicing, generally in agreement with the doctrine, Latter-day Saint, but then again, this is the board board, so that's a big assumption) is to find a life companion, and not "just friends" of the opposite gender.

Also, People who were friends first I feel make the happiest couples.

Giovanni Schwartz wrote: Also, People who were friends first I feel make the happiest couples.

So, I've always thought this and most of my relationship-y things have happened after I've known them for a while, but now there's kind of something with a new guy so I'm trying to do the friends and beginning of relationship thing at the same time because I really don't know him very well at all and it's terrible.

So, yes, I'm asking myself the same question about timing because I think I maybe like him, but I'm not sure.

Violet wrote:

Giovanni Schwartz wrote: Also, People who were friends first I feel make the happiest couples.

So, I've always thought this and most of my relationship-y things have happened after I've known them for a while, but now there's kind of something with a new guy so I'm trying to do the friends and beginning of relationship thing at the same time because I really don't know him very well at all and it's terrible.

So, yes, I'm asking myself the same question about timing because I think I maybe like him, but I'm not sure.

I'm not saying any other way doesn't work. Heck, I met my girlfriend on our first date.

I wasn't trying to say otherwise. I'm sorry if it came across that way. I intended to share experience where it was more difficult not being friends/knowing each other first. That's all.

You could always be, you know, up front and honest about your feelings. Express interest in seeing where things are going, but that you don't feel that strongly right now. I know, honesty in relationships, particularly in the beginning of relationships, is a crazy idea most people don't ever think of, but hey, it could work, right?

Marduk wrote:You could always be, you know, up front and honest about your feelings.

Haha yeah, when I thought "What would the Board say?" the answer was "BE HONEST!" I'm still...thinking about how it would all go down, exactly...I guess. Still figuring out what "attraction" means for me. Thanks for your perspectives.

You guys, I feel so young.

What does the Board say? Ring a ding a ding a ding a ding ding ding.

1, Katya's right and a big winner.

2, I'm not convinced that in the end, it matters if you were friends first or not, so long as you do become friends. Maybe it leads to greater accuracy in your dating--you already know that you get along great when you start--but dating is a way of finding out how you get along as well, so I think you end up in the same spot. Assuming you ARE friend material. But if you're attracted to them and so far they seem pretty cool but you don't know them very well, I'm still fine with you putting your mouth on their mouth while you figure it out. Which is not your situation, Owlet, so don't worry about it.

This defensive mini-monologue of justification has been brought to you by 4/6 of my boyfriends.

I would move on and date other people. If an attraction grows through friendship, then you can investigate the newly formed sexual tension. But I haven't always followed my own advice.