stressed-out agnostic
Posted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:27 pm
faith crisis
Oh, fun times. I don't think BYU's counselors are going to turn you in, Stasi-style, but I've found that they can have a hard time wrapping their heads around the implications of a loss of faith. (Makes sense, as they have to be believers themselves to stay employed long-term at BYU.)
It may be a lot harder to keep your grades up, and stay healthy, if you feel you have to be "in the closet." I felt like at least making a good-faith effort to attend services and keep the Honor Code was the only way I was able to justify my decision to re-enroll. Cutting out your social network is a pretty good way to launch yourself into a major depressive episode.
Transferring was near-impossible for me, as well. I would personally advise against telling people. It only makes them freak out and make your feel more guilty. Don't tell your bishop you outright don't believe. I had good results with "I am not sure but I am willing to try." I felt that was honest, but put a more positive spin than "nope, God is dead, bishop!"
I was actually much better at keeping the Honor Code and participating in my classes when I was almost certain there was no God than when I was trying to believe. I think I was able to see the good in the Church more, and focus on the positive. But I don't know, I just didn't have a great experience with the disaffected Mormon community. A lot of them had a lot of anger and unresolved issues unrelated to the Church, and whether it was a sham or not, my friends that were either all in or all out seemed to be more mentally healthy.
I feel like this dilemma is becoming more and more common, especially among some of the highest-achieving BYU students. I wonder if the administration is aware, and what they intend to do about it. ("Raise the bar?") If anyone remembers the Student Review article about how those who lose their belief should be able to "come out" and stay enrolled, he's one of my best friends here in the Midwest. He's pretty much completely severed himself from the Church at this point. I'm really torn on this issue: I think BYU primarily serves the faithful, and what he wanted was unlikely to happen, but at the same time, I feel like he's a good person, a productive member of society, and really using his education well, better than many true believers.
Oh, and my childhood best friend graduated from BYU the same time as me, and just "came out" to his mother about his leaving the Church, and it went very badly. He's also very intelligent, although not as work-focused as my other friend. I think he's a lot less black-and-white than my engineering friend (unsurprisingly, given that he was in Humanities), and got through his mission by thinking of the Church in terms of "narrative," in his words.
I feel like a part of me wants to say "it gets better" (it really does!) but a part of me wants to say it gets way, way, way worse before it gets better. If you can "turn it off" as the song says, I think that's ultimately the best way to survive. We all prioritize what we think about, and by simply not caring about the truthiness of the Church or not, and surrounding myself by true believers, I did better.
But I am better at mental gymnastics than just about anyone I know. I think it's a coping mechanism I adopted somewhere over the years.
Oh, fun times. I don't think BYU's counselors are going to turn you in, Stasi-style, but I've found that they can have a hard time wrapping their heads around the implications of a loss of faith. (Makes sense, as they have to be believers themselves to stay employed long-term at BYU.)
It may be a lot harder to keep your grades up, and stay healthy, if you feel you have to be "in the closet." I felt like at least making a good-faith effort to attend services and keep the Honor Code was the only way I was able to justify my decision to re-enroll. Cutting out your social network is a pretty good way to launch yourself into a major depressive episode.
Transferring was near-impossible for me, as well. I would personally advise against telling people. It only makes them freak out and make your feel more guilty. Don't tell your bishop you outright don't believe. I had good results with "I am not sure but I am willing to try." I felt that was honest, but put a more positive spin than "nope, God is dead, bishop!"
I was actually much better at keeping the Honor Code and participating in my classes when I was almost certain there was no God than when I was trying to believe. I think I was able to see the good in the Church more, and focus on the positive. But I don't know, I just didn't have a great experience with the disaffected Mormon community. A lot of them had a lot of anger and unresolved issues unrelated to the Church, and whether it was a sham or not, my friends that were either all in or all out seemed to be more mentally healthy.
I feel like this dilemma is becoming more and more common, especially among some of the highest-achieving BYU students. I wonder if the administration is aware, and what they intend to do about it. ("Raise the bar?") If anyone remembers the Student Review article about how those who lose their belief should be able to "come out" and stay enrolled, he's one of my best friends here in the Midwest. He's pretty much completely severed himself from the Church at this point. I'm really torn on this issue: I think BYU primarily serves the faithful, and what he wanted was unlikely to happen, but at the same time, I feel like he's a good person, a productive member of society, and really using his education well, better than many true believers.
Oh, and my childhood best friend graduated from BYU the same time as me, and just "came out" to his mother about his leaving the Church, and it went very badly. He's also very intelligent, although not as work-focused as my other friend. I think he's a lot less black-and-white than my engineering friend (unsurprisingly, given that he was in Humanities), and got through his mission by thinking of the Church in terms of "narrative," in his words.
I feel like a part of me wants to say "it gets better" (it really does!) but a part of me wants to say it gets way, way, way worse before it gets better. If you can "turn it off" as the song says, I think that's ultimately the best way to survive. We all prioritize what we think about, and by simply not caring about the truthiness of the Church or not, and surrounding myself by true believers, I did better.
But I am better at mental gymnastics than just about anyone I know. I think it's a coping mechanism I adopted somewhere over the years.
