Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Yeah... Just took me a long time to realize it. And I mean, there were good times and I considered her my best friend, but man... She's a pretty self centered person. I mean she did like me- it wasn't completely just using me-- she just didn't appreciate me.

Concorde wrote:Bad friends are the worse. And I seem to collect them because I start thinking "If I was better they would treat me better" and I make it my fault.

I know. It's a terrible mode of thought but I don't know how to shake it and it's why I've been in do many abusive relationships before. It's just easier to blame myself and I've become so used to that kind of behavior that I start to have trouble distinguishing between what's normal and acceptable and what isn't. My parents were kind of like that. Their love and approval and a stable home life was contingent on how you acted and they made no secret of it. I just translated that mode of thinking into my other relationships. It's very at odds with the rest of my personality though because I'm so independent and opinionated and aggressive normally, so to be such a doormat for terrible people is weird. Luckily I break things off before it gets horrible, but it's still such a weird, anxiety-inducing thing for me because even though by the time I break it off they've done something insane that no one else would have stuck around to see, I still blame myself.

Concorde wrote:My parents were kind of like that. Their love and approval and a stable home life was contingent on how you acted and they made no secret of it. I just translated that mode of thinking into my other relationships. It's very at odds with the rest of my personality though because I'm so independent and opinionated and aggressive normally, so to be such a doormat for terrible people is weird.

I'm sorry. This situation is tough.

Yeah... it's okay though. My parents have gotten better about it and my younger siblings don't have to deal with it.

The thing is, I don't feel that much animosity towards my roommate right now. I mean, if she started yelling, I would yell back and it would re-escalate, but I don't hate her or even feel those nervous anger butterflies I sometimes get. I just want her to leave me alone and stay out of my life now and I don't really feel any guilt for cutting her off, even though her boyfriend did the same thing earlier this week to her. She's feeling sorry for herself more than enough. I don't feel the need to add to that by feeling sorry for her. At the same time, I do kind of want to hash out the issues clearly and then leave her be, but that's opening a huge can of worms.

And then there's the ancient Rome part of me that's like "I WANT TO SEE VENGEANCE."

People who take something in the news and try to make a pile of money off of people's fear. Buy our $497 ebola suit.

I was the photographer for a friend's wedding. First she wanted me to send all the photos without editing (a big no-no in photographer circles, akin to turning in a first draft of a paper instead of a polished final draft). Then, when I sent her the photos, she gave them new crops and slapped Instagram filters on them. Now she's telling everyone what a good photographer I am and I'm kinda cringing to have my name associated with the new edits.

There is someone in the district office with whom I occasionally have reason to interact. He's a nice man. He named his firstborn son after a book character that I love.

BUT heaven help me if there is at least one aspect of the curriculum that he doesn't understand. AT. ALL. And seeing that it's his job to tell me how I'm supposed to be teaching that aspect of the curriculum, I kind of want to strangle him right now.

Dude who calls himself "Super Prude" has the worst superpower ever. (Being simultaneously a whiner and entitled.) Gross.

Portia wrote:Dude who calls himself "Super Prude" has the worst superpower ever. (Being simultaneously a whiner and entitled.) Gross.

I thought the whole question was hilarious until it really clicked that it means there is at least one person out there who really feels that way. Going on one date gives you no grounds to expect any sort of commitment at all. For all he knows, since the date she could have decided to be serious with this other guy and IS holding hands in a committed relationship. She has no obligation to tell him or really consider him in the decision.

We're talking about hand-holding, too, not making out or something.

Apparently this is hitting an unexpected pet peeve of mine. Which is unexpected because I also have to feel pretty committal before I hold hands. But I don't judge other people for it!

Zedability wrote:

Portia wrote:Dude who calls himself "Super Prude" has the worst superpower ever. (Being simultaneously a whiner and entitled.) Gross.

I thought the whole question was hilarious until it really clicked that it means there is at least one person out there who really feels that way. Going on one date gives you no grounds to expect any sort of commitment at all. For all he knows, since the date she could have decided to be serious with this other guy and IS holding hands in a committed relationship. She has no obligation to tell him or really consider him in the decision.

We're talking about hand-holding, too, not making out or something.

Apparently this is hitting an unexpected pet peeve of mine. Which is unexpected because I also have to feel pretty committal before I hold hands. But I don't judge other people for it!

Yeah, it's like the collision of Victorian social mores with a raging case of "Nice Guy" Syndrome. I've never met a guy who was otherwise cool but creepy-possessive like this. I sometimes wish that I hadn't absorbed some super damaging ideas about affection and sexuality by a warped culture. I think it contributes to the desperate-for-love-and-attention questions we get from women. If men can't just taking a chill pill, then somehow everything becomes super fraught and stressful. It's still shocking to me when a guy is like, "okay, we can take it slow" or "I want you to feel comfortable" because I've been burned so many times by guys who think (and I'm not making this phrase up) the "girl on their arm" should be me just because I flirted with them, or something.

Guys who wait for a girl on her mission.

Tally M. wrote:Guys who wait for a girl on her mission.

Sometimes it works out, ok?

Zedability wrote:

Tally M. wrote:Guys who wait for a girl on her mission.

Sometimes it works out, ok? :P

I'd be surprised if Tally were referring to a guy also on a mission ...

Portia wrote:

Zedability wrote:

Tally M. wrote:Guys who wait for a girl on her mission.

Sometimes it works out, ok?

I'd be surprised if Tally were referring to a guy also on a mission ...

Both being on a mission is a completely different story that I'm okay with

Well there's an inevitable 6 months minimum where one person is off, and I know we both had some disgruntled interested parties that wished we weren't waiting. But yeah there is a fundamental difference

My dad excitedly told me an idea for a present he has for me, that would require my participation and that iam uncomfortable with and he is extremely proud of the idea. I said no without hesitation then started crying and left the room. I don't know what the rant is, the emotions are just raw and I hate how I feel and how I probably made him sad about something he was so excited about. At least I have a lovely dark closet to hide in.

Sounds like your dad didn't anticipate your reaction. As long as he doesn't push you, I'm sure that your feelings are more important to him than the fact that the idea seemed good to him on paper. Don't feel guilty!

it's so hard to tell family that they are stressing you out when they're trying to be nice to you. but good for you for standing up for yourself!

Thanks you guys. I took a break from my parents for a couple hours after that and then the rest of the day went smoothly. I'm not sure what his plan is now, but oh well, he knows how I feel so that's good.