Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

So many of my friends work for so many of them that I don't even know.

I'm always annoyed at how many students drop my class after the first day. I don't think it is higher (or lower) than average, but still -- why did I spend time trying to learn your name? Why did I waste so much time telling you what the class was about?

Marduk wrote:I'm always annoyed at how many students drop my class after the first day. I don't think it is higher (or lower) than average, but still -- why did I spend time trying to learn your name? Why did I waste so much time telling you what the class was about?

The only classes of mine that can be "dropped" are AP classes. And honestly, if you don't want to be there, I don't want you there! Nothing worse than an AP Lit class in which students aren't willing to a) read things and b) write things..

But yeah, my husband teaches at the community college and he sometimes takes it personally when students drop his class.

My grandmother died a few days before Christmas. It sucks. She was awesome. And now my grandfather is dealing with his loneliness by saying everything he's thinking, including:
-Calling my 33 year old sister an "old maid" (he did apologize for this after realizing it hurt her feelings)
-Commenting on what a great job the surgeons did reconstructing my aunt's breasts after her mastectomy
-Telling us that "the homosexuals" all love him
-Describing his neighborhood as "fairly integrated" but "we don't have any drug dealers or anything like that"
-Opining that atheists are all some of the bitterest people in the world (not realizing that he was sitting at the table with two agnostics and an atheist)
-Telling my cousin's girlfriend that she looks like one of the Kardashians

Sigh.

I guess I have mixed feelings about people who say whatever is on their minds. On the one hand it is good to know exactly where you stand with them. You can better understand them when they aren’t trying to hide their true feelings. You know better what to say to them. You don’t have to guess what they are really thinking, which if you don’t like someone very much is usually much worse than what they are really thinking. And we often project onto others our own prejudices and shortcomings when we guess what they “really meant.”

On the other hand it is appalling and discouraging to know the horrible things someone is actually thinking. Sometimes politeness and good manners say we should hold our peace or be extra kind in our response. Sometimes being perfectly honest and brutally frank is just that, being brutal.

Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I’m sure your grandfather must also be a wonderful man, even if he thinks and says things from time to time that we would rather not hear. I’ve noticed that old people tend to lose their social filters as they get older. It is just an unfortunate aspect of growing old. Your wonderful grandmother must have seen the good in him.

vorpal blade wrote:I guess I have mixed feelings about people who say whatever is on their minds. On the one hand it is good to know exactly where you stand with them. You can better understand them when they aren’t trying to hide their true feelings. You know better what to say to them. You don’t have to guess what they are really thinking, which if you don’t like someone very much is usually much worse than what they are really thinking. And we often project onto others our own prejudices and shortcomings when we guess what they “really meant.”

This is true.

My grandfather definitely is a good man in many ways. My grandmother had been ailing for 15 years and he took incredible, loving care of her all through that time. And he's generous with his time and money and attention. But four straight days with him was a bit taxing.

I was thinking about the dynamics of married couples. It seems to me that when a man lives with a woman for a long time he becomes sensitive to what he might say that will annoy or offend her. She may tell him later, after he has said something he should not have said, so next time he won’t say something like that again. Then when the woman dies he is left without the restraint he used to feel in saying whatever was on his mind. Perhaps something like that happened to your grandfather.

At any rate living with an old person can be taxing. Today was my birthday, so I may be thinking about this a little more.

I think in his case it's mostly that he's not filtering what he's saying because he just wants to talk about any ole thing because talking distracts him from his grief.

Happy belated birthday!

That’s certainly reasonable.

Thanks for the birthday wish!

Sorry if I am coming back to this subject too much. I was just wondering how your grandfather would react if the next time he said something outrageous you asked him what your grandmother would have thought about him saying what he just said. The idea is to see if he would say something like, “Oh, she wouldn’t have wanted me to say that.” And it might get him talking about your grandmother. Perhaps he just needs an excuse to open up and express his feelings about his wife.

Just a thought and a suggestion.

My principal has no earthly idea what I do all day as an AP English teacher. She needs to go back to elementary school where she came from.