leftover women
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 9:24 pm
There's been a bubble of "I'm a single woman with no prospects and it sucks" questions lately. I think this is an under addressed issue in Mormon culture at large: there simply aren't enough active Mormon men to go around for the women, assuming they even all are marriage-minded.
From the Des News (which is Huff Po esque but they cite decent surveys) three years ago:
As someone who is about to marry this year someone who superficially fits a lot of the YW "list" attributes (R.M., BYU grad, employed, wants a family, even tall, blond, and strong-jawed, which always seemed like a weird status symbol, maybe because that's the privileged in-group), I guess I could advise young ladies how to snag their own. Unfortunately for the narrative he woke up one day before he met me and was done with it all. He's not the only one.
I'm lucky enough to know that I have religious, or in this case, lack of, compatibility in my relationship. It's not a trivial thing to say, look outside the group. But I find it horrible to think that you could face your twenties, thirties, not knowing what a happy relationship is firsthand. It's not good to be lonely, and the Disney Princess stuff is bad enough without the upshot being, "passively wait for the Priesthood holder who doesn't statistically exist."
It's a social problem that appears to be getting worse.
From the Des News (which is Huff Po esque but they cite decent surveys) three years ago:
That's just numbers, man. I don't think 1 out of 3 women should be consigned to a life without companionship. I think they should consider dating any man with whom they can have a good relationship. It seems so insulting to basically drill this ideal of unusually young marriage and childbearing into women in late adolescence and then cut them off from real autonomy or leadership without a man to fulfill this social role.• According to the report, "young men in the Mormon Culture Region are defecting at substantially higher rates than young women, creating a growing gender imbalance and a surplus of Mormon women. In Utah, self-identified Mormon women outnumber men by a ratio of 3 to 2."
As someone who is about to marry this year someone who superficially fits a lot of the YW "list" attributes (R.M., BYU grad, employed, wants a family, even tall, blond, and strong-jawed, which always seemed like a weird status symbol, maybe because that's the privileged in-group), I guess I could advise young ladies how to snag their own. Unfortunately for the narrative he woke up one day before he met me and was done with it all. He's not the only one.
I'm lucky enough to know that I have religious, or in this case, lack of, compatibility in my relationship. It's not a trivial thing to say, look outside the group. But I find it horrible to think that you could face your twenties, thirties, not knowing what a happy relationship is firsthand. It's not good to be lonely, and the Disney Princess stuff is bad enough without the upshot being, "passively wait for the Priesthood holder who doesn't statistically exist."
It's a social problem that appears to be getting worse.