#80599 Alcohol 101

[Shrinky Dink]

In the writer's defense, my sister was a bartender and later on a bar manager, all while being an active member. The restaurant she worked at noticed that when they took the time to train LDS bartenders, less alcohol would be unaccounted for. Us mormons are less likely to drink on the job, which is beneficial to the bar since alcohol can be expensive. I'll fully admit that if I need to, I would definitely learn how to bartend, because there is a bar in basically every single town. I've also had a roommate that was a bartender for a time. Honestly, it can be a marketable skill, plus some virgin drinks actually taste good. I've also heard (total grapevine) that if you're an LDS bartender, it can be extremely easy to get a job in Vegas because they trust us more.

[mic0]

Anonymous' disclaimer at the beginning is funny since they then go on to describe a time they drank alcohol. So, you know, therefore explaining what they can't explain. Not to mention, as Shrinky Dink you have pointed out, there are other ways to know about alcohol without drinking. It is, after all, pretty big in American culture to drink on occasion, so even without becoming a bartender, someone could know a lot. Similarly, you might know the difference between different drinks at Starbucks without drinking coffee. Even the original question asker would probably know more just by asking and observing and googling while with their friends/coworkers.

I was with my family over Christmas and we went to a restaurant where they gave us their specialty margarita -- virgin but still with salt on the rim. Me, my husband, my dad, and my brother all knew why there was salt, even though my dad and brother are active Mormons. My brother's wife kind of knew there was supposed to be salt on margaritas but wasn't sure why. My mom was completely confused. It was an interesting learning moment!

some virgin drinks actually taste good

Haha, well yeah, the point of the mixed drinks in the first place is to be tasty because, as our Anonymous writer says, liquor generally does not taste good by itself.

[Portia]

I think that straight liquor, like, say whiskey, is definitely an acquired taste. And I'm so over the "super sweet so you don't notice how drunk you're getting phase." #almost27 #farewellyouth

"I know what beer is" has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read in a question.

[Portia]

Also, I am arguably a caffeine addict and I have no idea what the heck 3/4 of Starbucks' menu is even talking about. That ain't coffee.

[mic0]

That ain't coffee.

Haha! Well, you know what I mean, coffee-like-drinks. Where's that xkcd comic about connoisseurs...

[Whistler]

speaking of which, I had a latte? at Kneaders without any coffee. It was so gross.

[mic0]

Isn't that just flavored milk then? Do you like plain milk normally? I've never liked steamers (which is flavored hot milk).

[TheBlackSheep]

Yeah, having a latte without espresso is like having a virgin martini... It's impossible. All you get is steamed milk/olives.

And mico, really? TBR bought a great little espresso machine and we've not had plain coffee since. I love that little milk steamer, though I suppose I've never had steamed milk straight, and I hate flavors in coffee beverages. I just don't understand putting that syrup stuff in. If you don't like coffee, don't drink coffee. Then again, I have largely the same attitude toward alcohol, so maybe I'm just a snob.

Overall, I really liked this answer. A+ work, anonymous writer. When I stopped going to church, I wished someone had written an idiot's guide to booze and coffee as I was a complete novice in both. I learned to drink by mixing a lot of strong vodka and a bit of juice or flavored water when I was sad and alone. (Don't follow my example, obviously.) I was so clueless about coffee that when I had my first coffee date with someone I wanted to impress I ordered espresso, black, because it was the only thing on the menu that I was 100% sure I could pronounce. (For you coffee virgins out there, that was a BIG mistake.)

I'd just like to encourage the writer in question to not be so afraid. So you drank; big deal. You've obviously squared it with yourself now. Keeping your identity secret and writing in an apologetic tone just communicates that there is something worth keeping secret which communicates shame. Haters gonna hate, and all that. It's nothing you'd do now (not that I'd judge you if it were), and if people are going to retroactively judge you, let em.

Some other things that Mormons need to know about drinking (in my opinion):
1. One drink does not immediately intoxicate someone. This is especially true about most beer, wine, champagne, etc.
2. There is a range of effects from one drink up to however many. Not all parts of the brain are effected at the same rate.
3. That thing that happens in movies where someone has one drink and then they're walking in crazy zigzags and barfing everywhere? Yeeeeeah. I've never, ever been that drunk despite having a couple of nights with missing time and a lot of alcohol (again, I don't encourage this). I've ... rarely? never? ... seen someone that drunk.
4. It's a little insulting if you allow someone to have some wine or champagne to celebrate a holiday but ask them to not get drunk. Okay, it's a lot insulting. Drinking does not equal being an inconsiderate monster. And again, getting "drunk" like a lot of Mormons think of as drunk takes... tenacity. Especially on something like champagne.
5. Mocktail parties are fun and all, but just... If you're going to invite anyone who knows anything about drinking, make sure that the "virgin" drinks you are serving are possible. You can totally have virgin margaritas and bloody marys, but drinks like martinis or champagne are impossible to make a real virgin version of, and virgin drinks like sangrias would be just a tiny bit of fruit juice. Make up your own mixed drinks with weird names. Otherwise you will be teased for your naivete. I know that sounds snobbish. I wouldn't tease you, but I certainly got teased for this mistake back in the day, and I deserved it.
6. Certain well-meaning drinking rules can actually encourage more drinking. For example, my parents bought TBR and I two bottles of sparkling wine for Christmas day 2013, but they asked that none of it be left in the house when kids arrived that afternoon. TBR and I would usually have had one glass each, but we ended up drinking a bottle each. (Still not drunk, folks, but a litte more buzzed than we would have gone for on our own.)

I was also never into fruity mixed drinks that tried to pretend they aren't alcohol. Since I started drinking at age 22, I always did tequila shots without chasers and drank straight bourbon on rocks. I want to stress that I have never been a problem drinker. It's not like I got crazy drunk every weekend (like I said, I have missing time on just a few nights, and I wish that had not have happened) or like I drink every day or even every week. Not all (or most) drinking is problem drinking.

And? If you've never had beer before and someone hands you anything with the words "Budweiser" or "Coors" on it, just say no. Beer and its compadres can be wonderful, but terrible beer can ruin you for a while.

[TheBlackSheep]

Okay, I know a lot of that was repetitive, but I was just so shocked when a couple of my friends took me out for my 22nd birthday, and I had exactly one froufrou drink with peach schnapps in it and I didn't feel a damn thing. I was absolutely bewildered. It took a few more tries on a few more days with increasingly strong alcohol before I even understood what being buzzed was.

[Amity]

I found this to be a good guide for Mormons trying to navigate the bar scene: http://bycommonconsent.com/2008/08/19/h ... -in-a-bar/. The comments have a lot of good advice, too.

And a bonus story! When I was in grad school I made my peace with the occasional outing to a bar because that's where all my grad school friends socialized. One time a few of us went to a girl's night out at a liquor bar, meaning they didn't have any of the sodas I usually order at a regular bar. I was clueless on what to get, so I asked the bartender, "I don't drink. What would you recommend for me?"

"Oh!" says the bartender. "I think you'd enjoy a Moscow Mule." And he goes on his merry way making one. I had no clue what was in the bottles he was messing around with, but fortunately my friend stepped in before the bartender dumped a bunch of vodka in. Apparently when I told the bartender I didn't drink, he interpreted it as I'm only an occasional drinker and needed a lightweight drink.

[mic0]

That was a good succinct article! I especially liked this:

"Think of it as the cultural hall versus the chapel."

And:

"For good measure, I sometimes say I’m the designated driver. (I always am at least my own designated driver, driving my feet to the train or bus). This sometimes will get you a free drink. I have no qualms about getting free drinks in this scenario. You will have to examine your own morals and see where this one falls. You could pray about it."

Also, your story is funny! You prooobably would've noticed. Good catch by your friend, though.

[Portia]

My metabolism and Celtic ancestry reinforces every ridiculous Mormon stereotype about drinking. New Year's Eve 2013, I had one mixed drink on an empty stomach at Zest, and I was stumbling, giggling, ridiculous person the whole night. A single beer definitely gives me a buzz. When I was a novice drinker I definitely threw up once or twice, and that was from no more than two. (I don't know if I've ever topped three.)

I probably have had my "problem drinking" phases if you define that by drinking to self-medicate anxiety instead of treating the underlying issue. (Although I don't think I'm an alcoholic, as I can go months teetotal.) I don't use drinking as an excuse to be promiscuous or vulgar or whatever Mormons think sorority girls do, I guess? Both my brother and I have been diagnosed as being highly anxious people and we both drink not to "black out" or whatever (this is a Midwestern-type trend I find upsetting and to be a public health problem), but to well, take the edge off as they say. I think I'm a lot more "normal" after, say, a glass of wine if it's a tense situation. I don't know; a family dispute has left me thinking that there are better things to shut out your family over.

But yeah, I find the "real world" attitude that "it's just a beer" or whatever to be tough, if you have a low tolerance.

Caffeine is much more addictive and more of a "high" for me than booze (I literally don't think I could give it up unless forced). /shrug

[Emiliana]

I think that straight liquor, like, say whiskey, is definitely an acquired taste. And I'm so over the "super sweet so you don't notice how drunk you're getting phase." #almost27 #farewellyouth

Yeah, it sounded to me like Anonymous hadn't drank enough (or enough of the right things) to acquire the taste. A good Scotch is delicious if you've built up to it, but a nasty whiskey is nasty no matter what.

It also sounded like Anonymous mostly drank in situations where the goal was to get drunk, rather than drinking being just part of what was going on. She said vodka is most often drunk as a shot, but I've actually far more often seen it in mixed drinks because when mixed properly it doesn't overpower the other tastes. I drink semi-often, but I have never done a shot and have only been in a couple of situations where anyone else was doing shots, either. She (he?) also didn't mention wine, which definitely can get you drunk, but is more often sipped on throughout the evening.

[mic0]

It also sounded like Anonymous mostly drank in situations where the goal was to get drunk, rather than drinking being just part of what was going on.

Yeah, this was something I had to learn as I became comfortable with drinking because I was under the false impression that there was no point to drinking if not to get drunk. For most people the goal is not to get drunk, it is just for relaxing. Also I definitely agree with your assessment of how drinking normally goes in social situations.