So maybe this is the privilege of the young and naive, but having gotten older has really opened my eyes to how much we mortals can face both acute and chronic conditions.
My mom died of a freak cancer, and I'm sure that the abrasive personality and short temper I inherited from her would give a man more pause than something that is less likely to off me than, say, a shark. In Central Park. During a supervolcano eruption. I think that by taking some common sense steps (not drinking to the point of cirrhosis, say, and watching my weight) I would be able to have a low chance of any cancers at all and live a long life.
On the other hand, my S.O.'s father is currently battling a much more heritable disease. It's scary, and I will indeed be a stressed-out basket-case if 20, 30, 40 years down the line he gets it, much less it killing him. I would be heartbroken. But all I can do is support him and encourage him to make the decisions now (like seeing a specific kind of specialist) to ward off the disease.
It seems almost O. Henryesque to miss out on love due to fear about the future. Cancer is not the same as, say, A.L.S., but as I found out from The Theory of Everything, sometimes it's the person with the chronic illness who divorces you!
(I'd rather know than not, and I think most ethicists would agree.)
illness in an S.O.
Moderator: Marduk
Re: illness in an S.O.
(Not to say I'm immune to these concerns. A guy I was obsessed with took one of those quizzes to predict how long he'd live. I was like, if your life choices mean you're likely going to drop dead in your early 60s, I don't know, man. I think I'd prefer someone health-conscious with known, but manageable, risks than someone who blew it off with vague but likely health risks.)
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TheBlackSheep
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Re: illness in an S.O.
I learned that there is indeed an end to my self-sacrifice when I dated a lovely girl, three years my junior, who was doomed to die of a slow, painful, progressive, terrible, dehumanizing disease that I had never heard of before. Her mother had killed herself rather than see things through to the end; that's how bad it is. She told me early, and I didn't break up with her (then, anyway, or for that reason), but holy cow, how do you face that? I was ready to try and other things ended the relationship, but man.
Re: illness in an S.O.
That's really hard, for you and for her. I'm sorry.TheBlackSheep wrote:I learned that there is indeed an end to my self-sacrifice when I dated a lovely girl, three years my junior, who was doomed to die of a slow, painful, progressive, terrible, dehumanizing disease that I had never heard of before. Her mother had killed herself rather than see things through to the end; that's how bad it is. She told me early, and I didn't break up with her (then, anyway, or for that reason), but holy cow, how do you face that? I was ready to try and other things ended the relationship, but man.