#82508 -- friendly guy who doesn't get the girl

[Cindy]

Re: Question #82508

I like Vienna's and Zedability's answers to this question. However, I think there's likely something else going on here besides girls just wanting the emotionally unattainable guy. One good possibility is that the friendly guy is too slow to express a romantic interest in the girls he's interested in, so he's unintentionally friendzoning himself. If I attempt to flirt with a guy, and in response he acts friendly but never asks me out or otherwise treats me differently than all his other friends, I'll get the impression that he's just interested in being friends. Pretty soon, probably as a subconscious emotional defense, I'll emotionally switch from potential-dating-interest mode into friendship mode. And if he then finally gets around to asking me out three or six months later, I can't really switch back emotionally, so he's stuck in the friendzone without realizing that he put himself there. Meanwhile the emotionally closed-off guy is keeping enough of an distance that girls aren't sure whether he might be interested in them romantically or not, so they keep flirting with him to see what happens, and the possibility of romance stays open longer.

That's just my guess, but I've seen the pattern enough times to think it's quite possible here.

[Portia]

I'd have to see pictures to see how much better-looking Mr. Keep His Distance is. (Occam's Dating Razor.)

[The Happy Medium]

The asker said that his friend doesn't open up because his family treated emotions as being girly, but I'm surprised he didn't think that could be a reason he has trouble dating. It's a sad fact of our society but men who open up to women are usually seen as being kind of gay. I could see girls feeling like they could talk to him about anything but not being attracted to him if his body language or tone was in any way effeminate.

[Imogen]

And see, I was thinking how sad for his friend that he has a lot of dates. It doesn't sound like he's had a real relationship with anyone, whereas the question asker will probably end up with a real and meaningful relationship in the future instead of just perpetual dates.

[mic0]

Agree with Imogen; not sure "going on lots of dates yet not being able to make a meaningful emotional connection" is the most enviable thing.