Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

I've been in my ward for two years, and each year for Mother's Day they've handed out a single carnation to all the women. I think this is the lamest thing ever, because a) I have no use for a flower, and b) we're all forced to carry our flowers around during the block and they end up bent in half, or, if you're in Primary, completely destroyed by toddlers. My stance is this: if you love someone, say it with baked goods.

I'll be bringing this up in ward council, so I want your input on a few things.

1. Are cookies a good idea, or do you think that creates too many problems with diabetics and people with food allergies? Or is it the thought that counts, like with the flowers? In my Provo ward the bishop's wife baked us all a selection of three cookies for Mother's Day, and it was wonderful.

2. If you're single or childless, are you personally weirded out when the ward forces Mother's Day gifts on you? Every ward I've ever been in has done this, even to the Young Women. I get that from a logistical standpoint you kind of have to give a gift to all the women or risk offending infertile women or outing pregnant women who are semi-mothers, but in my experience it's always awkward.

3. Typically they hand out Mother's Day gifts at the end of sacrament meeting by making all the women stand, essentially detaining them until they've been given a gift. Maybe they think it's a good idea to honor us publicly, or logistically it's just easier to corner the womenfolk when we're all still in the chapel. Is there another way? Could they come into RS, Primary, and YW at the start of third hour and deliver the gifts then? Like, the gifts could go around in a basket and if you want to be recognized as a mother, feel free to take one?

4. Like I said, I like the idea of cookies. But that means baking several hundred cookies, and I know what will happen if the men in my ward are in charge - they'll end up having their wives do it, which totally defeats the purpose of a Mother's Day gift. Is it too much to basically say hey, your past gifts have been kinda meh, I insist you kick it up a notch, and I suggest you delegate among the priesthood auxiliaries to get these cookies baked? I get that it's the height of rudeness to demand a gift from anybody when you aren't technically owed one, and then insist on things being done a certain way, but I'm tired of politely accepting the same blah gift every year, even if it is a nice gesture. Am I out of line? Or should I just bake them all myself for the greater good?

Help me out here. I can't decide if I'm taking this too far or if everyone secretly feels the same way I do and would rejoice if I piped up and said something.

Other wards in our building (at home) hand out chocolate bars. That's always a winner. Like, fancy chocolate bars. Every year my mom gets her geranium and sighs and wishes she were in the other ward where they really know how to show their appreciation (with, if not baked goods, at least something sweet).

And I'm in a singles ward and I'm pretty sure they gave us all roses last year.

1. I can't have sugar very often because it gives me migraines, but I'd still rather be given a cookie or a chocolate bar than a flower or pamphlet*, even if I end up throwing the cookie/chocolate bar away.

*This actually happened, once.

2. The wards I've attended have given gifts to all adult women (but not YW). I think it's much better than only giving gifts to women who have children, but the real problem isn't the awkwardness of giving childless women gifts on Mother's Day, it's that LDS culture doesn't value single/childless women, and Mother's Day highlights that divide.

3. I agree that Sacrament Meeting is probably the most efficient place to hand out gifts, but I feel like I've seen people come by during the 3rd hour to make sure no one was left out earlier.

4. I agree with C that chocolate bars are the way to go.

I think our ward did chocolate bars last year, and as part of the YM fundraiser they sold us pizza and chocolate-dipped strawberries. In my last ward we got CDs. There's always going to be someone who doesn't like change or cookies. If you know that some of the YM in your ward love baking cookies you might be able to go that route, but it's probably easier to buy something? But then if it's expensive it's hard to justify the expense. Also I think Mother's day gifts should include single and childless women.

I think they usually give gifts after sacrament meeting to include people who might go home right after sacrament meeting, but I like your idea of giving them out in a way that it's easier to refuse the gift if it's unwanted.

Katya, if you're just going to throw the gift away, why does it matter what it is?

Marduk wrote:Katya, if you're just going to throw the gift away, why does it matter what it is?

1) I might not throw it away if I haven't had much sugar lately.

2) It's the thought that counts? And I think that chocolate is an inherently better gift, under the circumstances.

My home ward would give out these little packs of three Lindor truffles.

Also, for Father's Day they'd give out Dad's Cookies. Ha.

Men don't bake cookies? What kind of twisted universe is this? Even the non-chef dudes I know can whip up a batch of chocolate chip. Ugh all my fears about marriage UNLEASH

I like Zed's home ward tradition. Mother's Day is more awkward because of the no-mother thing than the childfree thing, and I hate it on principle. So another thing where it's impossible to please most people without offending someone. (I just try to avoid it rather than insisting other women not join in the fun. And it's -- the sentimental, YAY MOTHERS AND THEIR PERFECT FAMILIES ON FACEBOOK -- definitely a secular Thing, too. Unlike, I don't know, Easter which you could argue has the whole non-religious-friendly candy+springtime renewal angle, which I suppose is still problematic for people with allergies to candy or pollen or Germanic goddesses.)

Katya wrote:the real problem isn't the awkwardness of giving childless women gifts on Mother's Day, it's that LDS culture doesn't value single/childless women, and Mother's Day highlights that divide.

+1

I'm allergic to Germanic goddesses. The issue doesn't get nearly the attention it deserves.

Zedability wrote:I'm allergic to Germanic goddesses. The issue doesn't get nearly the attention it deserves.

Portia wrote:Mother's Day is more awkward because of the no-mother thing than the childfree thing, and I hate it on principle.

Yeah, I quit going to church on Mother's Day lonnnnnng before I quit going to church in general.

.....That's really all I have to contribute to this conversation. Since I don't go to church on Mother's day.

Emiliana wrote:

Portia wrote:Mother's Day is more awkward because of the no-mother thing than the childfree thing, and I hate it on principle.

Yeah, I quit going to church on Mother's Day lonnnnnng before I quit going to church in general.

.....That's really all I have to contribute to this conversation. Since I don't go to church on Mother's day.

Um yeah, is there a way for it NOT to be an unmitigated gongshow? I don't know how it was in your Church, but the untrammeled sentimentality is like an extra-salty knife in the wound.

Last year all the speakers forgot it was Mother's Day, so they just kind of shoehorned in "And my mom is a great example of whatever my topic is" and then went on with their talks as normal. It was great. I hope it happens again this year.

Also, we haven't sung "O My Father" in three years and that makes me glad. There are probably people that love that it talks about Heavenly Mother but I am not one of those people. (I mean, I do like the doctrine. But the cost of having to sing the song itself is too high.) This year we are singing "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" and "Sing Praise to Him" for Mother's Day, which gives me a lot of satisfaction.

(We are singing "Love at Home" for the choir number, but only because I heard it at a concert and thought it was a nice new adaptation. Not as tired as the original.)

Someone is actually doing a survey about Mother's Day gifts in LDS wards: http://leadinglds.com/whats-the-best-mo ... gift-idea/

The best way I've ever seen of actually handing out the gifts was when they had them all set up at a table at the back of the chapel and they invited all the women to go and choose a flower. That way you could go or not go and no one was awkwardly forcing you to take a gift you didn't want.

They had chocolate and flowers outside of sacrament after the meeting, and they made it so you could easily choose to pick up a flower/chocolate bar if you wanted, or not, BUT the flowers they had were the ones that come in a black, square, plastic pot, with little holes in the bottom so they can easily be watered/replanted whatever. I don't think too many people took a flower.