BQ#: 47044 - Support During Abortions

wired · Post by **wired** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 9:24 am

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=47044

I am really interested to hear people's thoughts on this one. I think it should be acknowledged up front that this is one of the many thousands of situations that are in a grey area and there is no clear cut right or wrong answer.

(Preface: I am not passing judgment on this girl - I don't know her circumstances. But I will give my thoughts in a general manner. The general manner which I will comment on assumes a person who willfully had sex and who's life is not at risk due to the pregnancy.)

As for my own personal opinion, I think I side with Claudio. If this were an issue of supporting her now that she is pregnant, throwing her a shower, or something along those lines, I think it's a no-brainer: love the sinner, hate the sin. However, I think this is different in the fact that you are providing emotional support in order to assist this person participating in an absolutely abhorrent act. These are two very different situations: supporting one who has made a mistake or supporting one to make a mistake.

Nanti-SARRMM · Post by **Nanti-SARRMM** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 9:55 am

I think it all depends on the reasons for why the friend wants to have an abortion and the circumstances regarding the pregnancy. Just going off what the reader told us, I think I favor going with the friend, not as support for her decision, but at least to be there to comfort her, maybe staying in the parking lot as sign of me supporting what she is doing, but being there at least to show my love for her.

As you said Wired, there is no clear and cut answer, and this question is hard to answer as there are no details given as to why the friend wants to have an abortion, what the friend may have been going through, the circumstances of the pregnancy, if an abortion is the answer received through prayer. So just based off that, I think my above answer will suffice.

Wisteria · Post by **Wisteria** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:31 am

Unless my friend had been raped and become pregnant, I don't think I could show that level of support. I agree with Claudio. I could hold her while she cried and listen to her talk about how hard it was, but going along to the abortion clinic seems too much like giving the act my stamp of approval.

chillygator · Post by **chillygator** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 1:20 pm

This question made me really sad. I'm adopted, and have quite a few friends that can't have kids and are hoping to adopt. I sort of wanted to take this girl's friend and have her meet the people I know who would love to have a baby and can't. She could even go meet my birth-mom who was amazing enough to face up to her parents and tell them she was pregnant and even more amazing enough to give me to my parents. I would most certainly come with my friend to talk to her parents or her bishop, but I don't know what I'd do about accompanying her to the clinic.

jooniper · Post by **jooniper** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 2:07 pm

I would WANT to show that level of support, but I don't think I have it in me. I don't think I could support a friend going through with that decision. I only hope the situation never arises.

Post by **bobtheenchantedone** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:43 pm

I back up dear Chilly. Whenever people talk about stuff like this, my mother always points out that adoption is an option, and that many people overlook it.

orb360 · Post by **orb360** » Sat Aug 23, 2008 7:32 pm

I don't believe in abortion.

Family should help out if able. Even if you don't care for the person or their decisions, you can't condemn the child and should help for the child's sake.

And even if your family won't support you, if you can't support the kid yourself, adoption is a viable option.

Nanti-SARRMM · Post by **Nanti-SARRMM** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:05 am

So, I guess I am the black sheep for having sided a little with Claudio?

Truthfully, driving her to the clinic is what I want to do. I am just unsure if I would actually do it or not, since a thought came to my mind that if it were my sister doing the calling, I wouldn't even consider accompanying her and would sooner drive her home or somewhere where she could think about it more.

yellow m&m · Post by **yellow m&m** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:17 am

If I knew this friend well, and knew her reasons behind it, especially if she wasn't LDS, I might go with her.

If not, I would ask her to think and pray about it, and consider other options.

I'm against abortion, and if the only reason she's going to do it is if I'm there, then I wouldn't want to be there. However, if she has other reasons, relevent reasons, and she's going to do it no matter what, I'd be there to hold her hand. I'd want to help her through this.

orb360 · Post by **orb360** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:39 am

There are extenuating circumstances though....

If having the child would kill the mother... Then I'm not sure where you would draw the line.

chillygator · Post by **chillygator** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:49 am

orb360 wrote:There are extenuating circumstances though....

If having the child would kill the mother... Then I'm not sure where you would draw the line.

Then why would her parents not be going with her? Or...someone that isn't just a friend.

Imogen · Post by **Imogen** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 6:03 am

chillygator wrote:
orb360 wrote:There are extenuating circumstances though....

If having the child would kill the mother... Then I'm not sure where you would draw the line.
Then why would her parents not be going with her? Or...someone that isn't just a friend.

a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.

i'm pro-choice, so i would go with my friend, hold her hand, and be there for her. it's not a choice i would personally make, but it's not my place to tell someone else not to. no one really knows what circumstances cause a person to choose abortion. there are so many factors. and it's not a decision people take lightly. i take with nanti saying he'd make his sister go think about it more. that's not your place. people think about it plenty before making that choice. it's not like picking a pair of shoes. it's a very invasive procedure. and painful. and terrifying. and can cause a lot of guilt and shame.

but after that, i'd make my friend get on birth control. period. the best way to make sure people do not choose abortion is to make sure they're not getting pregnant in the first place. and, again, since it's not my place to make sure she's not having sex, i would at least make sure she was protecting herself.

TheAnswerIs42 · Post by **TheAnswerIs42** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 7:17 am

I don't have anything extra to say, but I want to put in my vote for supporting her in ways other than going. It makes sense for Imogen to want to go if werf is pro-choice, but since I am against abortion I think it makes sense for me to stay home. I think that when she talks about it being hard to go, that can be a good opportunity to talk about why it is tough- it is emotionally hard to kill a baby like that. (In addition to the fact that anything your OB-GYN does is seriously not cool.) That would be a good segway for the adoption talk, since I also know a lot of really wonderful couples who would just love to have that baby. I would try and be there for her in every way I could, and tell her that I love her no matter what she decides, but I can't support her decision itself.

Of course, all of this is easier to say when I am not in the actual situation.

Giovanni Schwartz · Post by **Giovanni Schwartz** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:34 pm

TheAnswerIs42 wrote:(In addition to the fact that anything your OB-GYN does is seriously not cool.)

One time my dentist told me that she had a medical friend that claimed that OB-GYN stands for "Oh Boy-Got Ya Naked!".

Post by **bobtheenchantedone** » Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:39 pm

Imogen wrote:a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.

Which is silly. I am certainly against abortion for the reason of not wanting the baby, but I know that it needs to be legal so those whose life or health is in danger, or were raped, will be able to have an abortion.

I say abortion must be legal, but should also be preceded by paperwork, counseling, and the like.

Katya · Post by **Katya** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 7:31 am

Imogen wrote:a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.

Do you personally know anyone who takes that stance? I always hear about such people, but never seem to meet any . . .

crmeatball · Post by **crmeatball** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:10 am

When dealing with abortion, one must be very careful not to support the abortion in any way. The General Handbook states: "Church members who submit to, perform, encourage, pay for, or arrange for an abortion may be subject to Church discipline." Depending on the level of support given, the person may be subject to Church discipline. That said, the friend who is pregnant needs support. Nameless needs to do everything to support her best friend, but be very clear she does not encourage or support the abortion.

Imogen · Post by **Imogen** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:39 am

Katya wrote:
Imogen wrote:a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.
Do you personally know anyone who takes that stance? I always hear about such people, but never seem to meet any . . .

actually i do. i'm not close to them. we do theater together here in texas. but these people (it's a mother/daughter team) are CRAZY. i can't stand them. and not just because they're anti-choice.

Katya · Post by **Katya** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:45 am

Imogen wrote:
Katya wrote:
Imogen wrote:a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.
Do you personally know anyone who takes that stance? I always hear about such people, but never seem to meet any . . .
actually i do. i'm not close to them. we do theater together here in texas. but these people (it's a mother/daughter team) are CRAZY. i can't stand them. and not just because they're anti-choice.

Ah, you're in Texas. I didn't catch that. Yeah, you'd find some crazy conservatives down there.

wired · Post by **wired** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:20 am

Imogen wrote:
Katya wrote:
Imogen wrote:a lot of people don't support abortion for any reason, even if the girl was raped or the mother could die if she had the child. if her parents are those types that might be why they're not going.
Do you personally know anyone who takes that stance? I always hear about such people, but never seem to meet any . . .
actually i do. i'm not close to them. we do theater together here in texas. but these people (it's a mother/daughter team) are CRAZY. i can't stand them. and not just because they're anti-choice.

Ah. Strawman arguments. If I am against abortion, I am against choice. What if I am against suicide, am I anti-choice? Or how about euthanasia? Anti-choice. Against people allowing to kill whoever they want? Anti-choice.

That is like me saying people for abortion are anti-life. How do you like that label?

Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

BQ#: 47044 - Support During Abortions

BQ#: 47044 - Support During Abortions

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