Girl who isn't thrilled to be pregnant

[TheAnswerIs42]

And Tao - I think a lot of that would also be true of marriage. That can also give you "someone to wake up for, to go to work/school for" etc.

[Dragon Lady]

Another reason kids are great: They make you relook at the world, to see how amazing it is, and you get to bask in the wonder that is a child learning. Like we've realized so many things we do without thinking we take for granted. Watching Dragon Baby learn to turn over made us stop and re-think what muscles we use to roll over and why learning to do so could be hard. And watching her learn to say words and do things brings a thrill that is unmatchable.

Oh, and child laughter is the BEST medicine. A tickle-fest when she can barely breathe for laughing can make any bad day better.

[thebigcheese]

Hmm...see, those are experiences that I've never really had before. Part of the problem may reside in the fact that I've actually spent very little time around kids. Therefore, I have absolutely no idea what to do with them. I still haven't figured out how to hold a baby properly. And even when I do try to entertain them, most kids seem to get bored of me quickly. I'm child retarded.

[Dead Cat]

I know this probably isn't going to help anyone, but I've found babies to be a good method of getting older youngsters to calm down. My brothers in the past have had tendencies to pick on each other during church. One Sunday, I deliberately asked the mother in front of us if we could hold her baby. When I passed the baby to my brother to hold, he went from whiny kid to responsible kid almost instantly. Babies have magic powers on people, especially kids. And grandmas.

[Tim the Monkey]

This is so interesting to me. (I hope this doesn't sound insensitive.) This is one of those instances which I can see logically what all of you feel, but it's totally foreign to me to feel that way. I still think you're all good people, for the record.

I'm with wired on this one; couldn't have said it better myself.

I guess it's just one of the hazards of being human that people go through experiences that are completely different from yours; this discussion has opened my eyes to a whole new perspective!

I, personally, find myself in some comparable "unique" situations, so I'd like to ask...(and I really, really don't want to sound insensitive or accusatory...I'm just ignorant of how this specific situation feels) ...For those of you that face these trials about not being "thrilled" with pregnancy, do you have any suggestions for those of us on the other side of the fence, as to how we can be more sensitive to your needs/wants in this regard?

Enough women here seem to share similar feelings that such must be more wide-spread than is commonly assumed. I would hate to inadvertently say something hurtful/demeaning simply because I am only aware of my own situation...but I can see how it might come up often in, say, Relief Society lessons...Do you think a teacher should try to point out "exceptions" like yours? Would you rather be left to your own devices and stick up for yourself if you felt it necessary? What would you like to see happen?

[krebscout]

I've been watching this topic with great interest. I think I have a lot I'd like to say. But in the meantime, I was reminded of writing this once: http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/55397/

[Dragon Lady]

Hmm...see, those are experiences that I've never really had before. Part of the problem may reside in the fact that I've actually spent very little time around kids. Therefore, I have absolutely no idea what to do with them. I still haven't figured out how to hold a baby properly. And even when I do try to entertain them, most kids seem to get bored of me quickly. I'm child retarded.

Come play sometime. If you really wanna see cute and giggly, I recommend just before bedtime. That's when her defense mechanisms kick in. "If I'm cute enough, maybe they won't put me to bed!" Though we can usually pull it off in the middle of the day, too.

[Katya]

I normally hate people who tell God what to do . . .

I do this all the time. (It doesn't usually work out the way I want, though.)

[Dragon Lady]

I normally hate people who tell God what to do . . .

I do this all the time. (I doesn't usually work out the way I want, though.)

Heh. I once did that while dating Yellow. I was praying before bed and just out of habit asked God if dating Yellow was right and if not, to let me know, cuz otherwise I'd keep dating him. And suddenly I got a VERY strong feeling that I should break up with him. Like, it was so shocking that I threw myself backwards and ended up in a crab pose. I had NOT seen that coming, at all. Things were going so fantastically! So I told God that He was wrong and that I saw no reason to stop dating Yellow. (Bold of me, I know.)

Two days later I broke up with Yellow due to circumstances that came to light almost immediately after that prayer. Needless to say, I had a bit of humbling and repenting to do. (But don't worry, folks, it worked out in the end.)

Ummm… </off topic>

[Katya]

I normally hate people who tell God what to do . . .

I do this all the time. (I doesn't usually work out the way I want, though.)

Heh. I once did that while dating Yellow. I was praying before bed and just out of habit asked God if dating Yellow was right and if not, to let me know, cuz otherwise I'd keep dating him. And suddenly I got a VERY strong feeling that I should break up with him. Like, it was so shocking that I threw myself backwards and ended up in a crab pose. I had NOT seen that coming, at all. Things were going so fantastically! So I told God that He was wrong and that I saw no reason to stop dating Yellow. (Bold of me, I know.)

Two days later I broke up with Yellow due to circumstances that came to light almost immediately after that prayer. Needless to say, I had a bit of humbling and repenting to do. (But don't worry, folks, it worked out in the end.)

Ummm… </off topic>

I don't usually get what I want, but I often get reassurance that what I am getting will work out better for me, or at least reassurance that I'm being heard.

[TheAnswerIs42]

For those of you that face these trials about not being "thrilled" with pregnancy, do you have any suggestions for those of us on the other side of the fence, as to how we can be more sensitive to your needs/wants in this regard?

I gave this one some thought, and I'm not really sure it's a big deal. Or, at least, it isn't to me. I don't usually get offended easily. I had a really long answer written out, but I realized they were stories that boiled down to "in-laws that don't take into account anyone could see things differently than they do." I have a couple of in-laws who firmly believe in having as many children as your body can produce, and while they have mostly been good about not pestering us, they are the only ones who have ever gotten me upset.

Lots of people will ask when we are having another kid, but honestly I've never had a person who wasn't kind and attentive when I said "probably never". So long as you don't start quoting ancient General Authority quotes on how birth control is of the devil, you're fine. I don't think it is something that needs to be changed in lessons at church, because I've never seen a teacher not take into account that some women don't get married, or don't have many kids, etc. And I like listening to the stories of women who adore their kids more than life itself. I wish I could be like that, and I'll take all the positive role models I can in that regard. As long as no one judges me for not being given that instinct, you're good.

I was trying to think about this from the viewpoint of the original question, but without talking to her I think it would just be guesswork. The main key is just something that is good for every conversation with every person - actually listening to the other person, and not shoving your ideas down their throat. It sounds like people upset her when they tried to "fix" the problem (by shoving their children in her face), and nobody likes to be "fixed". Especially women, in my experience. We just need someone to listen and tell us that they support us, offer help only if requested, and tell them that they are a good person. Sorta like what Sky Bones did .

And by the way, Katya, when I read that, it came out as though I hate you (since you told God what to do). Ouch. I meant, I think it is a bad idea to tell God what to do. I think we can all agree that it never actually works, since He's smarter than us, and all that. I don't hate people, in general. But I'm guessing you probably knew that.

[Katya]

And by the way, Katya, when I read that, it came out as though I hate you (since you told God what to do). Ouch. I meant, I think it is a bad idea to tell God what to do. I think we can all agree that it never actually works, since He's smarter than us, and all that. I don't hate people, in general. But I'm guessing you probably knew that.

Nah, I didn't read it that way. But my life experience has led me to be a lot less . . . compliant, I guess you might say, than many Mormons are. I turn down callings, I disagree with Church leaders, I get really mad at God and tell him off, and I don't think that being a good person means being miserable. And I feel like it's important to speak up in favor of a more cranky brand of Mormonism, from time to time.

[thebigcheese]

For those of you that face these trials about not being "thrilled" with pregnancy, do you have any suggestions for those of us on the other side of the fence, as to how we can be more sensitive to your needs/wants in this regard?

Yeah, I've been thinking about this too, and I'm not sure that I have any suggestions for you. I don't have a problem with the Relief Society lessons on parenting. I'm not offended by them. But I probably would be offended if someone came up to me and said, "You need to start having kids RIGHT NOW because you are disobedient and a SINNER!"

So...like many other situations in the church, be tactful and avoid passing judgment on people. That's about it, really.

Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children.

I like the fact that they include the "mental health of the mother and father" on the list of considerations. Anyway, it's open to interpretation, so take it for what you will.

[wired]

If seriousness and civility could individually be placed on separate -10 to 10 scales, and you then multiplied the rating of each of those for each thread, this thread would produce the highest product.

[Whistler]

agreed. This was a good discussion because I feel like I can understand where other people are coming from, and I can anticipate how I might feel in the future when I have children.

[thebigcheese]

I like listening to the stories of women who adore their kids more than life itself. I wish I could be like that, and I'll take all the positive role models I can in that regard. As long as no one judges me for not being given that instinct, you're good.

I wish I could be like that too -- it sure would make things a lot easier. Whenever people talk about all the warm fuzzy characteristics that women are born with, I think it's all bogus. Nurturing instinct? Naturally more gentle? Born with a yearning to make babies? Maybe some women have it, but not me. I've never felt that way, not once in my entire life.

Actually, I tend to be jealous of domestic women in general. You actually enjoy cooking for your husband? You actually enjoy playing with babies? You actually enjoy making all those cutesy crafts? It's hard for me to grasp that sometimes. I mean, I don't really enjoy anything domestic. So if there's anything I don't like about Relief Society, it's the activities. Don't get me wrong, I love associating with the sisters. But they could seriously pick some better activities for those who aren't into making pillows...

[Marduk]

If seriousness and civility could individually be placed on separate -10 to 10 scales, and you then multiplied the rating of each of those for each thread, this thread would produce the highest product.

But could theoretically be beat by a very silly, very un-civil thread?

[Katya]

If seriousness and civility could individually be placed on separate -10 to 10 scales, and you then multiplied the rating of each of those for each thread, this thread would produce the highest product.

But could theoretically be beat by a very silly, very un-civil thread?

[Dragon Lady]

If seriousness and civility could individually be placed on separate -10 to 10 scales, and you then multiplied the rating of each of those for each thread, this thread would produce the highest product.

But could theoretically be beat by a very silly, very un-civil thread?

I think this thread just dropped in score.

[Katya]

I think this thread just dropped in score.

But only in silliness, not in civility!