Happy Days in Random Chatter 10

[Digit]

This article reminds me of what author Malcolm Gladwell said in his book Outliers about the problem with copilots in South Korean airlines not doing anything when pilots are clearly out of it by exhaustion because it's not (in their heads) OK to stand up to someone higher on the hierarchy. For a while, South Korean airplane crashes were much higher statistically than any other airline.

Japan's parliament blames the Fukushima nuclear crisis on the nation's culture, including "reflexive obedience" and a "reluctance to question authority."

Though not entirely surprising to me, calling the disaster "Man made" seems like a bit of a stretch to me. There was a huge tsunami, and at some point, even a perfectly oiled machine can't stand up to a mountain of pounding water.

[Portia]

My high school crush's younger brother bears a strong, strong resemblance to Jake Gyllenhaal. And he works right down the street. It may be time for me to take up slow jogging, eh?

[Unit of Energy]

Sometimes I see pictures of my facebook friends and I just wish I had a reason to actually be their friend in real life. They are people that I've met and mean a lot to me, but life circumstances seem to preclude a more lasting relationship with them.

[C is for]

Sometimes I see pictures of my facebook friends and I just wish I had a reason to actually be their friend in real life. They are people that I've met and mean a lot to me, but life circumstances seem to preclude a more lasting relationship with them.

I do that.

[yayfulness]

It happens to me all the time, too, with old friends or people I just never got to know particularly well. Not to mention just about everybody I knew on my mission.

[Unit of Energy]

A month after you found out a friend is engaged is long enough before you accidentally tell a mutual friend, right?

[Marduk]

I might do that, Unit, C is for, and yayful, but I tend to unfriend people once whatever unifying event in our lives has dissipated. So the number of facebook friends I have that I don't see on a regular basis, aren't family, (and aren't on here) are actually almost nil.

[Fredjikrang]

UoE. Personally, if they didn't tell you to not tell someone, I have see no reason to worry about it at all.

[Unit of Energy]

I'm not too worried, I mean the friend I told is out of state and the wedding is in two weeks, he'd find out eventually. Mostly I was just weirded out that he didn't know.

[UffishThought]

The bad news: It's been almost 2 months since the break, and although I've no longer got a crush on every guy at the same time, I seem to NEED to have a crush on at least one guy at all times. When there are no viable romantic options, I get antsy and uncomfortable. I'm not sure if this is another side effect of the breakup, or if it's just normal for me. But I'm pretty sure I sound like a preteen girl lately. Boys! Tee hee!

The good news: The latest crush accepted my friend request on facebook. And has a beard. And sometimes wears a bow tie. And likes at least one of the tv shows I do. And seems to be a good mix of nerdy and funny and good natured.

The issue: Am I just rebounding, or am I genuinely interested? And does it really matter? Just because I would really like to be dating someone doesn't mean it would be a bad idea. Of course, there's the larger issue too: if he's not interested, this is all irrelevant.

Also, I got some serious deja vu while writing this. Format, dilemma, everything. But I couldn't find where I'd written this before, so maybe I just thought about it. Taking a small step back, I wonder why I always want to talk about these things with people--both friends who know me well and impartial strangers. I think I worry I'm too close to the situation to see clearly, and I want to make sure that I'm acting appropriately. And also I hope that maybe I'm not alone in my silly worries and habits.

[Portia]

No, Uffish, you are not alone. I started this draft at 3:24 (!) two nights ago.

I am wide awake, knowing that I get to see The Guy every single day for the next month. My heart is racing, I have no appetite, I'm so excited for tomorrow to just be here.

Considering my first impression of him was, and I quote, "an extremely awkward, nerdy, very tall and very, very skinny kid," I am impressed at how much of a turnaround my feelings have taken.

A Dude with whom I had great chemistry (but hated) re-appeared out of nowhere in my life. But my heart wasn't in it. As the tears (silently, beautifully) fell down my cheeks, he said "wow, this really must be serious to turn me down ... I think he could make you really happy if he ever gets a clue."

After I'd stayed up all night, I had an extremely vivid dream wherein, in short, he said he loved me (not to mention had a clear complexion). It seemed to make me a lot less anxious.

And , his people are well-off, but he doesn't act like a rich kid. His wardrobe seems to consist primarily of EFY shirts and Aéropostale shorts. In fact, I think he thinks of me on a higher social rung than him in some ways, that I am a "genius" (not to mention unnecessarily idealizing my personality as "you're so nice!").

Being in love, without a selfish ulterior motive, is a pretty unusual state for me. I knew from our first long, serious conversation in September that he wanted to "reform" me ... I think he has succeeded, weirdly.

"why didn't he say anything and just silently eat his pie?" My thoughts before the world's most awkward first date invitation. Never thought Is be having a Love Epiphany nearly a year later. When of course he is just about to leave. Augh!

[bobtheenchantedone]

Uffish, it does sound a like you may be trying to rebound. With that in mind, I suggest two courses of action. One, absolutely do not get into dating until you're sure you're interested in the specific guy, not just that you want to be in a relationship with whoever is available. Jumping back in before you're ready can cause a lot of heartache for you, and hurt him as well if you're too hung up on the past to appreciate what's in front of you. Two, realize that you frantically crushing on one boy after another is likely your body and mind trying to distract you from any pain or doubt or whatever you are still experiencing due to your breakup. Take some time by yourself to really think about how you're feeling and where you are in getting over your past relationship. Trying to avoid working through it will only make it worse in the long run.

[Portia]

I think the movie Looper has exceeded the second law of thermodynamics by having just too much hotness in it. (Joseph Gordon-Leavitt AND Emily Blunt?) Does anyone else not buy Bruce Willis as the future Mr. G-L?

[UffishThought]

Rebuttal (and while I'm countering your thoughts, please know I'm still appreciative. It helps me think through things a little.):

Even when I've been single for quite a while, I always have SOMEONE I'm interested in, and if there are no viable options, I revert to a fallback crush (even if it's Ryan the Mountain Man who I haven't had contact with in years and who it would never work out with). In my natural state, I am fairly boy-crazy. I'm confused because I'm not sure if I'm back to business as normal, or if I'm still slightly crazier than usual. If I JUST wanted a rebound, I've got a couple options who would be there for me in a heartbeat. But my post-breakup neediness has calmed down enough that I don't want just anyone--I want someone who would actually be a good fit in a normal way. Also, I like relationships and I want to be in them--that's never not going to be a factor. As such, I am never "sure" that my interest is completely unbiased.

As for my breakup, I don't know how much that's still a factor, either. It was a long relationship, but I'm the one that called it off, so I had time to adjust to the idea and I also had several very convincing reasons to end things. I still think he's a good guy, and sometimes I miss having someone around to cuddle with, but I don't regret my decision, and I don't doubt that I did the right thing for both of us. I also bounce back embarrassingly fast. My biggest regret is actually that I don't get to hang out with his awesome family anymore. So while I admit the possibility that I'm still slightly off-kilter, I don't believe that it would prevent me from seeing the good in someone else. I know a new relationship can't match up to a more developed one, and that's fine. I'm not looking for perfection right away. I just met someone cool, and I'd like to get to know him better, and if he keeps being cool, I'd like to continue getting to know him while also kissing him.

Long story short, you bring up good points, but I don't know that I'm off balance enough that dating someone would be too damaging for either of us. And it might be a good thing. So if I'm given the chance, I'll take it.

And anyway, I really don't know this guy well, and for all I know, he doesn't have any interest at all in me. So this whole mental exercise may well be moot. Somehow, in my excitement over finding things I liked about him and interests we have in common, I failed to even recognize the possibility of him not liking me back. I guess I should brace myself. Blerg.

Good novel, huh? I'm a little embarrassed I stuck this here, in the first place. Ah well.

[Portia]

I like your novels, Uffish. I say go for it. You broke up, you weren't widowed: I don't think there has to be some arbitrary time between dating. If Bowtie Guy isn't as interested, worst-case scenario, you feel a little dumb and find someone else.

After pondering and slurpee-drinking and leaving my signature overlong voicemails, I'm leaning towards the conclusion that The Guy is, in fact, a Manic Mormon Pixie Dream Guy straight out of Screenwriting 101. I flew home from the West Coast due to a Family Crisis (yes, it's the central conflict of Elizabethtown AND Garden State), and needed to reconnect with Who I Truly Am. Enter the MMPDG: he has no discernible career beyond horticulture and writing story ideas in a notebook! He is skinny and good-looking but not threateningly so! He teaches me to "embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures"!

This kind of eternally bubbly and optimistic and trusting sort always wants to reform brooding cynics like myself. Seriously, slap a ukulele on him and you've basically got a male Zooey Deschanel. So they drag us along on their quirky adventures with (quite literally) a pitch-perfect soundtrack, because there's always a lot of singing with an MMPDG, which when you're Mormon, involve lots of pumpkin carving, frisbee, musical theater: wholesome things, of course. Will the sarcastic worldly character LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN?

But pretty fundamental to this trope is the "breezing out of the protagonist's life at the end" bit. The mania is unsustainable, and the quirky one has to go off to seek new adventures (and more people to reform/convert, if you're Mormon).

What happens in the meantime?
A) What I might want - the cynic and the dream guy make out a lot to a Sundance Festival-worthy playlist and look back fondly on their magical summer. They remain fundamentally who they were, and the cynic is a little more trusting and the dream guy is a little more experienced, but they go their separate ways.
B) What he might want - the relationship remains chaste and wacky and they end up together in a cookie cutter Eternal Marriage of Foreverness.
C) What probably happens - neither person fully gets what they want, both feel hurt, the cynic feels like a project and the dream guy doesn't understand the girl's lust, and everything is terrible.

[yayfulness]

You all (and some other people) are reminding me why I ought to be happy that I'm single, with no interests and nobody interested in me. It makes life so much simpler.

In other news, when waking up at 7 qualifies as sleeping in, you know that something is seriously screwed up.

[Unit of Energy]

You all (and some other people) are reminding me why I ought to be happy that I'm single, with no interests and nobody interested in me. It makes life so much simpler.

In other news, when waking up at 7 qualifies as sleeping in, you know that something is seriously screwed up.

Isn't it just great when you know you ought to feel one way, but you don't.

And I remember when 7 was sleeping in. I kind of miss those days. But only a little bit.

[UffishThought]

Katya:

One of my ward acquaintances is friends with your brother, and I get really excited whenever he's in a new photo album your brother took. He's so dang good! And then I go look through his blog to admire all his other stuff. If I were super rich, I would hire him to follow me around and make my life look beautiful all the time. I think "awesome" must run in your family.

[bobtheenchantedone]

*shrug* Eh, I knew it was a risk giving advice when I know basically nothing about you, but you have to admit that without knowing details the info you gave sounds a lot like rebounding. To be honest, I still think there might be more underneath the fact that you always have someone you're crushing on (actually, that it's been a constant for years makes me wonder even more) but if you feel comfortable with it than why fight it?

[Katya]

Katya:

One of my ward acquaintances is friends with your brother, and I get really excited whenever he's in a new photo album your brother took. He's so dang good! And then I go look through his blog to admire all his other stuff. If I were super rich, I would hire him to follow me around and make my life look beautiful all the time. I think "awesome" must run in your family.

Oh, who's your acquaintance? And the funny thing about me and my brother is that we're interested in such different things. Like, I don't even own a camera. But I'll pass along the compliment!