#soapbox. Boooo. Boo boo boo. Possessive and controlling alert.
I think it's this exact attitude that freaks me out about getting married. I am very, very independent and I can't even imagine how angry and hurt I'd be if I felt that a man was trying to keep me in a box and away from mixed-gender dancing.
I know every couple needs to reach their own agreement about this, but seriously, I think he's way out of line. In my defense, I'd be sad if a guy gave up his passions because of me, and I guess it's good that I tend to be attracted to more independent guys.
Not only possessive, but incorrect use of the possessive. Well, it's not my fiance (thankfully), so good luck to her.
shall we dance
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Re: shall we dance
I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
Re: shall we dance
I don't know, it sets off a little alarm in my head. I wonder if it's more common for women to feel they have to sacrifice personal interests for a relationship. A board question about abuse in relationships mentioned a concern with her appearance and which people she could talk to as red flags.bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.
Re: shall we dance
If a person is completely unfamiliar with the dynamics of ballroom dancing (or similar activities), I can see why they'd be worried, but I agree that it's also not good for the fiancée to feel pressured to give up her interests.bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.
Incidentally, I once had a recently married friend who had to kiss a man in a play, and her husband expressed some discomfort with it. Finally, she offered to give him a stage kiss so that he would understand the difference. His response: "That was like kissing a fish." And he never said another word about it.
Re: shall we dance
John Bytheway has a rather funny monologue about stage kisses - "that doesn't count. You haven't had your first kiss yet. It's like,... a favor!"Katya wrote:If a person is completely unfamiliar with the dynamics of ballroom dancing (or similar activities), I can see why they'd be worried, but I agree that it's also not good for the fiancée to feel pressured to give up her interests.bobtheenchantedone wrote:I can give the guy the benefit of the doubt - he's just insecure - but he does need to realize that that is a little possessive and untrusting of him. It's something that can be worked through.
Incidentally, I once had a recently married friend who had to kiss a man in a play, and her husband expressed some discomfort with it. Finally, she offered to give him a stage kiss so that he would understand the difference. His response: "That was like kissing a fish." And he never said another word about it.
Re: shall we dance
It's probably his first fiance, so I give him the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't be the least bit upset if my wife was simply jealous enough to ask the 100 hour board about a situation like this. It would be a different matter entirely if she demanded that I quit and refused to listen to my side of the issue.
Re: shall we dance
First fiancés are just trial runs. I would know better than anyone, perhaps.