engagement parties

[Portia]

Well, I'll admit, I was the one who asked this question. I thought it was a tad harsh. Engagement parties are very standard outside Utah and Mormonism.

I'm certainly not going to be engaged for only three months, and I don't have a mom or female friends to throw me a bridal shower. >.< Since my friends are guys or adults, it seemed like a good idea.

Well I'll throw my own darn party and do it the way I want so nyah nyah :P

[Emiliana]

I've only been to one engagement party. It's not my thing, but if you want it go for it. You're the bride!

[Whistler]

maybe we could throw you a co-ed bridal shower if/when you get engaged

[mic0]

I don't really understand the hate in those answers, either. The people who throw engagement parties are often the type of people who like to have parties in general. And when people throw both an engagement party AND the other ones, I don't think gifts are expected everywhere.

[Concorde]

Dude throw an awesome engagement party and rub it in my bitter face. I'm still getting over the atrocious behavior of my old bridezilla roommate and it has made me such a cynic about weddings in general. She was odious. Beyond odious.

And where I'm from, I was the only Mormon girl and straight out of high school dozens of these white trash girls got engaged to these horrible guys (most of them abusive) and threw this lavish series of engagement parties all trying to top one another and get gifts even though they weren't actually getting married for several years.

I'm a terribly jaded, cynical person so don't mind me.

[Marduk]

It is probably just that most Mormons have wedding overload and burnout. Weddings are a lot less common in Utah/Mormonism, and so we've kinda streamlined the process.

[yayfulness]

I legitimately had never heard of them before. Hence the youtube clip.

[Portia]

Dude throw an awesome engagement party and rub it in my bitter face. I'm still getting over the atrocious behavior of my old bridezilla roommate and it has made me such a cynic about weddings in general. She was odious. Beyond odious.

And where I'm from, I was the only Mormon girl and straight out of high school dozens of these white trash girls got engaged to these horrible guys (most of them abusive) and threw this lavish series of engagement parties all trying to top one another and get gifts even though they weren't actually getting married for several years.

I'm a terribly jaded, cynical person so don't mind me.

This was awesome, in a Schadenfreude type way. ;)

[Concorde]

Dude throw an awesome engagement party and rub it in my bitter face. I'm still getting over the atrocious behavior of my old bridezilla roommate and it has made me such a cynic about weddings in general. She was odious. Beyond odious.

And where I'm from, I was the only Mormon girl and straight out of high school dozens of these white trash girls got engaged to these horrible guys (most of them abusive) and threw this lavish series of engagement parties all trying to top one another and get gifts even though they weren't actually getting married for several years.

I'm a terribly jaded, cynical person so don't mind me.

This was awesome, in a Schadenfreude type way.

That's literally like the story of my life.

[Portia]

I'm bored, Concorde. Tell me about your bridezilla roommate.

[Concorde]

Ugh, where to begin? This is more of a rant, because I'm still not over it. Also it's long because I started writing and I was like "I need to get this ish out of my system, might as well do it here."

First of all, this girl was the epitome of spoiled. Her father was very rich and her family lived in a very safe, upper class area. She went to a very nice high school, was a cheerleader and had everything given to her. She was also a Molly Mormon. She had honestly never been in a situation that was much of a temptation to her. She'd never dated in high school (never kissed anyone, held hands, gone to parties, etc) and had everything given to her.

She was my roommate Freshman year and it was frustrating for me because she came from very, very upper-class family and great neighborhood. She came from a predominantly Mormon community in California and I'm from a really, really crappy city and I fought tooth and nail for everything in a really awful school and community. I was the only Mormon and I'd had a really hard of time it. I was so jealous (and I admittedly still am, but that's my fault) because she just didn't understand my background and where I came from. I had to work three part time jobs to stay at school and this girl was given a 600 dollar allowance every month by her parents, and they took care of all her living and school expenses.

Sophomore year came and I ended up rooming with her again. Throughout Freshman year, she had been even more anti-social than I was due to my schedule. She had literally (and I mean literally) not made friends with anyone besides me and one of our other roommates. She hadn't dated. Sophomore year she was asked on her first date ever by this passive guy who was friends with the third aforementioned roommate and she decided that since she hadn't dated in the past, he was her only chance at happiness (she was constantly going on about how unhappy she was, when she had had everything handed to her and she was convinced that marriage solved all ills). She was trying to get him to commit to marriage after three weeks and everything was about this guy. Since she didn't have to work, she was always on our couch, waiting for him. She stopped talking and associating with everyone but him because suddenly he was her raison d'etre. She made no bones about the fact that she had come to college just to get married and that friends were nowhere near as important as this guy. She was so desperate about this guy-- so desperate to just get the ring on her finger and assure everyone that she was normal and a grown up and a good little Mormon girl all at the same time. He was the first one that came along and she just forced the relationship out of fear that she wasn't going to get another chance. Marriage was her end-all goal and she dropped me like a rock. She'd always been moody and pampered and when he wasn't around, she was insufferable. I got kind of moody about it myself because at the time I was really head over heels for this football player, but timing wasn't on our side and it ended really badly and she wasn't kind about it.

I was super crushed about it, and I was the only single person in my apartment of pampered, almost-engaged girls. I started hearing them snickering about how anti-social I was, and how I was never home and not happy for them and selfish, when the reality was that I was taking 18 credits and working my usual three part time jobs and I hated coming home every evening to find that the living room had been taken over by three sets of smooching couples. They were saying it was my fault I was single because I never went out (in truth, these girls were no different than me, my roommate had just gotten lucky and the other two had lowered their standards so much and were the type that was never, ever single because they didn't know how to be single). In short, I was lonely and jealous, but then the engagement actually happened for this girl and she became insufferable. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, as well as our other roommate, her sister and some of her friends from home. She had eight bridesmaids and told us that it was our job to plan the wedding, essentially. She gave us tons of tasks while sitting on the couch, bemoaning how busy and stressed out she was. As soon as she had the rock, she switched her major from one that would give her many career options to a total blow-off major that was easy and had no career options, because, as she said: "I'll never have to work anymore, so now that I'm engaged I can just enjoy myself." She insisted her fiance buy her a 2500$ ring and still thought it wasn't worthy of her: "I expect a certain type of lifestyle and I expect him to give me that."

Her parents flew her all over the place looking for a dress and made this huge fuss about what her bridesmaids were wearing. Her colors were bright purple and bright yellow and I honestly couldn't think of any other color pairing besides blue and orange that were uglier. She made a big show of paying for all of the bridesmaid dresses after I told her confidentially that I couldn't afford the dress and shoes she had picked out. It turned out that she scheduled her wedding the night I was returning from a study abroad so I couldn't actually be in her wedding so she hadn't even needed to buy the dress. The study abroad conflict infuriated her even though it couldn't be helped, because she had made this big, self-righteous show about giving up her planned study abroad to get married ("Getting married will get me into the celestial kingdom, not a study abroad") and she hated me for getting to go on one, even though I had been saving for it since I'd started working at 16, and I was paying for the whole thing myself.

Her planning just got more and more extravagant and she threw an engagement part (to which I dutifully brought a very nice, thoughtful gift) and then she threw a bridal shower for herself (which she told me she expected a gift for as well) and then got upset when my roommate and I went in a useful, cute gift and didn't get her expensive lingerie instead. What irks me is that over 7 months later I still haven't heard a thank you from her for either of the gifts. No card, no verbal thank you-- nada. She was just so self-absorbed and just so unaware of everyone around her.

Because of issues with our housing contracts, it was arranged that I would move into her room for the remainder of the summer upon my return and I had arranged with her ahead of time to leave her parking pass and key in a specific spot. She assured me she had done it after several reminders, but on the night of her wedding when I returned from Europe jet lagged and cranky, I returned to an empty, locked apartment and no parking pass, and a car that had been towed. And of course she was off in a hotel room with her husband. It was the middle of summer so all my friends were gone and I had nowhere to go and I walked several miles in the middle of the night, carrying all my luggage, to Orem after I'd gotten in touch with her mother and begged her to leave the key outside of their house for me to come get. She was rather snotty and unhappy and even after begging her to consider bringing it to me, she refused because she was "so exhausted after the wedding. It's a shame you had to miss it." So you can imagine the frustration that built when I spent 1 AM to 4 AM trekking alone in the darkness with about a hundred pounds of luggage after not having slept for 36 hours to get a key that was supposed to have been left for me. The bride was completely unapologetic.

Her parents paid for the wedding and the honeymoon and they made this whole big deal about how she was getting married after barely turning twenty, just like her mom and how it was so cute and everyone cooed over her and stuff and let me tell you, I was (and am) so bitter about it. Now every couple of weeks she posts some sappy FB status about her and her husband and how happy she is, interspersed with complaints and whining status updates about how her parents finally cut her off because she got married. She thinks her parents should still be buying her new clothes at the start of the school year, even though she's married. She was also so upset that she had to get a job, but quickly turned it around into this whole "Look at how grown up and mature I am- married with a part time job serving ice cream!" debacle. She did other stuff to me as well that just made me really bitter towards her, but that's a whole 'nother story.

That felt really therapeutic. Maybe now I can finally put an end to my pity party and just get over it....

Tl;DR: My roommate was spoiled rotten and only interested in attaching herself to the nearest possible guy while screwing me over at every possible opportunity.

[Portia]

Wow. What a story. She reminds me of a Fitzgerald heroine. "Tell 'em Daisy don' wanna get married no more!"

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured. I've known a lot of over-privileged people, and few were this incompetent and needy. To have everything handed to her on a silver platter, to be raised by such self-involved, obnoxious parents, to have so few role models or aspirations besides young bride: it raises some interesting questions about models of femininity (and the whole MRS degree phenomenon in general).

I mean, clearly you have a good head on your shoulders, and are adept at problem-solving, being self-sufficient, and have good social skills. Despite her obvious screwing-you-over-ness (perhaps you do need to become more confrontational), I think that clearly you got the better deal in life. As Fitzgerald showed us, spoiled rich brats can never really stay happy, and don't develop the emotional wherewithal to carve a better path.

The key situation, especially, makes a rather piquant vignette. You should have taken a cab and demand she reimburse you. Or slept in the laundry room, which I've done. And she should have reimbursed your towing fees as well.

I guarantee in ten years she'll either be divorced or in quiet desperation, and you'll be successful and happy and useful, so your vindication will come.

[Tally M.]

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured.

So you're a believer in affluenza?

[Portia]

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured.

So you're a believer in affluenza?

Ugh. That story was so gross. I don't know. She hasn't murdered/hit-and-run anyone ... yet. (But, again, cf. Gatsby.)

[Giovanni Schwartz]

"with a part time job serving ice cream!"

I got two things out of this story:

1) I love drama that I don't care about (Sorry it sucked for you though).
2) I really want some ice cream. So I will eat some. Because it is Arizona and not that cold.

[Katya]

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured. I've known a lot of over-privileged people, and few were this incompetent and needy. To have everything handed to her on a silver platter, to be raised by such self-involved, obnoxious parents, to have so few role models or aspirations besides young bride: it raises some interesting questions about models of femininity (and the whole MRS degree phenomenon in general).

I mean, clearly you have a good head on your shoulders, and are adept at problem-solving, being self-sufficient, and have good social skills. Despite her obvious screwing-you-over-ness (perhaps you do need to become more confrontational), I think that clearly you got the better deal in life. . . .

I guarantee in ten years she'll either be divorced or in quiet desperation, and you'll be successful and happy and useful, so your vindication will come.

I agree that Concorde has the better end of this deal (both now and in the future), but I don't agree that the terrible roommate should be absolved of her misdeeds simply because she had a spoiled upbringing. There are plenty of people who grow up in privileged circumstances of one kind or another who still manage to develop empathy for others.

[Portia]

I don't think that she should be absolved. However, at this point in her life, can she/will she change? Was there a point in the saga that Concorde should have done something differently?

[Concorde]

Wow. What a story. She reminds me of a Fitzgerald heroine. "Tell 'em Daisy don' wanna get married no more!"

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured. I've known a lot of over-privileged people, and few were this incompetent and needy. To have everything handed to her on a silver platter, to be raised by such self-involved, obnoxious parents, to have so few role models or aspirations besides young bride: it raises some interesting questions about models of femininity (and the whole MRS degree phenomenon in general).

I mean, clearly you have a good head on your shoulders, and are adept at problem-solving, being self-sufficient, and have good social skills. Despite her obvious screwing-you-over-ness (perhaps you do need to become more confrontational), I think that clearly you got the better deal in life. As Fitzgerald showed us, spoiled rich brats can never really stay happy, and don't develop the emotional wherewithal to carve a better path.

The key situation, especially, makes a rather piquant vignette. You should have taken a cab and demand she reimburse you. Or slept in the laundry room, which I've done. And she should have reimbursed your towing fees as well.

I guarantee in ten years she'll either be divorced or in quiet desperation, and you'll be successful and happy and useful, so your vindication will come.

I should have called a cab (does Provo even have cabs?) but it was like 1 AM, frontrunner had just stopped running and I had nowhere to go. My apartment complex has laundry rooms in each separate apartment so there wasn't a laundry room for me to camp out in. I did hint at her reimbursing my towing fees since it was her fault. I don't remember why she ended up not helping me out, but she never reimbursed the costs.

I wish I could believe the latter, but I don't think it will ever happen. I've given up on all concepts of karma/vindication/come uppance/what have you. I don't think she can or will ever change and I think her life will go on just being peachy keen. She married a passive guy who was quite taken with her. Mormon culture parades the girls raised to be young brides and celebrates them so I doubt she'll ever hit a negative moment on that front. In my home ward, marriage was all that a girl was expected to achieve and young women's was completely tailored solely to how to be a good stay at home mom.

I did need to be way more confrontational than I was, but my parents are both extremely aggressive and confrontational people and I grew up and found that I was uncomfortable with confrontation (although definitely not all the time) after seeing them blow up over the smallest things.

Being self-absorbed is her crime, but being bitter and cynical is my crime. There's no justice in the world and it drives me batty and makes me bitter about everything.

[Portia]

Wow. What a story. She reminds me of a Fitzgerald heroine. "Tell 'em Daisy don' wanna get married no more!"

I think, ultimately, she is more to be pitied than censured. I've known a lot of over-privileged people, and few were this incompetent and needy. To have everything handed to her on a silver platter, to be raised by such self-involved, obnoxious parents, to have so few role models or aspirations besides young bride: it raises some interesting questions about models of femininity (and the whole MRS degree phenomenon in general).

I mean, clearly you have a good head on your shoulders, and are adept at problem-solving, being self-sufficient, and have good social skills. Despite her obvious screwing-you-over-ness (perhaps you do need to become more confrontational), I think that clearly you got the better deal in life. As Fitzgerald showed us, spoiled rich brats can never really stay happy, and don't develop the emotional wherewithal to carve a better path.

The key situation, especially, makes a rather piquant vignette. You should have taken a cab and demand she reimburse you. Or slept in the laundry room, which I've done. And she should have reimbursed your towing fees as well.

I guarantee in ten years she'll either be divorced or in quiet desperation, and you'll be successful and happy and useful, so your vindication will come.

I should have called a cab (does Provo even have cabs?) but it was like 1 AM, frontrunner had just stopped running and I had nowhere to go. My apartment complex has laundry rooms in each separate apartment so there wasn't a laundry room for me to camp out in. I did hint at her reimbursing my towing fees since it was her fault. I don't remember why she ended up not helping me out, but she never reimbursed the costs.

I wish I could believe the latter, but I don't think it will ever happen. I've given up on all concepts of karma/vindication/come uppance/what have you. I don't think she can or will ever change and I think her life will go on just being peachy keen. She married a passive guy who was quite taken with her. Mormon culture parades the girls raised to be young brides and celebrates them so I doubt she'll ever hit a negative moment on that front. In my home ward, marriage was all that a girl was expected to achieve and young women's was completely tailored solely to how to be a good stay at home mom.

I did need to be way more confrontational than I was, but my parents are both extremely aggressive and confrontational people and I grew up and found that I was uncomfortable with confrontation (although definitely not all the time) after seeing them blow up over the smallest things.

Being self-absorbed is her crime, but being bitter and cynical is my crime. There's no justice in the world and it drives me batty and makes me bitter about everything. :P

:D We sound a lot alike. If I know where you studied abroad ... you chose well, young padawan.

[Concorde]

I studied abroad in Paris. Good times, good times.

Unless I marry rich sometime soon or land a really nice job straight outta college, it's the last traveling I'll ever do for a long, long time.