#57692 Dear Bobless,

[C is for]

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Dear Friend (you know who you are),

I thought of a personal anecdote that may or may not be helpful. I once had a boyfriend who had a sister who had a boyfriend that was just great. He was amazing. They broke up every few months in the years I knew them. They eventually got back together and are now happily married, but that's not what I want you to focus on. I want to talk to you about how they coped.

They didn't mope, or obsess over it. Of course they were sad. (I mostly know how the sister reacted, but they probably were similar.) They kept busy! They worked, they hung out with friends, they picked up new hobbies. Probably watched some new TV that they hadn't had time to watch before.

So that's my advice. Be attractively busy. Fill your time with other things until you don't even miss the time you spent with him. (You can still miss him, though. I just don't recommend spending all your time waiting for him to come back.) These are the kind of things that make any woman attractive, to anybody.

Hermia's advice was great too. I just thought I'd ... slip in those two bits. Probably nothing you haven't heard before but it always bears repeating.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

You can do it, Bobless! I have faith in you, and I'm positive it's all for the best!

[bobless]

Thanks for your support. This has been a real struggle.

I know now that this is the Spirit talking to me. I had an experience last year with a guy, and I know what it feels like when the Spirit says 'Get over him'. This is completely different. It's still hard though.

I'm trying not to mope. I'm trying to get out and be more social, but it's also hard when I think "he should be here with me", and my mom keeps saying I should go out and ask other guys out.

I just miss him a lot. I don't know when he'll be back, and that's hard. But he will be back. Like Hermia said, God cannot lie.

[ahem.]

I don't know when he'll be back, and that's hard. But he will be back. Like Hermia said, God cannot lie.

All things will happen in due time according to God's plan. And not a moment before.

God's time table for when things should happen is often completely different than what I want or expect. For me, that's the hardest part of faithful living.

[C is for]

I'm trying not to mope. I'm trying to get out and be more social, but it's also hard when I think "he should be here with me", and my mom keeps saying I should go out and ask other guys out.

I'm going to say something you probably won't like, and you'll say, "Ugh, she's so mean!" and I kind of am, but this is what I think:

He should not be there with you. You broke up for a reason (unless you're doubting his ability to receive revelation) and I think whatever that reason is you should accept that, no matter what the future may hold, you should not be together at this time. You should be there with yourself! Or other guys!* Or your friends!

I know this is hard. But I absolutely believe what I am telling you. I don't know how you can do it (I've been out of the whole relationship thing for so long I can't remember my own tactics) but you've got to train yourself to stop thinking those thoughts.

Think about how much you hate me, instead.

*Yes, ask them out. Dates aren't an indication of a desire toward relationship, after all. Thank goodness.

[bobtheenchantedone]

You broke up for a reason...

I want to add to this something that many people forget, which is: breakups rarely happen out of the blue. No matter how good you felt about this, it's likely he'd been thinking about breaking up for a while.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

Hey, you remember that one time when I was the last post in _every_ forum? I do.

Also, bobless! I have faith in you! You are awesome, and whoever gets you is a very lucky man.

[Marduk]

We would do well, Bobless, to remember a few things about the way revelation works.

First, it can't impinge on our agency. Even the Lord can't guarantee that a specific person will act a certain way, because then that person would be stuck, and could make the Lord a liar if he or she so chose. As we have discussed, the Lord never lies, so he can't really guarantee behavior, since the other thing he also never does is take away agency.

What he can do is make promises contingent upon our righteousness. So what the Lord may be saying is that if you remain faithful, you will eventually be able to be wed. But to wait for the Lord to fulfill a promise in the way WE think he should is never worthwhile.

My advice to you is this: do your best to keep the commandments, and stay in a place where you are worthy to recieve revelation. Then, instead of expecting/waiting a certain man to come back, ask the Lord what He would have you do to put yourself in a position where his promises (whatever they may be to you specifically) can be fulfilled. Lastly, trust that He will take care of things when the time is right, NOT when you think is right.

Take heart. Rather than focus on the one commandment you have been delayed in fulfilling, enjoy obeying the many other commandments you still have the priviledge of having.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

Oh yeah, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but my parents broke up every two weeks before they got engaged. The way that my dad won my mom back was by always having a date for that weekend, as soon as they broke up, and it made her wonder what was so great about him. And so they eventually got married. What does this have to do with you? This: make yourself desirable. Dress cute, be happy, stay social, go on dates, even if you have to ask. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy life. Become the person you want to be, not who you think others want you to be. Like I said, I know you're awesome, and that exactly what is best for you will happen in the end. Most importantly, have faith: that things will work out, that you can be happy, that what's best will happen. We hit speedbumps on this pathway called life, but that's all they are--bumps. They're just like speedbumps on the road. They slow us down, but in the end they're there for our safety.

[bobless]

Thanks to everyone for their advice and encouragement. I've prayed and prayed. And I've received an answer.

Marduk - the whole "the Lord told me this, but what about free agency" has been my biggest problem this whole time. The Lord has told me 'You will marry him'. I heard Him. How this can be, and bob still have his free agency, I'm still working on it. I guess my thought is 'the Lord knows us all good enough that he knows what bob's going to do, so he knows that eventually bob will come back, even if bob doesn't know it himself, yet'. Maybe I'm wrong. But I am being righteous. And I'm following the Spirit. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. But it has made me a stronger person. As for waiting for the Lord to fulfill this is the way I want - I gave up on that weeks ago. Right now I'm trusting the Spirit and little else. I know the Lord does everything in His own time, and usually he doesn't tell us until it's happening. And I am working on enjoying what I do have. Right now I have a lot of family in town, so I'm spending as much time with them as possible. I'm trying to get better at some of my talents. I'm trying not to just sit around and wait for him to come back. But, maybe I am. Maybe I am expecting more of the Lord than I should. Thank you for your advice.

Gio_S - I'm working on it. I'm telling myself that yes, I am awesome. I'm dressing up everyday because hey, why not? I'm still not sure about how I feel about asking guys on dates, but I am trying to become the person I want to be. I'm trying to find the real me. And I am having more faith then I ever thought I could have. It's scary. But, the Lord is guiding me.