I just wanna say...

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I suppose this can be a place for things you "just wanna say".

I just wanna say, that, depending on if the writers play along, I just asked what may become one of my favorite questions I've ever asked.

[Dragon Lady]

I just wanna say that I disapprove of your avatar. It's creepy.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

tHAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY. ] = iT MAKES ME SAD.

yOU CAN SUGGEST ANOTHER ONE FOR ME, IF YOU'D LIKE. i RESERVE THE RIGHT TO APPROVE OR REJECT IT.

[C is for]

I've found all sorts of options for you in my icons folder! I wonder how many I can attach at once...

Eh, it's too difficult. I'll upload them to a separate hosting site and link you to them.

Oh wait! There's one! Trippy.

bellesigh.jpg (11.89 KiB) Viewed 8482 times

Here's one that's not effeminate.

dwbw_tc8.jpg (10 KiB) Viewed 8482 times

...yeah, I give up. They have to be resized but that shouldn't be too difficult. Maybe to make my own life easier I'll ease up on the avatar size restrictions. If that doesn't cause the site to blow up or something. I'll work on that. Later. *is tired*

One more...

srain15.jpg (13.26 KiB) Viewed 8482 times

I also have a pizza one, but aren't these pretty?

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I'm kind of digging the Belle one. Do you have Mulan? Because we all know that I think she's the hottest.

[thebigcheese]

An Avatar avatar? How ironic.

[Gimgimno]

Note: It's a woman Avatar avatar. It's suddenly a little less ironic.

[yellow m&m]

I just wanna say that I'm not digging my life right now. And I'm not looking forward to 50+ more years of this. *sigh*

[NerdGirl]

I just wanna say that I'm not digging my life right now. And I'm not looking forward to 50+ more years of this. *sigh*

: ( This makes me want to hug you and give you chocolate, but you are very far away from me.

[Marduk]

I just wanna say that I'm not digging my life right now. And I'm not looking forward to 50+ more years of this. *sigh*

One of the most wonderful (and sometimes terrible) things about life is that the only constant is change. One of the happiest lessons we can learn is that the only element we have control over in that chaotic life is our attitudes and reactions to it.

Chin up. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Wisteria]

are you doing all right, yellow m&m? That sounds downhearted enough that I feel concerned. Anything we can do for you? You know, through the vapors of the internet?

[Damasta]

It goes without saying.

[vorpal blade]

I've been thinking about your comment, yellow m&m. Can we help you in any way? Sage advice is free (and generally worth it.)

[krebscout]

Hm. If you're anticipating that this is going to last another 50+ years....is this some sort of health issue? Maybe you already mentioned what's going on and I missed it...also you've thought of this already, I'm sure...but have you asked for a blessing yet? I find them to be healing inside just as much as out.

[yellow m&m]

Ok, first off I want to say thanks to everyone who has expressed concern for me. It means a lot to me that you care.

Just to warn you all: this is going to be long. You have been warned.

First off, as some of you know, I am bobless. Second off, I am dealing with depression (I have been since about September of last year. I am currently on medication, but sometimes I really don't know if it's helping or not. But that's a different story.)

So with both of those, I'm going through a hard time. Actually, hard is an understatement. I really find it hard to get through the day. It's really odd, I wake up really energized, having peace, feeling great. That feeling lasts until about noon, maybe a little later. Then, for some strange reason, I can't be happy. Seriously. I try listening to happy music, I try smiling anyway, I try being happy. Never works for me. @Marduk - I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with you. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can't be happy. I'm trying to have a good attitude towards life, but really, from my point of view life sucks. A lot. And that's what I'm not looking forward too. Looking at the past few years life has been really really difficult. In the past 7 years I've had 7 family members die: all of my grandparents, my great-aunt, a niece, and a nephew. My nephew had cancer, went through treatments for a year. My niece was born with defects, and only lived 9 months. Two grandparents and my great-aunt were living with us (my mom was taking care of all of them), and they all died in my house. I've seen a lot of uncertainty in my life: dating (about the only dates I went on I asked), majors (I'm on my 4th and I'm ashamed of it), living situation (I live in my parents basement). And when I look to my future, I see only a lot of heartache, a lot of pain, a lot of tears. Yes, there will be good times. Eventually. Probably. But even the best thing that ever happened to me was taken away. I'm kind of mad at God right now because of this whole situation.

Monday night I received a revelation. Not just a general 'things will work out' feeling, but an actual voice. And it said I'd marry bob. In August. This is really hard for me. Part of me is glad, because it's really what I want. I do love him. But, I keep coming back to 'but he has free will'. And I really don't want to get my hopes up. But then I think about what Hermia said in my answer: God cannot lie. But I'm doubting, so do I just not have enough faith? My thoughts go round in circles a lot. And I get depressed. I'm really trying to just trust God. But like I said earlier, it only lasts until about noon, then my good mood's gone. Yet even when I'm feeling down, I can feel the Spirit say it's going to be okay. It just doesn't help my mood. And I really don't get it. Every night I get so depressed, I look at my life and where I'm (not) going, and think "really? 50+ years? no thank you". I look at every loved one and think "I'm going to watch them die. Unless I die first"

I realize that a lot of this is/could be Satan trying to get me down. Maybe my medication isn't strong enough. I don't know. All I know is that this roller-coaster life is killing me. I'm currently not really suicidal, but I have been there before and I can see myself heading there again. And part of me doesn't care. Part of me really does just want to die, and not have to worry about this [edited] that's life. Part of me does want to live. But right now I really don't know if I have enough faith to keep going.

I think I'm going to go talk to the Bishop Sunday. I've been avoiding talking to him because I'm afraid he's going to say something like 'This isn't revelation, this is your own feelings'. But with all this confirmation of the Spirit, I really think I need to ask him for advice.

I honestly wonder sometimes if I'm going crazy. Because on top of all this, I've lost the desire to eat. And I'm afraid I'm turning anorexic because when I do eat, it always seems like too much, like I should eat less. I find myself thinking "I had breakfast and I had lunch, I better skip dinner" Or "Oh, I'm at such a great weight, better make sure I don't gain it all back".

I'm sorry if this is TMI. But I need advice. I can't keep on living like this. I can't handle this roller-coaster. I'm not strong enough to keep this up. So I'm asking for help. Because if something doesn't change soon, I will end up suicidal. I know it.

[NerdGirl]

I wish I had something to say that would make it all better, but I don't. I can tell you, though, that in the past I've had problems with depression, an eating disorder, and suicidal thoughts, so I know what it's like to feel like you're never going to be happy no matter what you do. It's an awful place to be. If you want someone to talk to in a more "private" way, you are welcome to add me on facebook (click the link I posted in the baby pictures thread) or email me or gchat me at my first name dot my last name at gmail dot com. I have twitter (I think I might already be following you on twtitter!) but I don't know really know how twitter works so I never go on there. But I'm a good listener, and I know we don't know each other super well, but you seem like a really sweet person and I really do care and want you to be okay!

I can tell you what helped me with my own depression, and that was counselling. Lots of counselling. I hear medication is good, too, but I was on anti-depressants for OCD at one point and they made me violently and constantly ill, so I didn't ever try them for my depression. But maybe you should talk to your doctor about the possibility that your medication might not be strong enough or see if a different medication might help you more. About talking to your bishop - at times I had bishops that were helpful, and at times I had bishops who really didn't get it at all. If you talk to your bishop and he doesn't get it and tells you this is all because you're not spiritual enough and that kind of thing, try your best to just ignore that. Some people just don't understand that sometimes these things have organic causes, and sometimes people have really exceptionally hard things in their lives, and it's not always about how spiritual you are. And seriously, if you do want to talk someone to talk to on email or facebook, I would love to talk to you! Or if you want to keep posting on here, I promise to keep reading. And if you would like to hear more about any of my own experiences with depression, I'm happy to share them. I'm also happy to completely shut up about my own experiences, because I know that some people find it helpful to hear about other people's problems and some people find it really unhelpful.

[Marduk]

Ok, I've tried the gentle approach, and it hasn't quite worked. I'm about to tell you some things that are going to be very hard for you to hear. I'm going to be very frank with you, and while I'm not going to be intentionally mean, I'm going to try not to hold back. If you'll honestly listen and try your best to personalize what I have to say, I can promise that things will get better. It will take a while, but things WILL GET BETTER.

First: I sympathize with your struggle against depression. As someone who has struggled with it on and off for the past fifteen years, I know all too well how debilitating it can be. Depression can convince you your accomplishments are meaningless, your setbacks are infinitely worse than they actually are, and convince you that ultimately life itself (or at least yours) is meaningless. I've been through the depression that makes it difficult to even breathe. DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO IN ORDER TO OVERCOME IT. There's no magic cure here. What works for some will not work for others, and the only way to find out what works for you is to try everything. You say you're on medication; good, that's one step. If you feel it isn't working, maybe you need a stronger dose, or a different kind (remember, different medications affect people differently). Try counseling. Neither of these really worked for me; what I do is a combination of religious study and meditation. That's what works for me; try everything you can to find what works for you.

Second: Part of depression is that it makes it seem as if everything terrible in the world is happening to you. This might hurt to hear, but it actually isn't the end of the world. I sympathize with what you are going through, I really do. Most of us here have experienced death in some way or another. It is an inevitable part of life. Most of us have experienced the end of a relationship, some perhaps even in the course of planning a marriage. Again, you may hate me for saying this, but others are going through things just as hard or even harder right now. Your particular trials have been personalized for you, because the Lord knows both that you are capable of handling them, and that you will become a better person by going through them. Remember that He expects you not just to endure them, but to overcome them.

Third: As far as your breakup goes, I'm sorry that this happened, but regardless of whether or not you will end up back together with him, it is necessary that you put yourself into a place where you actually can have a loving relationship, and right now you aren't there. You have to fix yourself before you can be with anyone else in a healthy relationship. It actually sounds like this breakup may have been a blessing, since being in a relationship right now would run a great risk of being co-dependent. As Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Cherish your spiritual burdens because God will converse with you through them and will use you to do his work if you carry them well. "

Lastly, good advice for anyone going through a hard time, and struggling with doubt and self-loathing or depression, is the same advice given to President Hinckley on his mission: forget yourself and go to work. Spend time doing things for others, even (especially, actually) family members. Cook for them. Clean for them. Be of service in every way you can. Go out and contribute service. Get on your knees, pray to the Lord and ask what acts of service he would have you perform, then as you go throughout your day, keep your eyes and ears and heart open to the spirit to see those acts of service. It is old, hackneyed advice, but the more you work, the less Satan is able to tempt you, in this case with these self-defeating thoughts. And always, always remember the primary answers. Pray, go to church, and read your scriptures. These will do wonders to improve your outlook.

Good luck. This is never a pleasant road to go down, nor easy. But with the Lord's help, trust that even this will pass. And as always, feel free to rely on me in whatever way I can help.

Marduk

[yellow m&m]

Marduk - hmmm. I'm not quite sure how to respond, so I'll just dive right in.

first - dealing with depression. I've been seeing a counselor longer than I've been taking medication. I'm trying to figure out what works for me. I'm not sure what all is out there for me to try. But I'm going to try to explore more options.

second - ok, I know that my troubles are nothing compared to some people. In fact, that sometimes makes me feel more depressed, because here I am, complaining, when there are others out there who have it much worse. I know that I'm supposed to be overcoming this. And when I'm in my right mind, I know I can. But when I'm depressed I don't care, I just want it to be over. I'm working on this, really.

third - I KNOW we were supposed to break up. I know I'm supposed to be going through this on my own because if he was here I'd lean on him too much and not become stronger. I know this. I know that I have become stronger. I know that I still have a long way to go. I am trying, when I'm thinking straight. I do want to be ready for a loving relationship. The problem is, I also KNOW we're supposed to get back together. And I'm trying to be stronger for him, so that when he does come back, it doesn't turn into a co-dependent relationship. I just don't know exactly how to do that. which is why I'm asking everyone for advice.

writing that post while depressed might not have been the smartest thing I've ever done. But I know that I need help with this. And apparently a lot of you guys have dealt with depression. I just want advice on how to deal with it. What all works for you? What all have you tried? What can you suggest? I don't want this to ruin my life. I just don't know what to do.

[finp]

What all works for you? What all have you tried? What can you suggest?

I generally try ignoring it, pretending it doesn't exists, and hiding it from my friends and loved ones. That way, nobody but me has to suffer becasue of it. That is probably not the healthiest option out there, but I hate feeling like the one constantly dragging everyone else down and I hate the idea, as you said, of complaining when there are so many others out there with worse trials.

So I hide away in my bedroom to brood/mope/sulk/feel sorry for myself when I'm alone, but when other people are around I try to be involved and excited. And to be honest, even though my strategy is to just fake it and pretend I'm happy, sometimes for a little bit I actually am happy. And those brief glimpses of hapiness give me hope.

[Dragon Lady]

majors (I'm on my 4th and I'm ashamed of it)

I had 12 majors. I am not ashamed of that in the least. 4 is nothing to be ashamed of. I promise. Changing your major now, even if you do it multiple times, is much more preferable than ending up with a degree in something that doesn't make you happy.