Breastfeeding During Class

[Unit of Energy]

I know this is going to sound ignorant and mean, but I'm sorry I just am not comfortable around women breastfeeding. It isn't sexual to me, but it is something I have literally never been around. I had no way to mention this in an answer and actually contribute, I just want to know... am I really the only one who is uncomfortable around women breastfeeding for no other reason than it isn't something I've been around?

I've been around it a lot, as I'm the oldest of seven and my mom only breastfed. And I'm not entirely comfortable with it either. Getting used to something and accepting something do not mean you are comfortable with it.

[FauxRaiden]

A somewhat brash thought just occurred to me.

Why is breastfeeding okay but it's inappropriate for a woman to talk in mixed company about her period, or men to talk about their bowel movements? They're all just as natural as breastfeeding are they not?

[Marduk]

I would suggest it has to do with the necessity of said behavior. There is really nothing to gain from discussing periods with the opposite sex, unless they are medically knowledgeable. Bowel movements are not really appropriate to discuss with someone without medical knowledge either, since there is no necessity. ("Guess how big I just pooped!" Generally seems to be something that imparts little knowledge.)

As for breastfeeding, it is something that is necessary, and so it stands to reason that it be able to be done where it is convenient.

[Yarjka]

As for breastfeeding, it is something that is necessary, and so it stands to reason that it be able to be done where it is convenient.

Speaking of bowel movements, changing a diaper is also something that is necessary, but I would expect the parent to leave the class and change the child's diaper in a different location, rather than quietly change the diaper in the back of the class.

[Carrapicho]

My baby is a very loud gulper who also whines loudly right before feeding and fusses a lot during feeding (and makes weird grunting noises). And then she has to be burped, which is usually astonishingly loud. I've never done formula, so I'm not sure how someone heats that up in a classroom setting. My guess is it is prepared beforehand at home, and manages to stay heated through some sort of insulation. The pumped milk we use at home stays good for a few hours at room temperature.

My son used to gulp--and still does--as if he hasn't had something to drink in days, so I know what you mean. But won't babies make those same noises if they were drinking from a bottle? I guess I just don't realize why bottle feeding would be preferable to breastfeeding if we're talking about the noises a baby makes while eating. Or maybe you're not advocating bottle feeding--maybe you're just saying she should leave the room altogether to feed the baby (it's hard to keep straight who is saying what). Either way, I see your point. I just don't think that it's loud enough to really distract people that much. People breathe loudly, type away on laptops, open wrappers, cough, sneeze, and do a whole bunch of other things that make noise, and yet somehow we can overlook those, right?

[Carrapicho]

Speaking of bowel movements, changing a diaper is also something that is necessary, but I would expect the parent to leave the class and change the child's diaper in a different location, rather than quietly change the diaper in the back of the class.

Somehow I think that's more an issue of smell and sanitation, though. We as adults also relieve ourselves in private but eat in public, right? Yet both are necessary. I don't see why it should be any different for babies.

[Carrapicho]

I know this is going to sound ignorant and mean, but I'm sorry I just am not comfortable around women breastfeeding. It isn't sexual to me, but it is something I have literally never been around. I had no way to mention this in an answer and actually contribute, I just want to know... am I really the only one who is uncomfortable around women breastfeeding for no other reason than it isn't something I've been around?

I've been around it a lot, as I'm the oldest of seven and my mom only breastfed. And I'm not entirely comfortable with it either. Getting used to something and accepting something do not mean you are comfortable with it.

I agree with Unit of Energy. I wouldn't say I was comfortable with it when women did it in the middle of me teaching a missionary discussion, and even when I was breastfeeding my own son, I always went into a private area to do it. Never had the guts to do it in public, even with a cover. It took my husband awhile to feel comfortable watching me breastfeed, too.

My mom used to tell a story about breastfeeding me. My uncle came to town for a while when I was a baby, and he could not understand how I grew so much when I was never fed. He had no idea that when my mom was holding me under the cover she was actually feeding me. He just thought that she was making sure I wouldn't be woken up by the lights on in the room.

I like that. It's possible that women have done it around you already and you just had no idea. I understand that you're not comfortable, though, and that's why I suggest to the OP that she ask the professor, who will decide if she should talk to the class first or not. It's really dependent on if the professor will even allow the baby in the class, really.

[thebigcheese]

Someone mentioned students eating in class as a similar situation...reminds me of a day last semester when I absolutely NEEDED to eat something right then, so I bought a Subway sandwich and brought it to class. Circumstances permitted so that I could stand just outside the classroom, unwrap my big noisy sandwich and eat it without disrupting, and listen to the lecture. Perhaps this is a good option for breastfeeders in some cases?

But really, as long as I don't see the woman's boobs or hear some weird sucking noise, I'm fine with it.

[Carrapicho]

A thought just occurred to me--didn't the OP say the classes are three hours long? I know it depends on the time of day those classes are, but most babies only need to eat every 3-3.5 hours. If I were her, I would try to feed the baby right before class or right after, and then only leave when necessary. That would help eliminate the problem of making people uncomfortable, wouldn't it?

[Carrapicho]

Haha, tbc, looks like we said essentially the same thing. I vote for doing it right before and then again right after class.

[Gimgimno]

I was sort of glad that CPM piped up with his answer. As many have already said, I don't find it awkward because breasts are sexualized--I would find it awkward because of the noise that comes along with feeding babies. It was already mentioned earlier, but some babies gulp, breathe loudly during feeding, fuss during or after--not to mention the sounds that come from the baby actually burping or being patted for several minutes. I also think that as a professor that I would be distracted looking across my classroom and seeing someone feeding (with a cover, obviously, but it's apparent what she's doing), and I would feel terrible asking her to stop or leave the classroom if it was distracting the other students.

So I agree with CPM. It would be better to just feed outside of the classroom, if at all possible.

[krebscout]

Eh, just deal with it. Sometimes there are good alternatives, sometimes there just aren't. Nursing women should not be expected to become pariahs for a year. I can understand that noise in a class can be distracting, and I respect a woman who thoughtfully tries to reduce that distraction, but women sometimes just need to do what they need to do to take care of babies. And they're already self-conscious enough about it. Deal with it.

By the way, maybe some newborns only eat every 3-3.5 hours, but mine nursed every two hours like clockwork until he started solid food.

[NerdGirl]

A somewhat brash thought just occurred to me.

Why is breastfeeding okay but it's inappropriate for a woman to talk in mixed company about her period, or men to talk about their bowel movements? They're all just as natural as breastfeeding are they not?

I think maybe it's the talking about it part. Breastfeeding is one thing, but if the woman started telling stories about her cracked nipples or her milk leaking at unfortunate times while she was doing it, I think that would be just as weird as talking about menstruation or bowel movements.

[Carrapicho]

I was sort of glad that CPM piped up with his answer. As many have already said, I don't find it awkward because breasts are sexualized--I would find it awkward because of the noise that comes along with feeding babies. It was already mentioned earlier, but some babies gulp, breathe loudly during feeding, fuss during or after--not to mention the sounds that come from the baby actually burping or being patted for several minutes. I also think that as a professor that I would be distracted looking across my classroom and seeing someone feeding (with a cover, obviously, but it's apparent what she's doing), and I would feel terrible asking her to stop or leave the classroom if it was distracting the other students.

So I agree with CPM. It would be better to just feed outside of the classroom, if at all possible.

Thanks for sharing your viewpoint. I can see where you are coming from, although I do think it's being a little blown out of proportion. And I agree, it would be better to feed outside of the classroom. But then, I also agree with krebscout: Nursing women should not be expected to become pariahs for a year. I think that this will happen more and more as the formula generation gets older and the benefits of breastfeeding are (re)discovered, and people will just need to learn to look elsewhere if it bothers them that much.

I wonder if, given the nature of the classes (art, right?) and that she's so close to being done, she probably knows the professors and fellow students pretty well. Makes me wonder if that will have anything to do with the reaction of the class to her plans and if they'll be more or less accommodating to someone obviously doing the best she can to finish her degree. Just a thought.

[Carrapicho]

A somewhat brash thought just occurred to me.

Why is breastfeeding okay but it's inappropriate for a woman to talk in mixed company about her period, or men to talk about their bowel movements? They're all just as natural as breastfeeding are they not?

I think maybe it's the talking about it part. Breastfeeding is one thing, but if the woman started telling stories about her cracked nipples or her milk leaking at unfortunate times while she was doing it, I think that would be just as weird as talking about menstruation or bowel movements.

Completely agree. Somehow verbalizing something can often bring more of the "eww factor" than the act itself.

[Dragon Lady]

I've been anticipating this question for a couple of days now. Specifically I've been anticipating this discussion over here, since I'm no longer allowed to spout my opinions at will on the Board. But over here I can be as publicly opinionated as I want.

And then I read the discussion and realized that you guys said it all and I really don't have anything else to add. [sigh] Talk about taking the wind out of my sails.

So, just so you know what my opinion is... I think that so long as it can be discreet, go for it. Sit in the back corner, keep your nursing cover handy so you don't have to be digging around for it, and just in general, be quiet about it. This is mostly true for younger babies. As babies get older, they get more disruptive in general. Dragon Baby, for example, I can no longer nurse in public. Ever. She gets distracted by the tiniest thing and will now allow me to put a cover over her head. So I'm back to leaving the room every time I have to nurse her. Luckily I only nurse her a few times per day, so it's not that big of an inconvenience. That kind of baby, however, is super distracting and should not be breastfed in class. (Nor brought to class, in my opinion.) I think you have to really make that decision on a individual basis. Every baby (and mom) is different.

Carrapicho made some very valid points about bottles. Nipple confusion, refusing bottles, and inability to pump enough are all very real and common problems. If you knew the mom couldn't afford formula and couldn't pump enough milk, would you be more ok with it? What if you knew the baby refused to take a bottle? What if the baby still needed to eat every two hours (which mine did as well as krebscout's), which could quite easily mean the baby needed to eat twice* during the class? (It's a three-hour class.) Especially if the baby took 30 minutes per feeding? You really want the mom to miss an hour or more (include the time to go down and back up three floors, pack up, etc.) during class, all because you're uncomfortable with the idea that under that blanket over there, she's breastfeeding?

And on that note, how do you know she's breastfeeding and not just simply blocking out light so that her baby can sleep?

*Someone suggested feeding the baby just before class. Which is often a very viable solution. It often is not, though. A lot depends on the parenting beliefs (feeding on demand? feeding on a schedule?) and the baby's mood that day. Babies don't eat like adults eat. We can look at the clock and say, "Ok, lunch is in 15 minutes. I can wait till then." Babies say, "I'm hungry now and I'm not afraid to tell you. Very loudly." Even if the baby ate just before class, it's possible that in a 3-hour class, the baby would get hungry again before class is over. I promise you, a hungry baby is much more distracting than a mom slipping a cloth over herself and the baby at the first hungry whimper.

[Carrapicho]

Thanks, Dragon Lady, for reinforcing what I think are all valid points. I guess I'd also forgotten how sometimes babies, especially newborns/babies younger than 3-4 months (which the baby in question will be throughout the semester, since she's due in September), need to eat more often and RIGHT NOW. It does depend on the method of parenting that the mother chooses, of course, but there's all sorts of controversy about babies that young being fed on schedule and I don't want to get into any sort of argument about AP vs BW or something else.

ANYWAY. I guess there's no changing anyone's level of comfort with a woman breastfeeding in their presence through a message board like this, so I'll just restate that I think it's fine as long as she uses a cover and does all she can to minimize distraction. And talk to the teacher(s) beforehand. Props to the OP for wanting to give her child the best nutrition possible!

[wired]

Eh, just deal with it. Sometimes there are good alternatives, sometimes there just aren't. Nursing women should not be expected to become pariahs for a year. I can understand that noise in a class can be distracting, and I respect a woman who thoughtfully tries to reduce that distraction, but women sometimes just need to do what they need to do to take care of babies. And they're already self-conscious enough about it. Deal with it.

I feel like this overstates your position. No one is expecting a nursing woman to become a pariah. Rather, they are asking nursing women to take every reasonable step to avoid putting others in potentially uncomfortable positions. The disagreement comes in whether or not stepping out of class is a "reasonable step" or not.

[Carrapicho]

they are asking nursing women to take every reasonable step to avoid putting others in potentially uncomfortable positions.

I feel like this kinda overstates your position as well. Asking nursing women should "avoid putting others in potentially uncomfortable positions" can lead to a big ol' mess. Should everybody then be asked to avoid making others uncomfortable? I have a good friend that feels uncomfortable seeing anyone kiss. Does that mean everyone should avoid it because it might make her uncomfortable? Sure, that might be exaggerating the idea, but seriously. And if we shouldn't extend that statement to apply to everybody, then why are nursing women singled out?

[Yarjka]

they are asking nursing women to take every reasonable step to avoid putting others in potentially uncomfortable positions.

I feel like this kinda overstates your position as well. Asking nursing women should "avoid putting others in potentially uncomfortable positions" can lead to a big ol' mess. Should everybody then be asked to avoid making others uncomfortable? I have a good friend that feels uncomfortable seeing anyone kiss. Does that mean everyone should avoid it because it might make her uncomfortable? Sure, that might be exaggerating the idea, but seriously. And if we shouldn't extend that statement to apply to everybody, then why are nursing women singled out?

In public, breastfeeding can take place pretty much anywhere. In a classroom, it is disruptive. Incidentally, the same applies to kissing.

ETA: In my opinion. (We have this entire thread to show that opinions vary as to how disruptive it is. Another thread on kissing would probably reveal the same diversity of opinions.)