Question about Romance - posted preemptively

[krebscout]

I just asked this question a minute ago, but I wanted to get the responses of my fellow readers, too. My question: What does romance mean to you, and proposals and weddings aside, what have been your most romantic moments?

Vorpal, as the dad of a billion kids, I'd love for you to answer this.

[Giovanni Schwartz]

Romance is when two people feel such a mutual respect and love for each other that they will go out of their way to make the other person as happy as they could possibly be.

Okay. So I don't really know romance. But I tried!

[Unit of Energy]

To me romance is a meaningful and caring relationship. It's doing something because you know that the other person will appreciate it and that it will make them feel important to you.

I don't know that I'm allowed to have a romantic experience to share, as I've never actually dated anyone, but I do have a story. Last summer a group of friends and I went to the dollar theater. I rode with three guys, including one I happened to like at the time. After the movie he opened my car door for me and did this arm wave to usher me into the car while bowing and saying "Mi'lady". It meant a lot to me, and I know he didn't mean much by it so I didn't build it up. But that is the type of thing I want my husband to do for me someday.

[thebigcheese]

Hmm...

I think of the night when me and my guy said I love you for the first time. It was a moment of pure enjoyment, pure delight, pure happiness. Of just being so caught up in the moment of what was happening, just enjoying each other and laughing together. I also think of the times when we play board games together and we're just silly. Or the times when we've discovered random meadows together and they become "our place" because nobody else knows about it. In fact, I think most "romantic" things happen in private. Because it's something that you two share together and no one else is a part of it.

And with that, I also think of a few tender moments. Some of our most intense and cherished moments have happened while I was bawling into his shoulder. I love that he's there for me when I need that shoulder. Some of our best kisses were drenched in tears.

[Whistler]

I'm trying to think if there is a difference between (emotional) intimacy and romance. The times I feel closest to my fiance are when we laugh about stupid things together or make sacrifices for one another. But I feel like romance could be something different. I feel like there ought to be a planned element to romance - i.e., partners plan to please each other (by making a nice dinner, buying chocolates, dressing up, writing a poem, whatever).

[ahem.]

I think it's when someone does/says something that makes you feel special-to and cared-about-by that individual.

[Carrapicho]

I've refrained from answering this question because I'm still trying to sort my thoughts. Growing up, romance to me was always about what you see in the movies--guy buys girl flowers, they eat a dinner by candlelight, surprise trips to the Caribbean or Europe, luxury hotels, all that stuff. I feel like that's what our society tries to tell us is romantic. Now that I'm older and realize that life isn't always like that, I've had to rethink what I feel is romantic. Do I have a conclusive answer as to what that is? No, but I can tell you a few things that I have observed that are romantic:

1. My husband listens to what kinds of things I mention in the time leading up to my birthday or Christmas, and he'll usually get me something small that fits that need--like one year he got me some hair ties because I mentioned off-hand that, because my hair is so thick, my hair ties keep breaking. It's romantic to me that he pays attention like that.
2. Shortly before proposing to his girlfriend, my brother once mentioned to me that, if all the people he loved in the world--including the prophet--were trapped in a burning building, he would save her first. "No offense, Carrapicho, but she means more to me than you do." Of course, that was said in a joking matter, but it was rooted in truth. And I think that was very romantic of him to say that.
3. My parents read their patriarchal blessings to each other on every anniversary. I love that.
4. Since we still live in Utah Valley, my husband and I like to kind of re-create our first date. It's hard now with a kid, but we can still get shakes from the Malt Shoppe and watch a movie together (we went to Movies 8 that first date). We don't always do this on the actual anniversary, but we do it around that time.

That's about all I have time to think of right now. Romance is very subjective, and I think it's important that we stress to the coming generation that it doesn't have to be all sunshine and roses to be romantic.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I think with fondness on the time when my boyfriend helped me set up for market, drove off to go play basketball, and came back a few minutes later with some fruit for me to eat for breakfast. He still has no clue why I liked it so much.

[vorpal blade]

I just noticed this today, or else I would have tried to answer earlier.

Romance means to me showing someone that they are very important in your life and with all your heart you want the best for them. I don't have any big romantic moments to share, just little things where she suddenly realized that I really did care about her.

[ahem.]

Romance means to me showing someone that they are very important in your life and with all your heart you want the best for them.

I noticed a lot of these definitions, including my own, could be applied to close friends or children, which I usually would not consider romantic relationships. Is there a place for romance in platonic love? Or are we missing an element to this definition?

[Gimgimno]

Romance means to me showing someone that they are very important in your life and with all your heart you want the best for them.

I noticed a lot of these definitions, including my own, could be applied to close friends or children, which I usually would not consider romantic relationships. Is there a place for romance in platonic love? Or are we missing an element to this definition?

How about: "Romance means showing someone that they are very important in your life and with all your heart you want the best for them. Also, you like smooching them."

[ahem.]

Heh. That works for me.

[thebigcheese]

How about: "Romance means showing someone that they are very important in your life and with all your heart you want the best for them. Also, you like smooching them."

Haha! That's pretty good.

I noticed a lot of these definitions, including my own, could be applied to close friends or children, which I usually would not consider romantic relationships. Is there a place for romance in platonic love? Or are we missing an element to this definition?

You know, I think it's a similar feeling. We just call it something different when it's a couple relationship because it's particularly meaningful in that context. Like, when I think of romance, I think of happiness (and maybe intimacy). Romance = happiness. I feel a similar sort of happiness when I'm having a great time with my siblings and friends. But perhaps not the same intensity as the feelings I have for my significant other.

[vorpal blade]

So, are we saying that a relationship without smooching can't be a romance? Like an online relationship?

[ahem.]

I think as long as you WANT to smooch them--or share physical intimacies, like touch--you're still good. Yes?

[wired]

I'll give it a shot.

Romance is the sincere loving of someone that causes you to desire a deeper unity with that person; the intensifying unity causes the couple to support each other and commonly create new things. (Commonly meaning "in common" as opposed to "occurring regularly and mundanely." "Things" being "ideas, projects, children, etc.")

Also, I haven't read the entire thread so I hope I didn't commit copyright infringement on anyone's definitions.

[thebigcheese]

ro-man-tic (adj)
1. of, pertaining to, or of the nature of romance; characteristic or suggestive of the world of romance: a romantic adventure.
2. fanciful; impractical; unrealistic: romantic ideas.
3. imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc.
4. characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved.
5. displaying or expressing love or strong affection.
6. ardent; passionate; fervent.
7. ( usually initial capital letter ) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a style of literature and art that subordinates form to content, encourages freedom of treatment, emphasizes imagination, emotion, and introspection, and often celebrates nature, the ordinary person, and freedom of the spirit ( contrasted with classical).
8. of or pertaining to a musical style characteristic chiefly of the 19th century and marked by the free expression of imagination and emotion, virtuosic display, experimentation with form, and the adventurous development of orchestral and piano music and opera.
9. imaginary, fictitious, or fabulous.
10. noting, of, or pertaining to the role of a suitor or lover in a play about love: the romantic lead.

[Tao]

Interesting to note the amount of fiction involved in the dictionary definition. I think of the verbal phrasing of the word ("Romancing the Stone", to be honest) and draw a point of salesmanship involved that is lacking in platonic relationships. I wonder if part of romance could be the implications of the desire to shape one's life around another. While you do have major changes involved with other relationships, (kids especially) that change isn't something you broadcast as part of the relationship.

Thus romantic moments can be big things that stand out as out of the normal or the recognition of all the little things sprinkled over a long term: dressing up in a suit of armor with a bouquet of flowers to show up at her class/work/home not only will embarrass the daylights out of her, but is a declaration that the relationship was such that it allowed for such an action. But realizing after 25 years that he really doesn't like those sappy movies you love so much and he's watched with you to every Friday can be just as romantic, as it shows that active willingness to change away from the norm.