#61216 - love languages

[mic0]

I haven't read the book. Clearly there is more to the book than the layperson who only knows the most basic part of the theory knows. Which is good. I'm glad it's not as simple as all that.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I don't think deeply about things unless prompted, so before I read the book, I had never really thought about different ways of expressing love and how they applied to me. I certainly don't take the book as gospel, but more as an aid to guide my own thoughts. And though I took the test and thought about them all and figured out which one or two really applied to me, I must point out that my in most successful current relationship (okay, I should just say Marduk since he said things already) I am receiving all five and doing my best to give all five.

[thebigcheese]

Before I read the book, I had never really thought about different ways of expressing love and how they applied to me. I certainly don't take the book as gospel, but more as an aid to guide my own thoughts.

My sentiments exactly.

[Dragon Lady]

My mom loves the book, so I've thought about it a lot, trying to figure out my language, but I'm pretty sure I'm like a few others before me in this thread… I'm multiple languages. Probably all 5. But the one that is the strongest is typically the one I'm haven't received enough of.

Though, I'm learning something else that is interesting. By knowing Yellow's love languages (or rather, which ones aren't his love languages), I have been able (over time) to diminish my need for them. For example, Yellow hates giving gifts. He struggles thinking of gifts. In his ideal world, no one would have to give gifts. Or could just give money. Or something. I am not the same. I love when I think of the perfect gift. I have a gift ideas google doc so I can jot down gift ideas through the year as I think of them. If I see something at the store that I think someone will like, I have a very strong urge to purchase it. My brother got "The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook" for Christmas this year even though I didn't have his name, simply because I had a 40% off coupon and couldn't bring myself to pass up that book when I knew he would love it. So at first, it was kind of hard to accept that he didn't like giving gifts. That he never bought me flowers or teddy bears or anything else like that. I was like, "But, but, that's what romantic people do!" I actually had to consider whether that non "romantic" side of him was a deal breaker for me when we were dating.

Luckily I decided that his other qualities more than made up for it, and I've found that he is incredibly romantic in other ways. He's very giving and considerate, for example. When he gets up with Dragon Baby when she's sick and wakes up at night so that I can sleep, because he knows that I don't do well without sleep (why am I writing this after midnight?) is very romantic to me. And on a much deeper level. He does dishes every day because he knows I hate it. He looks out for me. And over the years, I've started to realize that I'm ok with the fact that he doesn't buy me flowers and chocolates. And over the years he's done better at figuring out birthday and Christmas gifts. This year, in addition to a few material things that he knew I'd like, he also wrote me a very sweet letter that almost made me cry. In front of his entire family. I will keep and treasure that letter much longer than the gifts he bought.

This ended with a totally different point than I started out making, but whatever. I'm tired. And it's still all true. Though, perhaps, incomplete. Maybe I'll fix it tomorrow.

[Unit of Energy]

I find that I feel most appreciated when people do things for me that indicate they were thinking about me when they didn't have to be. So when a friend drops by to visit, or remembers my favorite candy bar, or texts me out of the blue. I may be a little narcissistic, but knowing that someone is thinking about me when I'm not there making sure I'm noticed means the most to me.