Congratulations?
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thebigcheese
- Someone's Favorite
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Re: Congratulations?
Perhaps not, but it's certainly rebellious.
Re: Congratulations?
I'm not LDS, but I'm Christian and also believe that sex before marriage isn't God's plan.
I think I've said before on this forum that you can't hold people to standards that they don't even profess to believe. If this young woman no longer claims to be a Christian, telling her that her behavior doesn't live up to Christ's standards is pointless and will only drive her further away. If she's already broken ties with the /heart/ aspect of the way she was raised, why should she hold to the merely behavioral aspects?
I'm actually dealing with a fairly similar situation with one of the girls in the youth group I lead ... I've struggled with how to handle it because I really don't know whether this young lady still wants to follow God or not. I hope that the fact that the church leaders are responding to her with love and grace and the desire to support her in spite of her mistakes will renew her desire to follow God. But I really don't know.
I think I've said before on this forum that you can't hold people to standards that they don't even profess to believe. If this young woman no longer claims to be a Christian, telling her that her behavior doesn't live up to Christ's standards is pointless and will only drive her further away. If she's already broken ties with the /heart/ aspect of the way she was raised, why should she hold to the merely behavioral aspects?
I'm actually dealing with a fairly similar situation with one of the girls in the youth group I lead ... I've struggled with how to handle it because I really don't know whether this young lady still wants to follow God or not. I hope that the fact that the church leaders are responding to her with love and grace and the desire to support her in spite of her mistakes will renew her desire to follow God. But I really don't know.
Re: Congratulations?
Sure. But I tend to get along really well with rebellious people.thebigcheese wrote:Perhaps not, but it's certainly rebellious.
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TheBlackSheep
- The Best
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- Location: Salt Lake County
Re: Congratulations?
This might all be projection, but here it is anyway, based on friends' experience as well as my own.
thebigcheese, if you're looking for a way to prepare for these sorts of situations, I think it is really important to remember that people who were raised in the church know ahead of time what your objections are, like melbabi and others said. If they are close to you/their parents/other LDS people, they've probably gone over and over these things in their head before announcing them, and they are hoping you won't bring them up or even hint at them. This is because they care about you and they know that you want the best for them, but nothing you say or hint at is going to change what they are doing or how they feel about it. It is only going to strain your relationship. That's it. They've thought about it more in depth than you have, both because it is their own life and because they are preparing for hearing everything they are hoping that their religions friends won't say or hint at. And, "When's the wedding?" is a super huge hint. I would be sad, too, but I guarantee you that she predicted it, which is probably why she's so sad.
Like Marduk said, you're her friend, not her spiritual advisor. Her fate is not in your hands and her sins are not on your head. There is no reason for you to show that you disapprove. She knows you do, and she knows why. Be supportive and caring. I thought that Marduk had some excellent suggestions, outside of the just plain old "Congratulations!" vein. When the baby comes, she'll need just as much emotional, temporal, and every other kind of support as a temple wed mother would, and hopefully the LDS people in her life will come to bat then.
However, if I was going to give you all-encompassing advice for any situation like this, it would be the same.
thebigcheese, if you're looking for a way to prepare for these sorts of situations, I think it is really important to remember that people who were raised in the church know ahead of time what your objections are, like melbabi and others said. If they are close to you/their parents/other LDS people, they've probably gone over and over these things in their head before announcing them, and they are hoping you won't bring them up or even hint at them. This is because they care about you and they know that you want the best for them, but nothing you say or hint at is going to change what they are doing or how they feel about it. It is only going to strain your relationship. That's it. They've thought about it more in depth than you have, both because it is their own life and because they are preparing for hearing everything they are hoping that their religions friends won't say or hint at. And, "When's the wedding?" is a super huge hint. I would be sad, too, but I guarantee you that she predicted it, which is probably why she's so sad.
Like Marduk said, you're her friend, not her spiritual advisor. Her fate is not in your hands and her sins are not on your head. There is no reason for you to show that you disapprove. She knows you do, and she knows why. Be supportive and caring. I thought that Marduk had some excellent suggestions, outside of the just plain old "Congratulations!" vein. When the baby comes, she'll need just as much emotional, temporal, and every other kind of support as a temple wed mother would, and hopefully the LDS people in her life will come to bat then.
However, if I was going to give you all-encompassing advice for any situation like this, it would be the same.
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vorpal blade
- Posts: 1750
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- Location: New Jersey
Re: Congratulations?
If I were the mother I'd volunteer to come and help out for a week or two when the baby is born.thebigcheese wrote: Also, it's possible that I may someday have a daughter in this situation. I wouldn't want to be the unsupportive parent...