#68651 - FB pregnancy announcement

[Katya]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/68651/

I was surprised at the universal disdain for announcing a pregnancy on fb. I can see the argument that casual acquaintances don't need to know, but my fb friends mainly consist of dear friends and family members who live far away and who I don't much contact outside of fb, so I think that fb would be an ideal way to let them know.

I guess my questions are: Do you (if you feel this way) think that no family / life changes should be announced on fb? (I.e., is it just pregnancy or is it also births, engagements, marriage, etc.? Or maybe you're just saying, "Don't announce the pregnancy, just wait for the birth?") Also, are your fb friends mostly casual acquaintances, not close friends? If you didn't announce something like this on fb, how would your friends and family find out? Would you tell them all directly or would you rely on the people you did tell to pass the news along? (If I had a baby and told only my parents, I imagine it would be months or years before most of my cousins found out. (Of course, most of them probably wouldn't care, either, so maybe it doesn't matter.))

[Cindy]

I was wondering the same thing. One of the main reasons I use facebook is to keep track of what's happening in the lives of cousins and friends whom I don't have much other contact with any more. If I don't care enough about someone to care that they're getting married or having a kid or whatever, I won't be facebook friends with them. And if someone doesn't care what's happening in my life, they're free to block my facebook updates and/or drop me as a friend.

[Digit]

You could cram the news into a collect phone call.

[TheAnswerIs42]

This last time, I announced my pregnancy on my blog. I wasn't opposed to using facebook, but I had a lot to say about it, so that's where it went. In fact, I think I made my status something like "go read my blog." My mom got after me for not calling my siblings individually, but I did that for my engagement and felt ridiculous. And by the time my mom chided me for this pregnancy, almost all of my siblings had made comments.

I'm with Cindy. I'm friends with people I want to keep up with. I was excited to see a ring picture for a girl from my home ward that I haven't had a reason to talk to in years, but think about occasionally. And surprised when my old roommate (who isn't on facebook much) didn't have anything on her updates, but her sister tagged pictures of her new baby suddenly. That is the whole purpose of facebook to me- see what people are up to, even if I don't have a reason to see them in person or call them up. That's not creepy, that's continuing to care about people who aren't directly a part of your life anymore.

How else would you announce it? If you don't see the person or call them occasionally, do they not need to know?

And by the way, this is outside of the "wait until 12 weeks to say anything" advice, which is sound.

[Whistler]

I was just so excited about my pregnancy last year that I told everyone and then it ended up miscarrying. But since everyone knew, they could offer me support and advice, which I really needed. Maybe that's awkward, but I don't regret telling everyone right away. But next time I definitely want to wait a little... I just am bad at keeping something good a secret!

[Katya]

I was just so excited about my pregnancy last year that I told everyone and then it ended up miscarrying. But since everyone knew, they could offer me support and advice, which I really needed. Maybe that's awkward, but I don't regret telling everyone right away. But next time I definitely want to wait a little... I just am bad at keeping something good a secret!

We had a Board comment once (that I can't find) from a woman who frequently miscarried, and who told people early because she wanted the support and prayers while she was pregnant and the support and prayers if she miscarried, too. It was an interesting perspective. I don't think I'd do that because I am incredibly emotionally private, but I appreciated the chance to look at a familiar situation from a different point of view. Maybe we should talk more about miscarriage. It is, after all, a physical and emotional loss (not to mention a hormonal roller coaster) and that's a time when people need support.

[Craig Jessop]

You could cram the news into a collect phone call.

Ha, I remember seeing that commercial on the Real TV.

Anyway, I think it's okay to announce things on Facebook. I would think the classy thing to do would be to announce big life changes -- engagement, mission calls, pregnancy, and the like -- to close friends and family first through another medium. But in the end, I would want people to know about the exciting things happening to me, and making a million phone calls to your old Young Men's advisor, or the guys who lived in your dorm freshman year, or those high school friends you haven't seen in a million years would be obnoxious and inappropriate. ("Oh hi! Remember when we were friends? Well... I'm engaged, and you should be happy for me, but not so happy as to feel obligated to send me a gift or anything, but I just thought you might like to know!")

[Giovanni Schwartz]

I solemnly promise to announce my future pregnancies on facebook.

[Craig Jessop]

I look forward to it.