Masturbation

[Watts]

I hear you, sister. This is complicated by a Guy who is more Mormon than I am and without whom I can't imagine life.

This is hard. Best of luck friend. Should you ever need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, hit me up. I'll bring doughnuts and/or your food and beverage of choice (non-alcoholic or otherwise, what ever you are so inclined towards).

Twenty-one is rough: but you seem to have a good head on your (as yet untattooed) shoulders.)

This is going to change very soon. As in, as soon as I have a bit o' change to spend. Regardless of my standing in the church, I love tattoos, I think they are art, and I would love nothing more than to have some meaningful art to carry around with me forever.

Also, thank you for the compliment. I try to stay as even-keeled as a can, but 99% of the time I feel like a hot mess and not so rational. So I appreciate the comment.

[UnluckyStuntman]

Question #69681
I find it very interesting that the writers say we should be more open and talk about masturbation and yet choose to use an anonymous pseudonym as their signature.

It's a little disappointing that the writers didn't feel comfortable attaching their nyms to the question, though I suspect that may have more to do with keeping the answer BYU-approved than with their willingness to be forthright.

I feel like I should give a bit of perspective here on answering this question. Though I was not one of the writers who answered this question, though originally I had written a very lengthy answer with my 'nym attached. There were a few reasons why I ultimately decided to delete my answer. The easy answer would be that it was probably an over-share, and that my anon counterparts did do a good job of addressing some of the issues.

The bigger reason for deleting my original response was because it felt hypocritical. I felt like if I answered the question in a way that would be appropriate for BYU 100 Hour Board standards, then I wouldn't actually be telling the real story, I would be telling a filtered version of the events. I didn't want to be a hypocrite so I decided to delete my answer, which basically outlined my entire experience as a woman who masturbates and is a member of the church. I even talked about what it meant for me here at BYU, and the various conversations with my bishops. None of them have ever felt the need to take away my endorsement because I am keeping the lines of communication open with the, so I don't really feel the threat of getting kicked out of BYU for openly talking about it. But despite all of this, there were still some things that I felt I could not include in my response that were pretty crucial to heart of the narrative.

I felt sad, deleting my answer, because I thought it was well written and might spark some conversation about masturbation in the church. However, the final product felt dis-genuine. Even though I talked about real experiences, I was leaving a lot of things out of the equation. I really do think that this needs to be a more open conversation, and I really wanted to contribute to that discussion, but I think I recognized that maybe the Board was not the proper forum for my whole story.

Thanks for sharing, Watts. You make a good point about the Board maybe not being the best place to have such a candid discussion, though if more people (especially LDS people) were willing to be as frank as you just were, we could more effectively address (and probably prevent) much of the sexual dysfunction and shame that people experience through their teen and adult years.

[Portia]

I hear you, sister. This is complicated by a Guy who is more Mormon than I am and without whom I can't imagine life.

This is hard. Best of luck friend. Should you ever need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, hit me up. I'll bring doughnuts and/or your food and beverage of choice (non-alcoholic or otherwise, what ever you are so inclined towards).

I don't know, it's not actually that hard thus far. He has doubts of his own, and thankfully, has had his degree lo these two and a half years. I think (speak of the devil) it's mostly the sex issues that he '"struggles" with, such as it is. (I don't think he actually sees his sex drive as negative.) I will gladly take a Krispy Kreme and wassail/hot cocoa. I'm actually moving down to Provo and would like to be social with Board people.

[Watts]

I will gladly take a Krispy Kreme and wassail/hot cocoa. I'm actually moving down to Provo and would like to be social with Board people.

Done deal.

[Portia]

I think I underestimated how much of a wedge this would be in our fledgling relationship, this being the Church, the guilt, the different expectations, the delicate dance between one's own desires and respecting someone else wanting to hold back. I see married friends who live in squalor, essentially, and I think I always forget that what so many want, I fear. Belief or a lack thereof can shape not just your attitudes to sex, but to the contours of your very existence. There is a real difference in the goals of the coastal godless liberal and the Provo "inactive." Doesn't make it any better, or easier.

[Katya]

I think I underestimated how much of a wedge this would be in our fledgling relationship, this being the Church, the guilt, the different expectations, the delicate dance between one's own desires and respecting someone else wanting to hold back. I see married friends who live in squalor, essentially, and I think I always forget that what so many want, I fear. Belief or a lack thereof can shape not just your attitudes to sex, but to the contours of your very existence. There is a real difference in the goals of the coastal godless liberal and the Provo "inactive." Doesn't make it any better, or easier.

I read that second-to-last line as "coastal goddess liberal."

[Watts]

I think I underestimated how much of a wedge this would be in our fledgling relationship, this being the Church, the guilt, the different expectations, the delicate dance between one's own desires and respecting someone else wanting to hold back. I see married friends who live in squalor, essentially, and I think I always forget that what so many want, I fear. Belief or a lack thereof can shape not just your attitudes to sex, but to the contours of your very existence. There is a real difference in the goals of the coastal godless liberal and the Provo "inactive." Doesn't make it any better, or easier.

I read that second-to-last line as "coastal goddess liberal."

ME TOO!