http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/70074/
She had a great answer in saying, "Pick out the small positives, adding any speck of light that she can to that black hole." However, I don't have a good vision of how to become that speck of light yet. Does anyone have any experiences with this? Any specific ways that we can do this?
I don't have it nearly as rough as the asker or writer, but my family can also seem depressed or stressed around the holidays. I've always tried to use humor to lighten the mood, but every year I'm scared that they are going to realize what lousy jokes I have and just get more annoyed.
Depressed Family Holiday Time (#70074)
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bobtheenchantedone
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Re: Depressed Family Holiday Time (#70074)
I do have some experience with that kind of situation. First of all I want to make sure we all know that it is okay for us to get the hell out of there for our own sanity. I left what had been the happiest experience of my life because I felt like I needed to go try to take care of my family, and while I am glad I did, I am glad for other reasons. I have now permanently left the house and it's much better that way.
When I go home, I do my best to never raise my voice. I let my parents do their thing - we've fought over different parenting styles in the past - but if one of my siblings starts yelling at another I step in and calm the situation while teaching my siblings a better way to go about things. When I remember, I hug everyone at least once - either when I arrive or right before I leave (or both). That includes the brother just younger than me, who, the first few times I went to hug him, would threaten me with the sink sprayer or say something rude. Now he just pretends it isn't happening. Progress!
I try to take time with all of my siblings. I listen to them talk about their days, look at what they're working on, and take them out when I can. (The one brother has so far refused point-blank to have lunch with me, but I keep offering.) I also talk to my parents occasionally, and for both our sakes avoid certain topics when I do.
Another thing that is less specific but has helped a lot was me becoming a lot more self-aware. When I realized why I was behaving certain ways, I began to see why my siblings and parents might behave the way they do, and it's helped me to be a lot more sympathetic. I can approach them and their issues with love in my heart instead of some sense of duty, which makes me a lot more effective.
When I go home, I do my best to never raise my voice. I let my parents do their thing - we've fought over different parenting styles in the past - but if one of my siblings starts yelling at another I step in and calm the situation while teaching my siblings a better way to go about things. When I remember, I hug everyone at least once - either when I arrive or right before I leave (or both). That includes the brother just younger than me, who, the first few times I went to hug him, would threaten me with the sink sprayer or say something rude. Now he just pretends it isn't happening. Progress!
I try to take time with all of my siblings. I listen to them talk about their days, look at what they're working on, and take them out when I can. (The one brother has so far refused point-blank to have lunch with me, but I keep offering.) I also talk to my parents occasionally, and for both our sakes avoid certain topics when I do.
Another thing that is less specific but has helped a lot was me becoming a lot more self-aware. When I realized why I was behaving certain ways, I began to see why my siblings and parents might behave the way they do, and it's helped me to be a lot more sympathetic. I can approach them and their issues with love in my heart instead of some sense of duty, which makes me a lot more effective.
The Epistler was quite honestly knocked on her ethereal behind by the sheer logic of this.
Re: Depressed Family Holiday Time (#70074)
you peeps are strong and I admire that
Re: Depressed Family Holiday Time (#70074)
My boyfriend (I collect boyfriends and exes, so I will henceforth refer to them by suitable Mad Men nicknames), Ken Cosgrove, has a crrrrrazy family. I don't envy him - my family is awesome.