Physical attraction, makeup, and clothes #75821

[vorpal blade]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75821/

I agree with Sheebs, who answered this question, but I'd like to give a couple of other thoughts, since I believe I can relate to the husband in the question.

Women usually think that clothes and makeup make a difference in how attractive they look. They are taught that idea by our culture, by the clothing industry, and by many of their experiences which seem to reinforce that belief. I agree that clothes and makeup help make a first impression. They can call attention to certain physical attributes and may even give the impression that the person is prettier or more beautiful than if the person were in unattractive or unappealing attire.

But that is only true to a certain extent, and for a limited time. I think it is funny when they want to show a beautiful actress as plain and ordinary by putting some plain and ordinary clothes on her, and a pair of glasses. Who do they think they are fooling? She looks just as gorgeous as ever, probably even more stunning then when she is wearing something expensive and glamorous. They may fool those who have been conditioned to think that there is a connection between the clothes we wear and our appearance, but I think most men are not at all fooled.

What we find attractive is much more than the wrapping paper. Most men have to train themselves to even notice what a woman is wearing. It just doesn't register on our minds. How a woman acts, how she behaves, how she talks, how she relates to others is much more important anyway. When we reach the point where we find a woman attractive the idea of the woman is the mental picture in our heads, not the visual image. That idea lasts even while time ages us.

Have you noticed how often women find their own babies (or grand-babies) more adorable and cuter than any other babies? Sorry to say it, but other people don't think your baby is quite as cute as you do. Sure, mothers love to dress their babies up in "cute" clothes, but the most important thing is how they feel about the baby that determines how cute they think the baby is. Sadly, some mothers don't love their babies as much when the babies are not all dressed up pretty, but I don't think men react the same way. And I don't think many women do either. It is how they feel about the baby that makes the biggest difference.

I can usually tell when a woman is wearing makeup and when she is not. If I know the woman, makeup really doesn't make a difference to me in how attractive I think she is. If I don't know the woman I may get the impression that she doesn't care about herself and other people if she hasn't taken the time to "make herself attractive." And I find such an attitude unattractive and therefore she looks less attractive.

So why do women wear makeup and worry about the clothes they wear? In my opinion it doesn't alter reality if you already know the woman, except that such things give a woman confidence and self-assurance, which usually helps her to have a more attractive personality, which helps her to give an impression of greater attractiveness.

So, the woman in this question should trust her husband that he is giving her the straight scoop.

[Amity]

Cause men are attracted to females, even the ones they aren't married to, based on physical appearance.

Women usually think that clothes and makeup make a difference in how attractive they look.

I think it's also important to point out that there are vast differences among men and women in the importance they place on physical attraction and appearance and what they think is attractive. We cannot assume we know what a person's thought process is based solely on their sex/gender.

And yes, agreed that the question asker should take what her husband says at face value.

[Marduk]

And there may be men, like me, who don't find most makeup attractive, and usually prefer the appearance of a woman not wearing makeup to one who is.

[vorpal blade]

I thought this survey was interesting.

According to the study conducted by Kelton Research, not only are well-dressed men viewed as sexier, smarter, more successful, and more well-liked, they also fare better in relationships. In fact, 91 percent of Americans think dressing well can make a man appear to be more physically attractive than he really is, while nearly two-thirds (64 percent) believe women are more likely to marry a well-dressed man than one who isn't as put together.

Though beauty may be only skin deep, the survey uncovered the alluring possibilities of being well dressed, including greater sex appeal and higher workplace wages.
...
Suit Up for Sex Appeal

The way someone looks is one of the most important aspects of sexual attraction, which is perhaps why nearly three-quarters (78 percent) of women assert one of the hottest things a guy can do is to dress well.

While Kelton Research is an independent company, they did do this survey for Men's Wearhouse, which makes money selling men's clothing. http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases ... 58669.html

Are there women who think clothing makes no difference in attractiveness?

[Portia]

I can be attracted to a man with a below-average body, but a hot face, confidence, and who dresses well. I can also be attracted to a man who dresses like a slob but with a sense of humor and a rockin' body. It's not a zero-sum game, and like the non-Mormons in Concorde's survey, personality counts before body type. (But face is huge ... can't be attracted to a guy with an ugly face.)

[Whistler]

hmm... I think I can see a well-dressed guy as, abstractly, more attractive. But in reality, I'm not as comfortable when I'm around people who are dressed at a different level of casualness than I am, especially if I'm less dressed up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of person (or more recently, sweat pants and t-shirt), and most of the guys I've dated were the same. Kind of like how most people end up marrying someone who is about as attractive as they are.

[Portia]

hmm... I think I can see a well-dressed guy as, abstractly, more attractive. But in reality, I'm not as comfortable when I'm around people who are dressed at a different level of casualness than I am, especially if I'm less dressed up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of person (or more recently, sweat pants and t-shirt), and most of the guys I've dated were the same. Kind of like how most people end up marrying someone who is about as attractive as they are.

That's a good insight.

[vorpal blade]

hmm... I think I can see a well-dressed guy as, abstractly, more attractive. But in reality, I'm not as comfortable when I'm around people who are dressed at a different level of casualness than I am, especially if I'm less dressed up. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of person (or more recently, sweat pants and t-shirt), and most of the guys I've dated were the same. Kind of like how most people end up marrying someone who is about as attractive as they are.

I've read that a teacher looks more attractive to the students if the teacher dresses well, but the students relate more and learn more if the teacher is dressed the same as the students...jeans and t-shirt.

I've heard that before, that people end up marrying someone who is about as attractive as they are. That is generally my observation as well, but this brings up all sorts of questions. Do people think they married someone as attractive as they are, or is this just an outsider's opinion?

If you are more comfortable with someone who is as attractive as you are, what does this say about your spouse if you hate the way you look? From what I've read most people hate the way they look. As one person says, "Because to be feminine, today, means to hate your body" http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... va-wiseman Other sources say that today 80% of men hate the way they look, while "only" 75% of women do. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle ... than-women

To make matter worse, despite how unattractive you think you look, there is research that says you are NOT as beautiful as you think you are. http://www.scientificamerican.com/artic ... -you-think According to this Scientific American study we see ourselves through rose colored glasses.

Kind of depressing. We marry someone we think is about as attractive as we are, and we hate the way we look, but the truth is we are less attractive than we think we are. Which would seem to indicate we hate the way our spouse looks.

Or...am I missing something here?

[Whistler]

so, your 80% quote is actually more like 80% of men in Britain who go to the YMCA (so they're all gym-goers, and a quarter are gay) are aware that their body isn't perfect, not that they "hate" their bodies.

[Portia]

so, your 80% quote is actually more like 80% of men in Britain who go to the YMCA (so they're all gym-goers, and a quarter are gay) are aware that their body isn't perfect, not that they "hate" their bodies.

I'm glad I didn't see the post before this, so I can be all, "holy non sequitur, Batman!"