Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

That's what happens with any culture that primarily defines one sex by their ability to be attractive. That value is seen as more important than any other.

That reminded me of this short article, in which the wife was the one with the trivial problem.

Marduk wrote:That's what happens with any culture that primarily defines one sex by their ability to be attractive. That value is seen as more important than any other.

Agreed. I just found this jarring since I haven't met any men like that IRL (that I'm aware of), and it seems like... such a trivial thing. But yeah, I know what you're saying, that is definitely a factor.

That's a pretty good article, Digit. Of course, it is different in that the woman was actively thinking of things that annoyed her, whereas the guy in this question was just telling the wife that her smile annoyed him (and it sounds like he didn't just tell her once). I mean, anyone can think of silly things that annoy them, and it is definitely true that we need to recognize what things are important and what things aren't. What surprised me about the wife's question is that she made it sound like the husband defines this as a Very Important Issue, whereas it does not seem that bad. Like, maybe he should just look away when his wife smiles? /snark.

mic0 wrote:The one about the smile. Divya and Maven did a great job! I really hope the woman who wrote the question takes their advice and goes to couple's counseling, because I mean, seriously. If there *isn't* an underlying, non-physical issue (which I doubt), then at least the husband needs to learn that it is not okay to constantly criticize someone* and then claim to love them. Like... honestly. Maven and Divya, I am so proud of you two for not just going on a rampage because reading that question was so infuriating!

*Originally wrote "someone's looks," but really, any criticism. That's so ridiculous.

My response would be a perhaps-not-BYU-approved "DTMFA!" If what the wife says is true, then her husband is mentally off, clinically narcissistic and also just a douche. So the entirety of your problems stem from your wife being more of a Megan from Mad Men than a Betty??? Pro tip: Miss Québécoise has made millions off her "gummy" smile while you whine on your pathetic, controlling Mormon butt. I bet you have a receding hairline or a too-prominent nose or some other physical imperfection. Mormon perfectionism is particularly scary in the hands of narcissists.

I think she should get out now before he permanently screws with her unborn children's self-esteem.

Looking forward to the Board reunion. :P

Portia wrote:

mic0 wrote:The one about the smile. Divya and Maven did a great job! I really hope the woman who wrote the question takes their advice and goes to couple's counseling, because I mean, seriously. If there *isn't* an underlying, non-physical issue (which I doubt), then at least the husband needs to learn that it is not okay to constantly criticize someone* and then claim to love them. Like... honestly. Maven and Divya, I am so proud of you two for not just going on a rampage because reading that question was so infuriating!

*Originally wrote "someone's looks," but really, any criticism. That's so ridiculous.

My response would be a perhaps-not-BYU-approved "DTMFA!" If what the wife says is true, then her husband is mentally off, clinically narcissistic and also just a douche. So the entirety of your problems stem from your wife being more of a Megan from Mad Men than a Betty??? Pro tip: Miss Québécoise has made millions off her "gummy" smile while you whine on your pathetic, controlling Mormon butt. I bet you have a receding hairline or a too-prominent nose or some other physical imperfection. Mormon perfectionism is particularly scary in the hands of narcissists.

I think she should get out now before he permanently screws with her unborn children's self-esteem.

Looking forward to the Board reunion.

I pretty much agree with this exactly. The guy is a shallow, narcissistic douche and needs to be alone until he can get his head out of his rear.

I laughed when I saw Stego Lily's answer about buying from local vendors, first because I was like "I'm local! Buy from me!" and then because I was invited to vend at that very event today and was annoyed with the guy for not giving me any information. Now I have answers to all my vendor questions thanks to the Board!

^I consider you a local vendor to me because you live inside my computer.

That too!

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I laughed when I saw Stego Lily's answer about buying from local vendors, first because I was like "I'm local! Buy from me!"

Did you see my comment about Etsy vendors?

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75426/

yayfulness wrote:The true meaning of chivalry and gentlemanliness has less to do with paying for things and more to do with respect.

Katya wrote:

bobtheenchantedone wrote:I laughed when I saw Stego Lily's answer about buying from local vendors, first because I was like "I'm local! Buy from me!"

Did you see my comment about Etsy vendors?

I did now! Why didn't I think of posting that?

Katya wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75426/

yayfulness wrote:The true meaning of chivalry and gentlemanliness has less to do with paying for things and more to do with respect.

In fact, creating a class of payors and non-payors serves to reinforce some pernicious stereotypes, especially among platonic friends.

Portia wrote:

Katya wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75426/

yayfulness wrote:The true meaning of chivalry and gentlemanliness has less to do with paying for things and more to do with respect.

In fact, creating a class of payors and non-payors serves to reinforce some pernicious stereotypes, especially among platonic friends.

Yeah, I've heard more than one guy talk about how expensive dating can be, since the cultural expectation is that the guy will pay. Let's not make it too expensive for guys to be friends with girls!

If a guy ever paid for me, I assumed it was a date. Period. If I went out with a guy friend as just friends and he tried to pay for me I would have totally called him out on it. "Wait. I thought we were going out as friends. Are you trying to make this a date?" But then again, the guy friends that I did stuff with I was comfortable enough to joke around with like that. If I hadn't reached that level of comfort yet, I would have just assumed that they *were* turning it into a date and that I had gotten the wrong memo to start with.

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75453/

I'm not gonna lie. My first thought upon reading the first answer (Owlet's) was "Well, if you've seen her facebook profile picture, you may not be far from the truth..."

Giovanni Schwartz wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/75453/

I'm not gonna lie. My first thought upon reading the first answer (Owlet's) was "Well, if you've seen her facebook profile picture, you may not be far from the truth..."

(I literally did just laugh out loud.)

Hah! It's so true!

Resisting urge to facebook stalk...

Protip: I don't think she really cares if people connect her 'nym with her IRL identity.

I call her by her 'nym all of the time. Seriously. Even at work, I sometimes slip up and refer to her as Katya instead of her real name to coworkers/supervisors.