Answers I liked

[Katya]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79965/

Green thumbs for everyone!

[Katya]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79795/

pigeons and women in Islam. So good. SO GOOD.

+1

[Katya]

No way. I sing this to B.A.B.Y., but my version goes:

What do you do with a drunken baby (X3) early in the morning
Hide her away because it's shameful (X3) to have a drunk ba-by

And the chorus is:
Yo ho, my baby's drunk, yes
Yo ho, my baby's wasted
Yo ho, my baby's plastered
How could this have happened?

Put a little rum into her bottle
Put a little whiskey in her bottle
Put a little vodka on her bottle
I guess it might be my fault

Repeat the chorus, with various other synonyms for drunk (snockered, hammered, etc.) as desired.

And this is why B.A.B.Y. is going to grow up to be awesome.

[Whistler]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79985/ Concorde's story about the older man she helped really touched me. I hope that I can be as compassionate with the less-technologically-savvy people in my life.

[Katya]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/79976/

I only recently learned about this issue, so I appreciated Ardilla's well-written answer.

[Whistler]

yes, it's interesting! You can also sell clothes that are too worn to donate to places that recycle the fabric. A store called Tabitha's Way here in Spanish Fork accepts scraps of clothing (so, clothing with holes in it and stuff) and they sell it.

[Portia]

I find it somewhat sad that the pregnant woman didn't end up marrying the father of the kid.* I wonder what happened, if he gave up his parental rights, or what. (Assuming it was her fiancé that got her pregnant ...)

Between the Board and Reddit, there sure are weird relationship stories.

*not in the temple, but a civil wedding

[Portia]

Also regarding this comment, I just reread my childhood journal, and actually my 2-year-old brother sobbing inconsolably for hours and hours during the whole drawn out process (my parents were unendowed, which is why I'm guessing it took so long) wasn't so much "cute" as "incredibly stressful for my 8-year-old self and a huge huge huge relief when the torture of trying to get him off his ledge of craziness was over."

[Concorde]

Haha, when my family was sealed together, it was me that threw the fit. It didn't help that my brother and I weren't taught Portuguese and we were sealed in Brazil- we were so confused because to us the concept of another language just didn't make sense (when we went back to the states for a visit, my brother famously went to play with some American kids and came dashing straight back to my mother to excitedly inform her that "these kids can speak!") and we had no idea what was happening, really. They couldn't get me to put my hands on my parents' and I was practically blue in the face.

[Portia]

Haha, when my family was sealed together, it was me that threw the fit. It didn't help that my brother and I weren't taught Portuguese and we were sealed in Brazil- we were so confused because to us the concept of another language just didn't make sense (when we went back to the states for a visit, my brother famously went to play with some American kids and came dashing straight back to my mother to excitedly inform her that "these kids can speak!") and we had no idea what was happening, really. They couldn't get me to put my hands on my parents' and I was practically blue in the face.

#realtalkwithportiaandconcorde

[Portia]

Become the High-powered, Intense, Won't-take-anybody's-crap (Obnoxious, Ill Tempered, Lonely, Unhappy) Business Woman You Were Meant to Be: The Whole Package (with Portia of Belmont)

1. First off, address others with a sassy, "get over it." This will in no way alienate your inferiors. In fact, take a page from a past boss of mine and loudly declare that you hate sugar cookies, and when an employee gives you a handmade one, ceremoniously dump it in the garbage and complain until she bursts into tears. Nota bene: this was a dude, so YMMV.

2. Startups! Spend all your weekends on a pipe dream of a startup: program an app, try to create e-bikes, make a cloud-based solution to an enterprise product (which will be better than yours but yours has funnier copy). When something goes wrong, call one of the few people who has emotionally invested in you, drunkenly, and start crying about how your dreams are shattered. Don't pursue things because you love them, but to fill up the hole in your life caused by your own fear of inadequacy, stemming no doubt from a complex admixture of someone rejecting you in third grade and a startling LSAT score which set you up for too-high expectations.

3. Be high-powered. This may seem obvious, but none of this Millennial crap about following your bliss. If you can't be quoted in the New York Times about how your destruction of the Mom & Pop business is disruptive, get to the back of the damn line, woman. Who are you, Meg Ryan? You're Tom Hanks. BE TOM HANKS.

4. Again, obvious, but don't take anybody's crap. I suggest an internship with one of the more irascible congressmen or Fox News Anchors. The blonder the hair, the more intense, remember.

5. A good way to be lonely is to pour an inordinate amount of time into social media while ignoring the living, breathing humans around you.

6. It's actually difficult to be obnoxious enough for the corner office but not so obnoxious that literally no one can stand you, regardless of your gonads. Basically, suck up to your superiors and make most people think you have at least a modicum of tact.

7. Are you pretty? Then all the above advice is moot and men will be begging to hang out with you, ill-tempered, avoidant, and intense though you may be. From Katherine Hepburn down to Zooey Deschanel's "Summer," it's a thing.

8. Pantsuits. It's a linear relationship, y=x.

Good luck becoming the obnoxious businessperson you never weren't!

[Concorde]

I...I would buy that book....

[Portia]

I...I would buy that book....

OK, you're my agent.

[Zedability]

I...I would buy that book....

OK, you're my agent.

Wherein Concorde becomes the embodiment of Portia's book in the process of successfully selling Portia's book, and end up never needing the book after all...the potential was inside you all along!

[Portia]

I...I would buy that book....

OK, you're my agent.

Wherein Concorde becomes the embodiment of Portia's book in the process of successfully selling Portia's book, and end[s] up never needing the book after all...the potential was inside you all along!

How to Succeed at Being a Lonely, Obnoxious, Ill-tempered Businesswoman Without Really Trying. (There better be some sexy dude secretaries in this, or something. And of course a cameo by Robert Morse.)

[Portia]

This student may be in for an awkward awakening when werf discovers the decided lack of an LSD Church in Provo. :-D

[Emiliana]

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/80544/

On top of that, it currently works like an old family truck. It runs, but you have to know the ins and outs to get it to work.

[Portia]

Excellent answer on sex, love, men, and women by Heidi Book. I couldn't agree more.

[Emiliana]

https://theboard.byu.edu/questions/80503/

I appreciated Anne, Certainly's response about why sometimes people react negatively to LDS missionaries. It actually (ironically) reminded me of a book I read awhile back about atheism. People find atheists threatening because by saying, "I believe that no deities exist," I am automatically saying, "I think you are wrong if you think any deities DO exist." The LDS faith is kind of the same -- by saying, "I'm a Mormon," I also say, "I think you are wrong if you are not a Mormon."* Whereas if someone says, "I'm Hindu" or "I'm agnostic," that doesn't necessarily make as many strong statements about the person listening.

I guess what I'm saying is that some worldviews are less aggressive because a) they admit for the possibility of lots of things being true, or b) they don't place as high a value on belief as such. Examples of a: If I say I'm agnostic, I'm saying I don't really know whether there's a god, so whether you believe or don't believe in god, I'm not telling you you're wrong. If I'm Hindu, I believe in lots of different gods and I worship them in my way, so you worshiping your god in your way doesn't really bother me. Example of b: If I'm Unitarian Universalist, I probably believe in God, but I probably don't think it's a travesty if you don't believe.

But Mormons and miscellaneous fundamentalists often claim to have a monopoly on Truth, and also claim that belief in that Truth has eternal significance. From a Baptist perspective, failing to accept that truth could damn a person to a literal eternity in a literal burning pit of fire ... So if a Mormon comes along trying to lure people away from the truth and into the literal burning pit of fire that's reserved for everyone who's not evangelical ... it's easy to see how tempers could flair.


*I know not all Mormons think this, and even fewer of them would say it, but that's how they are often perceived.

[Zedability]

I think the counterpoint is that while Mormonism teaches that we have the complete truth, we also teach the every religion contains at least some truth. But it comes down to how people perceive it and what their past experiences were.