Humor will not be tolerated!! -Portia

Amity wrote:Re: the passive-aggressive friend from #83566, maybe the asker should stop spending time with her friend like this? It sounds like no one is having much fun anyway. Divya's advice was good but if it doesn't change things then I'm all in favor of Hangry findings other ways to keep up the friendship or just seeing the friend less. It's okay to scale back or drop a friendship if the time you spend together is unpleasant or leaves you feeling frustrated and annoyed.

When I get into a situation like this (I do this for dates when the guy says, "What do you think we should do?" too) I name three options of various qualities and then I make them choose from those. In this situation I might suggest Cafe Rio, Olive Garden, and Denny's. If the friend complains about those I might suggest McDonalds, Taco Time/Bell, and Subway. After making the suggestions and following Divya's advice, if those didn't work, then I'd drop them as a friend.

That's like serious business, buying airfare to go visit a girl you're not even dating.

I feel so validated by Anne right now. Glad I wasn't crazy thinking this when it happened to me (um, six times in a row). Ugh, glad we're incommunicado now.

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83779/

Major kudos for tackling such a sensitive topic and making the advice practical but vague enough for its audience. Along the same topic, I've heard that exercise can affect one's libido, so that might be something for him to try.

Whistler wrote:Along the same topic, I've heard that exercise can affect one's libido, so that might be something for him to try.

It's only ever increased mine, so maybe that's what the wife should try!

Whistler wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83779/

Major kudos for tackling such a sensitive topic and making the advice practical but vague enough for its audience. Along the same topic, I've heard that exercise can affect one's libido, so that might be something for him to try.

I loved her answer. Putting the focus on your partner is easily the best way to change their "mood." And I also appreciated the questioner's attitude. He wasn't looking to figure out how to change his wife and he wasn't one of those creepy husbands you hear about who expect to have sex no matter what ever other day (or whatever)...and then their wife becomes increasingly disinterested and divorces his sorry self.

That happened in my first married ward.

NovemberEast wrote:

Whistler wrote:http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83779/

Major kudos for tackling such a sensitive topic and making the advice practical but vague enough for its audience. Along the same topic, I've heard that exercise can affect one's libido, so that might be something for him to try.

I loved her answer. Putting the focus on your partner is easily the best way to change their "mood." And I also appreciated the questioner's attitude. He wasn't looking to figure out how to change his wife and he wasn't one of those creepy husbands you hear about who expect to have sex no matter what ever other day (or whatever)...and then their wife becomes increasingly disinterested and divorces his sorry self.

That happened in my first married ward.

Yikes!

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83805/

Fan-freaking-tastic answer by GA. (Also, $70,000? Who is stressed out about earning $70,000 (unless they live in a super expensive area)?)

Wow, that was a really thorough answer. Though I'm glad she used that disclaimer about making a lot of assumptions, because well yeah. That is a LOT of assumptions about this person. Like, yes, if this person is exactly like you it will be fine but who knows what their life will be like? But that cost breakdown at the end is pretty cool. And I 100% agree that this person should take a breath and not worry about buying a house immediately or how their future kids will go to college just yet.

My guess is maybe she has parents who are really well off, so that's the standard of living she's measuring herself against.

As your friendly neighborhood advocate of everyone being more comfortable talking about bodily functions, I just have to express my love of Frere Rubik using the phrase "taking a dump" in one of his answers.

http://theboard.byu.edu/questions/83816/

Thanks to Ardilla for the note about not treating rape lightly. One of the top 10 articles on KSL right now is about a particularly unsettling rape case that happened in broad daylight at a transit station I've used literally thousands of times.

I don't even have any traumatic history here, and trust me, it's not like Andy Samberg "I Just Had Sex" haha funny ... A rape victim is sexually violated, which isn't "having sex," socially or biologically. Zebra finch ladies prefer to pick their partners: Not even all sexual contact in the animal kingdom brings "pleasure," why would it for humans?

As to the neuroscience behind the question, I'd imagine the more typical brain response is a surge of adrenaline: "fight or flight." If you were interested in a non-snarky approach, there may be some research about brain changes in trauma victims. PTSD is one possible reaction, and my guess is an over-active amygdala/anxiety chemicals. The role of serotonin and dopamine in mental health isn't well understood.

N.B. It's probably best practice to not police the autonomic nervous systems of sexual assault victims. Neither arousal nor pleasure = consent. The nervous system isn't under one's conscious control, and this idea that a "successful rape" requires arousal is particularly prevalent for male thus attacked.

To quote the immortal words of TBS: it's still rape!!

I'm sure many/most of us who frequent random sites have already seen or heard of Lady Gaga's new music video "Til It Happens To You" about sexual assault particularly in the university setting. It can't help us know what it is like to be in that situation, but hopefully, it lets some people know that they do not know what it is like to have been through such an incident.

I really liked yayfulness's immigration answer. I used to be very much against undocumented immigrants years ago and I'm ashamed of my former attitudes. Learning about the difficulty of immigrating legally and the arbitrary (frankly kind of racist) reasons for our current laws has completely changed my mind.

The one time I actually make a comment on a board question it ends up immortalizing one of my typos forever. And it wasn't even a funny typo, like the time I called the Big Bang the Big Band.

I keep reading Shifty Canadian as, well, not Shifty.

I'd be curious to hear Ronald's side. It's interesting to see all those facts in the original question juxtaposed, even down to both having embassy attacks.

Digit wrote:I'd be curious to hear Ronald's side. It's interesting to see all those facts in the original question juxtaposed, even down to both having embassy attacks.

What is the question being referenced?

Preach My Gospel is just one of many sources that implies that the LDS indeed view gay unsanctioned sex as more serious than straight unsanctioned sex.

In my view, adultery (regardless of the sex of the participants) should be treated much more harshly than fornication (again, gay or straight). One is a breach of trust that I think should carry a lot more negative stigma (assuming the participants signed on to monogamy). Being publicly humiliated in that manner would be worse than the actual cheating to me.

(Of course, Mormon history has a rather fraught history around people signing up for monogamy and then getting something else. Wonder if that influences views even today?)

On a related note, because of the shibboleth around not saying "gay," my brother didn't know it in any meaning but the pejorative sense until he was practically an adult.