Becoming a young lady

[krebscout]

To all the ladies of the board board community:

I've always been extremely lax about personal grooming, and it's not because I'm not vain - it's because I'm lazy. I mean I shower and wear deodorant and brush my teeth and everything...but as far as cosmetics and skin care go, I never learned those skills and I never cared to. I've always had good skin, so I never worried about it. Well, I'm getting older...ish...and I'm sporting an androgynously short haircut (which is here to stay. I may grow it out an inch or two, but I'm afraid I'm pixie for life. That's what Sauron prefers, and I'm cool with it. Plus it's super low-maintenance, and as was already established, I'm lazy). So I'm feeling the need to make myself appear a little more feminine. Here are the things I do: - wear mascara most days, which hasn't always been the case - wear fitted shirts and pants - use lotion on my hands - pluck my eyebrows every once in a while - occasionally color my hair for fun, and I usually put product in it - shave my legs 'n stuff

Here's what I don't do: - wear or own any other form of make-up - wear jewelry other than my wedding ring - use any sort of skin care regimen or wash my face. Gross, right? Maybe? I'm not even sure what's normal. - use or own fingernail polish

So what I'm looking for is...your advice on how to keep myself aging gracefully and in a more feminine direction. The cheaper and easier the better, as I'm low on money and patience and time, but is there something I really ought to be doing? Exfoliating every week? Moisturizing my face? Is there a bare-bones minimum amount of maintenance you do that makes all the difference? Does anybody else feel like a complete phony when they put on scarves and necklaces and earrings?

I think I'm looking for a general discussion on how to get the maximum aesthetic effect out of the least possible effort.

[mic0]

I have zero input for being more feminine, and want to say - yes, I feel like a phony when wearing those things. Especially make-up. About twice a year I think I should wear make-up, go buy a bunch, wear it for a day, feel ridiculous, then stop again. Yeesh.

I do use some face wash, but only because I have acne... If you don't really have skin issues, and you're not interested in face stuff, then it's no big deal. In my opinion.

[Katya]

I have a few pendants I like to wear to church and I wear earrings every day because my ear holes used to heal shut if I didn't.

Of course, if you're spending time around babies or young children, you may not want to wear jewelry that they can grab.

[NerdGirl]

Okay, here is my entire skin care routine, which is based on the idea that the body is basically self-cleaning and that if something isn't causing a problem, you don't need to mess with it. I used to feel like a dirty hippy sometimes, but we did like 60 hours of dermatology in school in November, and everything they taught us seemed to validate my dirty-hippy leanings. I basically do not ever use soap on my face unless it's actually dirty (and by that I mean I've been rolling around in a mud puddle or something - I don't mean every day dirty). I don't really use soap on any part of my body except for my armpits and a few other places that actually get sweaty. I even used to do the no shampoo thing, but I've started using shampoo again (sulfate-free because I have curly hair that I dye red and both of those things don't work well with sulfates) because it's hard to get anatomy lab smell out of my hair without shampoo. I use sunscreen nearly every day (l'oreal kids usually, because it seems to have the highest percentage of broad-spectrum coverage ingredients and it doesn't have dyes and fragrances in it because I don't need that stuff on my face). Sometimes my face gets dry, and I use some of the piles of free samples of clinique lotion that my mom gives me all the time. I don't have acne normally, but every now and then I break out a bit when I have my period. Not even every month - more like a couple of times a year. When that happens I switch from using the clinique lotion to using this tea tree lotion from the body shop that's supposed to be good for acne and seems to work well. But even then I don't really use actual soap on my face - I've tried it, and it just seems to make things worse. My legs and arms get dry a lot since moving to Calgary, so put lotion on them a lot. And that's pretty much it for my skincare. I'm almost 30, and it's still working well for me. I don't anticipate changing it any time soon.

I've started wearing makeup much more frequently since I've been in med school just because we have to dress up so much, but even then it's pretty basic. I don't wear foundation. I wear a bit of eyeshadow (lighter shade on most of my eyelid with a bit of matching darker shade near my eyelashes), a bit of mascara, but only on the top lashes and only near the ends because if I get it too close to my eyes I start rubbing my eyes all day long and I make a mess, a bit of blush, and sometimes lipstick but if it comes off I don't reapply it throughout the day. Takes less than 5 minutes to do. I almost never wear nail polish, and I keep my nails very short because I have to do things like feel people's spleens and I don't think they want me poking them with long nails! My jewelry is also usually pretty minimal, unless I'm going somewhere special and feel like putting some on. But for every day I usually just wear the various earrings that stay in my ears 24/7. I don't pluck my eyebrows, and I only shave my legs and armpits once every few weeks because my hair grows really slowly. I probably don't need to shave at all (well, okay, no one actually NEEDS to shave), but I actually find that hair on the lower half of my legs and in my armpits is itchy sometimes so I shave it. I don't shave the top half of my legs.

And that's really about it for me!

[C is for]

Mascara is all that matters!

Okay, here's my suggestions. Some kind of colored lip balm or chapstick. Lipstick can be okay too -- I'm finding that the lip gloss I use makes my lips feel suffocated. But still I wear it?

Also my mom suggested moisturizing my face. I hate lotion, so I haven't done it yet, but it may be a good idea.

I've started using just a tiny amount of blush on my cheekbones most days. (Not today. I basically decided not to be pretty today.) That can improve my appearance, and it may do the same for you.

Also, when I had short hair, I'd put flowers in it to prove I was a girl. Now that my hair is long I basically let it speak for itself.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I really only started wearing accessories because that is what I sell, and I felt the need to do some advertising. Plus also friendship bracelets and duct tape rings aren't your normal accessories. I like the idea of fancy jewelry, especially because that's what my aunt (who I live with) makes and sells, but only wear one of my few pieces a few times a year.

Makeup I've almost entirely given up. I still have some, supposedly for when I perform (though I'm not in a choir currently, so...), but I left it at my parents' house. I've never liked messing with it, I was never very good at applying it, and I happen to have a boyfriend who prefers me more "natural."

Now for what I do... I do shave every. single. day. But my hair grows fast, thick, and dark, and I prefer the feel and look of smooth legs (I wear skirts constantly). I'm not fancy about it, though; I use a cheap razor and the lather from my body soap. My soap was hand/home made and so has fewer chemicals and lots of moisturizer, and I use it everywhere, including my face. Also, I recently switched to a handmade shampoo bar, and I'm hoping to eventually work my way to washing my hair no more than every other day and using only the bar and the occasional ACV rinse.

After my shower I apply lotion to legs, shoulders, face, neck, and chest, and then rub whatever is left over into the backs of my hands. I never use product in my hair, which is now a good couple of inches past my shoulders, but I do usually put it up while it's drying to keep frizz down. Throughout the day I apply lip balm (again hand made), and at night I apply lotion to my face, neck, chest, and hands again.

[Dragon Lady]

Make up I use mascara, which makes the most difference. I feel like my eyes get lost in the mass of hair and freckles if I don't. I also wear brown eyeshadow most days. (A light brown, almost cream for the top, a more neutral brown for the lids.) You can't really tell its there unless you're looking for it, but it does help my eyes get more notice, which makes me feel prettier. I'll also put on a light blush. But more out of habit than anything.

Hair I shampoo and condition about 1-2 times per week. (My hair is really thick and coarse. If I wash any more often than that, it becomes really super dry.) I used to do baking soda and vinegar instead of shampoo/conditioner, but when we moved from soft water to hard water and I was 7 months pregnant, I didn't have the energy to figure out the proportions my hair needed again. And it became super oily after my first shower here and I didn't want to deal with another 2-week adjustment period where my hair was oily. So I just bought shampoo. I want to look into more natural shampoos, though. (bob, where did you get your shampoo bar? Or did you make it?)

I have a Mary Kay face wash and moisturizer and exfoliator. But I've had all three for years now. So that shows you how often I use them. Mostly only when my face is breaking out more than normal and I think, "Oh hey. Maybe I should wash my face!

I like wearing simple earrings (small hoops or balls) when I'm dressing up. I've got a couple of sort of lacy scarves that I wear as headbands sometimes. Oh, with short hair, I've found headbands as the best way to a) manage my crazy hair and b) make me feel more girly. They can just be a simple black band, or they might be more colorful with a flower attached, or my sort of lacy scarves I got in Jerusalem. Other than that I don't wear much jewelry, but I periodically wish I had a necklace that would look nice. But I have no idea what kind of necklace that would be. I'm not really big into bling.

Clothes that actually fit go a long way. And find the clothes that fit your body best. For me I've found that I need things that emphasize my shoulders (I have really narrow shoulders) and deemphasize my breasts. (They have the opposite problem. Especially while pregnant/nursing.) I would have a true hour glass figure if it weren't for my shoulders being narrow. Instead I look like an hour glass with a pyramid on top. Not flattering. And because of it, clothes are really hard to find to fit. But I've discovered that v-necks with an undershirt do well. I need things that are open up top. Or puffed sleeves. As much as I loathed the thought, I have a couple of sweater t-shirts that are dressy and actually work quite well with them. (But it makes me feel like Anne of Green Gables.) I've also discovered that I have to be picky about my bras and how they fit. And shirts that scrunch a little, or at least aren't tight at my middle are great, since I definitely have a baby belly. But if I get fitted, but not tight shirts, it covers the bumps and makes me look skinny. So find the clothes that make YOU look best. I've found a great way to explore new options I wouldn't have considered is to either ask at the store for help and explain what problems I have or to take a friend with me with very different clothing tastes than myself. I usually nix the majority of options brought, but I try them all on and give them an honest try. Some of my favorite clothes are ones I never ever would have chosen to bring to the dressing room myself.

And really, if you want to be lazy, yet feminine, wear a skirt. There are some comfy summer skirts that are cute and simple and just add that touch of feminine without having to spend any extra time in the morning. And can be worn with a simple tee.

[TheAnswerIs42]

Maybe I should pipe up as someone who has made the transition you are talking about. I never wore makeup through high school, and only a few times in college. In fact, one of my qualities I remember telling roommates I looked for in a spouse was someone who wouldn't mind that I didn't wear makeup because I didn't feel the need to change. Instead, I got my husband, who sort of pulled an "eight cow wife" trick on me. He complimented me a lot about my appearance, and especially when I wore makeup/put effort in, and now it is something I spend time on. I still feel like he's hallucinating, because inside I still see myself as the ugly and awkward teenager, but it is nice to hear him brag to his friends about his "trophy wife". And in comparison to what everyone said above, I feel a bit like a girly-girl.

For me, it was a very slow and gradual thing. I didn't wake up one morning and wear a ton of makeup. And since my SAHM life means I don't always leave the house daily, there are still days I don't do anything. Early on, one of my first conversions was to tinted moisturizer. I like putting that on every day, because it keeps my face nice, has a 15 spf (which isn't much, but is enough for your average day), and has enough tint to even out my skin tone a bit. So if you want maximum effect out of one small change, that would be my vote. I'm cheap, so I use the CoverGirl brand, complete with a coupon to make it cheaper.

As for the jewelry aspect, I don't always wear a lot either - but I recommend stashing cheap jewelry so you can get the hang of what you do like wearing and not spend a lot. I have a neighbor who sells cheap jewelry - usually $2-$4 - so once I got a stock of that it helped me get used to wearing it and see what I liked and didn't like. It also helped me not care when my kids yanked on my necklace and broke it. I definitely felt like a phony wearing them at first, but that's how I felt about nail polish at first too. Every time I looked at my own painted toenails I thought they looked bizarre, but I eventually got used to it.

Currently I have been working on the mysteries of eye shadow design. I got a makeup instruction book, and that helped, but it is still tricky to get it just right. I know the Board often recommends the makeup counters in the mall, but . . is anyone else terrified of those things? I would feel so awkward going there. Maybe someday I'll have a friend who has gone before and wouldn't mind going with me, but going by myself is not something I am brave enough for yet.

[bobtheenchantedone]

DL, this was what I bought. I like it so far. The seller was also helpful when I asked him about the best way to use the bar, and I like his no-nonsense approach to soap (as much as I like girly scents and pretty colors, I like using a bar that I don't feel bad to "ruin").

I just wish the body soap I purchase wasn't so expensive. I started switching off store bought and handmade recently because of the cost, and because the handmade seemed to get less effective as I continued using it every day. I think I'll try a bar soap next (this was more of a cream) to see if it lasts longer.

[Katya]

Clothes that actually fit go a long way.

So. True. For everyone.

[Whistler]

I've been trying to get more ladylike too! Recently I have been learning how to french braid my hair, and sometimes I paint my toenails. I tried wearing some of the more girly tees, but I've found that I just prefer men's shirts. I recently got some little fabric flower barrettes (not the huge ones, although those can look cute) that feel girly and are pretty easy to use.

[mic0]

Early on, one of my first conversions was to tinted moisturizer. I like putting that on every day, because it keeps my face nice, has a 15 spf (which isn't much, but is enough for your average day), and has enough tint to even out my skin tone a bit. So if you want maximum effect out of one small change, that would be my vote. I'm cheap, so I use the CoverGirl brand, complete with a coupon to make it cheaper.

Does that really even out skin tone? 'Cause my skin tone is all over the place and that'd be so nice...

Also, Whistler, are you learning how to braid your hair from someone or from an online source? I'd really like to know how to braid hair, because it seems like one of those girl skills that I'm totally lacking. (Also, putting on eyeshadow. I mean, how the heck does that work? )

[Craig Jessop]

Also, Whistler, are you learning how to braid your hair from someone or from an online source? I'd really like to know how to braid hair, because it seems like one of those girl skills that I'm totally lacking.

What does it say about me that I know how to French braid hair?

[Marduk]

OOOOOOH Craig! My hair is almost long enough to put a French braid into!

We should get together and watch legally blonde and eat haagen das and talk about boys, and you can braid my hair!

[bobtheenchantedone]

Except that you cry like a baby when someone tries to French braid your hair...

[C is for]

Or puffed sleeves. As much as I loathed the thought, I have a couple of sweater t-shirts that are dressy and actually work quite well with them. (But it makes me feel like Anne of Green Gables.)

So my stake just finished doing Anne of Green Gables and there was an entire song about puffed sleeves. It'd be in my head if I didn't already have another song from the show in my head.

(I don't have the song, but if you want to see general highlights from the show, that we're all really proud of so linking everywhere, here's a Facebook thing that may or may not work.)

[krebscout]

OOOOOOH Craig! My hair is almost long enough to put a French braid into!

We should get together and watch legally blonde and eat haagen das and talk about boys, and you can braid my hair!

Have you ever seen Legally Blonde 2? Sauron made me watch it. Even better than the first one. He also made me watch Dirty Dancing for the first...and only... time.

[Whistler]

Also, Whistler, are you learning how to braid your hair from someone or from an online source? I'd really like to know how to braid hair, because it seems like one of those girl skills that I'm totally lacking. (Also, putting on eyeshadow. I mean, how the heck does that work? )

So, I knew the theory behind french braiding but had never done it on myself. I watched some youtube videos but it really just takes a lot of self-practice! And strong arms. I really like Strawberry Koi's hair videos. Her Heidi braid video made me realize that yes, it is just a bunch of pins http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx9Z903u9Pw. I like it because it makes two braids a little more special (although I think it makes me look like a guy sometimes since I'm tall and people can't tell I have braids on my head... that is what the flowers are for ).

Also Mic0, I forgot your real name but do you have any good Chinese dessert recipes? We have a book club about a Chinese person and I'm thinking of doing steamed pears.

[Whistler]

also this Hunger Games hairstyle is a way to pin up french braids that I kinda like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGIzK_F5Unw

[Indefinite Integral]

I'm moderately girly, and though I have long hair, most days it ends up in a bun or a twist because I'm too lazy to dry and straighten it (and if it is blow dried or air dries outside of a bun/twist/braid it HAS to be straightened). When I do this, I like to make sure my makeup looks nice, because it just helps even things out.

I second the suggestion for a tinted moisturizer, I use Clinique's Super City Block SPF 40, which is great, and a tube usually lasts me 4+ months with every day application. After that, a bit of concealer if needed, and loose powder to set it (maybelline mineral power) plus a bit of blush. I also use eyeliner on my top lids every day, but I've gotten out of the habit of mascara/eye shadow. It takes about 5 minutes tops.

I also have eye shadow of various types for when I have special occasions, though I used to wear it every day. I guess I got lazy, plus the boyfriend likes a more natural look, so most of the time I don't bother.

Also, 42, I'd totally go with you to a makeup counter in the mall. I went before and it was slightly scary, but now that I've done it I have no problem with it. Plus, I need to visit a MAC counter sometime soon anyway...my eyeliner is almost gone after 3 years of use. I'm available after June 6 when school meetings end - I have 2 months after I stop teaching before I leave where I won't be working. Let me know if you're interested.