Distracted husband

[TheAnswerIs42]

I felt bad for this guy. I actually went through a period where I found I was obsessing on a previous relationship when I was newlywed, and after a while of trying everything I could think of to change my thoughts, I found my solution. I don't know if this would help him or not, but for me, the key was to replace it with something else that I could think about all the time that had NOTHING to do with me. A fictional romance from some fictional story. Superman and Lois Lane maybe, or some other fictional pair. Because thinking about not thinking about it doesn't help, as the writers pointed out. And by replacing it with a romance, it was a similar thing to think about, rather than hymns that got boring or my husband who just reminded me of the stuff I wasn't supposed to be dwelling on. No matter what happened to those characters, it had nothing to do with me. And then, as Rating Pending pointed out, I didn't "taint" anything important by reminding me that I wasn't supposed to think about something in particular - I tainted a fictional romance that didn't matter at all. I went through a phase where I tried what Eliot mentioned, and just tried to hash it all out to get it out of my system, and that just made it worse for me, personally. But whenever I started daydreaming situations that involved ex-bf, I just started inventing scenes with the fictional characters instead, and that really helped.

I never got to the point of quitting a job or hacking my husband's facebook account though. Ouch. I didn't tell my husband how distracted I was, but this guy probably does need to tell her about what he has done and why at some point.

[Portia]

I had an ex whom I still find painful to think about all these years later, and we dated before Obama was elected. After we broke up, I remember walking to campus in the pitch black darkness, before 6 AM, going into the lab, not knowing what else to do or caring. It only got worse from there: I obsessively followed his life, fell into a lonely depression, found my long-term relationship impossible ... I didn't quit any job over him though, and I haven't had any contact with him since his engagement. I think the bad way it ended made me feel worthless and I had an even harder time trusting men than I'd had before.

I rarely fantasized in any sexual way about him because our relationship was so chaste. The questioner seems to be deeply mentally ill over this ... I can relate. Just a week or so ago, I was sorely tempted to attend a concert I knew he might be at, but there is a God, because there was no way to get tickets. What I thought such a foolish idea might avail me, I know not.

& just yesterday I was crying while chatting about a new flame, who besides being skinny is about as opposite from The One that Got Away as possible. Friend: "why would New Flame scream at you that he doesn't like you?" "I just don't want to be TOtGA'ed again!"

I was jealous of his wife, who I find to be odd-looking and sort of ditzy, even though I know TOtGA and I would be a poor match in nearly every way. Only falling in love again has really made the hole in my heart go away, & that took an entire presidential term. I don't really know what Not Don Draper should do. I would point out that this guy has more in common with Pete campbell & his obsessiveness with Peggy and general insanity than Don's sex-because-he-can.