uggh my brother is a raging "post-feminist"

[Whistler]

my older brother is one of those people who compared getting raped while drunk to leaving a candle on in your basement (um, what? no, maybe more like forgetting to lock your car and having everything in it stolen). Whenever one of his friends tries to explain why he's wrong, he's like "Why aren't you listening to meeeee??" I understand he's um, really bitter about being 31 and not married, but the way to get married isn't to tell women how to feel or act. I try to stay out of most discussions because I want to preserve our relationship, but it's like he's trolling me (except like, sincerely)! Any tips? Should I just avoid any topics about this?

[mic0]

If it was me, I'd just avoid topics like that altogether. :/ Change the subject, don't engage, etc. I guess you could also gently point him in the direction of a more moderate argument (maybe a site that discusses problems men have and how feminism actually helps both sexes?), but then you run the risk of him getting upset at you or trying to start a "discussion" (I say "discussion" because it sounds like he won't hear another side anyway).

Bleh, sounds hard.

[Portia]

I feel like try to point out your side calmly and reasonably, and if they don't engage, at least your conscience can be clear. When I moved to the Midwest, I referred to "Jews," and my officemate was like, um, you're a lot better off saying "Jewish people." I had never, to my knowledge, met someone of Jewish ethnicity in my first 25 years (I have Mormon relatives who converted to Judaism, which is another, sometimes hilarious, story), so it was a moment of mea culpa. I'm certainly not antisemitic and didn't want to encourage that impression.

Either your brother's misogynistic or at least plays one on TV. Being called out means that this kind of harmful thinking at least doesn't perpetuate. I find the connection between his flippancy and his singledom unsurprising; maybe he'll eventually draw the connection?

[Whistler]

I don't think he'll draw a connection. He's a teacher and he sees his lack of earning potential as a reason he's not yet married (because I guess the ladies he dated used this as a reason for disinterest? seems like an excuse, imo). When I said his problem was shallow women he said "that doesn't make me any more married." I guess dating is frustrating and all, but I don't think blaming feminism or not being enough of a man is the answer. Then again, he's really socially conservative, and he probably dates some like-minded women, so maybe if he wants an ideal conservative wife he has to be the ideal conservative man (ie, make more money?)? I just wish he would stop blaming feminism for his singleness, or hurry up and get married so he can stop having pity-parties.

[bobtheenchantedone]

I know your feels. Or at least similar ones. My brother, in addition to being very benevolently sexist, is pretty racist. He also completely unaware of these things.

[Whistler]

my brother seems completely aware that his opinions are unpopular and has developed a persecution complex over them. But yeah, I imagine the weird awkward embarrassment is the same. thanks for letting me vent peeps

[Whistler]

It has made me consider some of his arguments though. It appears that social psychology is full of non-conservatives (so is all my knowledge in this field, which partially supports my feminist views, also suffering from that?): http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria- ... epublicans.

[vorpal blade]

I'm glad you are considering the possibility, Whistler, that your brother may have a few valid points. Too often today we don't really listen to the other side. Like someone who refuses to listen to Fox News because they are sure they are wrong.

[Portia]

http://www.alternet.org/story/154875/th ... isinformed

[vorpal blade]

It has made me consider some of his arguments though. It appears that social psychology is full of non-conservatives (so is all my knowledge in this field, which partially supports my feminist views, also suffering from that?): http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria- ... epublicans.

I've noticed that about the social psychology articles you've referred me to. Their understanding of what it means to be a conservative, for example, was laughable. It was as though they had never met a real life conservative. They only knew conservative caricatures.

Not having a subscription to the New Yorker I was unable to read your latest reference.

[vorpal blade]

http://www.alternet.org/story/154875/th ... isinformed

Remarkable article, Portia. I kept asking myself, why is this Chris Mooney so gratuitously insulting to conservatives? And why does he seemingly flaunt in spades the very faults he claims to find in conservatives? Is this some kind of parody?

I’ve come to the conclusion that Chris Mooney is sincere, as hard as it is to believe that. He is just so sadly blinded to reality—just like he criticizes conservatives like me.

I practically never follow Fox News, but not because I think it is less reliable than the other News outlets. But perhaps I should watch, read, or listen more to Fox News. I would never like to become like Chris Mooney.

[Marduk]

Fox News ranks dead last in terms of accuracy of reporting among national news sources in study after study after study, done across a variety of disciplines. This holds true whether analyzing the material it presents or the people whose primary news consumption is Fox News.

Of course, MSNBC and CNN don't fare much better.

[vorpal blade]

Accuracy implies that there is a standard of truth or fact to which a report can be compared. Chris Mooney may serve as an illustration. In determining whether Fox News is accurate he uses as the gold standard of truth the news sources which support his claims.

I'm reminded of the woman who was asked at a bank to provide some form of personal identification. So she reached into her purse and pulled out a mirror. Looking into the mirror she said, "Yes, that's me!"

I'm not much impressed with study after study after study performed by people who have already decided which side they support and wish to prove that their side is right.

It is interesting now that two and a half years have passed since the extracts from Chris Mooney's book came out. Back then the interest was in proving that Bush was wrong and Obama was right about Iraq. Fox News reported that in Iraq there were elements of Al Qaeda and other Islamic extremists who were proud of the 9-11 attacks. This was ridiculed by Mooney as giving misinformation and inaccurate reporting. Now the harsh reality which was ignored for so long by the mainstream media has come back to bite us. It is now apparent, even in the mainstream media, that Fox News was right, only they won't admit it. They'll give it a name like ISIS and they all wonder, how did so many supporters of the 9-11 attacks spring up so unexpectedly in Iraq last summer?

Chris Mooney lampoons Fox News for presenting “rampant misinformation” about the health care reform bill. And on what does he base his “knowledge” of the truth about the Affordable Care Bill? What is the supposedly correct and accurate information? What the Obama Administration says about the bill. And now with the Jonathan Gruber (a leading architect of the bill) revelations coming out this week some of us are learning for the first time that the Obama Administration deliberately lied to the mainstream press. Gruber points out that a “lack of transparency is a huge political advantage, and basically call it the stupidity of the American voter or whatever, but basically that was really critical to getting the thing to pass.” The bill was “written a tortured way to make sure the [congressional Budget Office] did not score the mandate as taxes.” Fox News was right about ObamaCare. The mainstream media willingly and blindly followed convenient lies given by the Obama Administration.

"I wish Mark was right and we could make it all transparent but I'd rather have this law than not," Gruber said. I think that sort of sums it up why we so often see misinformation masquerading as fact in the mainstream media and pointed out by Fox News. Gruber, Mooney, and much in the mainstream media would rather close their eyes to the real facts and promote a lie if it seems to generate the kind of law or change in society that they think is right, but the American people are just too stupid to understand if presented in its true light.

[Whistler]

It has made me consider some of his arguments though. It appears that social psychology is full of non-conservatives (so is all my knowledge in this field, which partially supports my feminist views, also suffering from that?): http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria- ... epublicans.

I've noticed that about the social psychology articles you've referred me to. Their understanding of what it means to be a conservative, for example, was laughable. It was as though they had never met a real life conservative. They only knew conservative caricatures.

Not having a subscription to the New Yorker I was unable to read your latest reference.

I don't have a subscription either. It looks like you can read 6 articles from the New Yorker each month for free.

[Whistler]

ugggh now he's implying that the women being harassed by gamergaters aren't being harassed by real people and they're making it all up (i.e., making puppet accounts on Twitter and harassing themselves). I completely don't understand. If it were something like having elementary school interventions to help boys express their feelings better I feel like I could support him.

[Whistler]

So, this brother recently asked about videogame projects me and my sister are working on and offered to help. We told him the projects we're working on and offered to let him help. I offered to help him make his own game. He's insisting that he doesn't have the confidence to make his own game, or that he wouldn't finish what he started and basically rebuffed my encouragement (I encouraged him to make a short text-based game, because there's nothing compared to the satisfaction you get from making a game entirely on your own, imo. A satisfaction that is necessary to understand to help motivate you through bigger projects or ones you're helping with).

I'm trying to help him, but it feels like nothing I offer is good or complete enough. It makes me just want to give up on helping him achieve his goals.

I wonder if he might be feeling really down. There's definitely depression on my mom's side of the family... but I don't think that he's in a position to accept advice from me (I'm the younger self-righteous feminist sister). Maybe I'll ask my parents what they think, although I know he's good at putting on a happy face.