Most/least polite dating turn-down

[wryness]

Story, then question!
So, there's a young lady I home-taught a few years ago in my old ward. I kind of got vibes that she was interested in me, but the feeling wasn't mutual so I made sure to keep things "professional."

Fast-forward to when I've moved to another town, about a half-hour's drive away. I used to occasionally make appearances at my old ward's activities. I never contact this girl or vice-versa, but about once every 5 or 6 months, I'll get a text or Facebook message from her completely out of the blue that starts off with something like "how's it going?" and then gets a bit flirtier (like "You don't have a girlfriend right now? But you're so awesome! You must be teasing me.") I tried to be polite but not reciprocate. I didn't think I was leading her on because I was pretty much avoiding her, so these sorts of things made me feel a bit uncomfortable. (I asked a relative for advice on how to respond to one such text and I think they are now referring to this person as my "sort of stalker.")

A few months ago this person invited me to a game night--this is while I was dating someone, and my girlfriend couldn't come with me, so there was no way I was going to that thing alone. I said something like "sorry, won't make it, please say hi to everyone in the ward for me" and she responded "oh, I didn't invite the ward, it would have just been you and me and my family." Awkward. I'm not sure if she knew for sure I was dating someone but my gf was someone from her ward, so I'm guessing yes... if I was interested in her I think I'd be flattered by the forwardness, but I'm not, so it just makes me really uncomfortable.

So the most recent interaction involved her sending me a message out of the blue that basically said something like "I know you're probably dating someone, but I just have to say this. I think you're cute and I like you." Um. After much deliberation, I just responded back with a lame "[Name], I think you're great, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. Sorry." She then responded with something like "That's fine; I'm not ready for a relationship either, but I just needed to say that." I had no idea to respond to THAT, and so I didn't.

Question time!
1. Would there have been a more appropriate way to handle turning her down, in your opinion?
2. What stories do you have about your most or least polite dating turn-downs? (On either the giving or receiving end.)

[Craig Jessop]

I'd just start ignoring her. Is there any reason why you can't cut ties? You've tried to be direct, and apparently that didn't work.

[Portia]

I'd just start ignoring her. Is there any reason why you can't cut ties? You've tried to be direct, and apparently that didn't work.

I've been the recipient and the giver of unsolicited Romantic Confessions, and I heartily agree with this statement. I do wonder if this obsession with "feel your feelings and share them!!" isn't hurtful sometimes and counterproductive. Sometimes your feelings cause other people harm, or at least aren't benefiting you. She clearly has some sort of obsession with you, and I don't say that lightly. +1 to ignoring.

[C is for]

Who caaaaaaaaaares if you're polite turning someone down. Unless you're actually invested in keeping a friendship with this person (a bunch of mutual friends, for example, or you enjoy their company but don't want other ~benefits or whatever) just be straight and don't be nice.

(This is a new attitude of mine, fueled by all the girl talk I've had to do recently in helping make a rejection text "nice" enough but still clear enough to get the message across. I recently had to do the same and fretted for a while before I realized, "Wait. I'll never see this guy again and even if I do I don't care." And even then my rejection included the platitude "It's been fun" even though it wasn't. It was a euphemism for "I appreciate that you spent all that money on me for the zoo even though I don't really like the zoo.")

I've never been rejected because I am never vulnerable enough to press the issue. And I haven't been on enough dates lately to send rejections, except for my recent, which basically went
Him: I had a great time at the zoo! I hope you did too. Want to go out again?
Me: Well...no. It's been fun but I don't want to go out again.

And then he never responded so maybe he died.

Enough about me. I thought you handled yours great.

[NovemberEast]

So the most recent interaction involved her sending me a message out of the blue that basically said something like "I know you're probably dating someone, but I just have to say this. I think you're cute and I like you." Um. After much deliberation, I just responded back with a lame "[Name], I think you're great, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. Sorry." She then responded with something like "That's fine; I'm not ready for a relationship either, but I just needed to say that." I had no idea to respond to THAT, and so I didn't.

Question time!
1. Would there have been a more appropriate way to handle turning her down, in your opinion?
2. What stories do you have about your most or least polite dating turn-downs? (On either the giving or receiving end.)

Well that WAS uncomfortable. And also, I can't believe she would have even responded. I would have been mortified by my actions and banned myself from social media and public view indefinitely. But then, I was never much of a boy chaser.

You could really make it obvious and reply "To be clear, I am interested in romantic relationships, just not with you. Sorry for any confusion." But then you'd be skirting territory that would give her motive to tell everyone what a jerk you are. And I think she'd be halfway right to think/do that.

So no, I don't think there was any better way to handle that. You did as fine as you could have.

Least/most polite turn downs:

After college, this one guy broke up with me in a way that made me SO angry. When he broke up with me he flat out told me that he dated me because he thought I was pretty even though I wasn't his type which made me perfect for him since he couldn't be serious with anyone since he was considering moving overseas for some service thing. We were together about 5 months and he never mentioned moving. After the breakup he wanted to be friends and I told him to pound sand and maybe his face too.

[Whistler]

When I was dating, if I asked a guy out and he was busy or didn't respond, I figured it was time for him to pick things up from there. Most guys who weren't interested in me simply ignored me?